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What is harder, pregnancies or actual kids?


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  • 2 Post By cybele
  • 1 Post By #5in2005
  • 2 Post By Farmers-wife

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  #1  
July 25th, 2014, 09:19 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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My husband and I listened to Dave Ramsey yesterday and the couple doing their debt-free shout out had 14 kids. Husband brought it up, "wow that's a lot of kids" (not negatively! though he is having trouble wrapping his head around another baby still although he was the one who said it's not in our control anyway so let's just let things be what they will when baby boy was maybe six months after a couple bad rounds of birth control, it just doesn't like me) and I said I could have a dozen kids honestly but not the pregnancies. Having to just wait, and wait, and wait for that first ultrasound to know if this is a sticky bean or another loss is just to much. I feel like this time I can't take it. It's actually even harder than before which I wouldn't have thought possible, maybe because I KNOW how much I'll be missing if this baby doesn't stick and still not having a date for the first ultrasound (not with my old doctors this pregnancy, the ones who saw me through all previous pregnancies, going to clinic for now). So I can imagine a dozen kids but I can't imagine going through another pregnancy at this point. Could change of course but the wait is just to freaking hard!

So, the question is, after that long-winded intro, is pregnancy or actual child harder for you guys? Of course when child gets here the work begins, I mean the mental, emotional aspects. Any words of encouragement for the husband?
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  #2  
July 25th, 2014, 09:31 AM
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Anyone else with a multiple losses still went on to have a large family (6-12 kids)? Mine were all very early, a small consolation. Very difficult still but I am certainly not comparing to losing your child further along or, God forbid, at or after birth. Our son would not breath at birth, required CPAP, and the NICU team was on the way before he finally breathed on his own-the terror in our hearts watching helplessly was indescribable. So for any who have lost their babies further along or had stillbirth, I know my pain is minute in comparison and I mean no offense with this post. In particular to Caleb' s grandma and family, with his very recent loss, I hope my post is not found hurtful or demeaning to such a tragedy as the loss of your precious two month old baby boy.
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  #3  
July 25th, 2014, 10:59 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had a whole post typed out. arghhhh, computer ate it. I will be back to answer later.
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  #4  
July 25th, 2014, 03:21 PM
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I honestly believe that it's where you are that effects how you view it.

Pregnancies have so much up in the air, so much unknown, and that's scary. But, in hindsight, for all the things that can happen in one's lifetime, the kids part is harder because it's ongoing, pregnancy has an end and that's it, it's over (until you have another, but there is a break, and eventually it does stop) the kids continue on and sometimes they have things happen to them that absolutely tears you apart, which sucks but it's the truth. Personally, if I think of the number of times I have worried, stressed, cried over things that my 20yr old has had to go through, it adds up to much more than 9 months worth and that will continue to go on until I die, because no matter how old she gets I'm still her mother and I am still going to worry about her. That's my job. Some kids give you more grief than others, but no one has a completely peachy life so it' something you have to face.

Time heals most things, but pregnancy is temporary, the kids keep throwing things at you.
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  #5  
July 26th, 2014, 08:04 AM
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I HATE being pregnant. Hate it, hate it, hate it, and still ended up with 8 kids lol
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  #6  
July 26th, 2014, 10:32 AM
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Pregnancy is really hard on me and on my family. I've ended up in high risk care for all 4 girls, had one loss, bed rest for all but 6 weeks of pregnancy #3, bed rest for 2 months of #4 and a hospital stay with #2. I also have had HG with all of them. I find it really difficult to keep up with my family's needs with so many small children when I'm pregnant and so sick/on bed rest. Like Cybele said, it does end (even though in months 8 and 9 I usually start to wonder...) but I really think my family can only handle that kind of pregnancy 1-2 more times.
That said, emotionally, the kids are harder than the pregnancies, they are a lifetime commitment of worry I think! But the pregnancies are so physically difficult for me that I feel like we need to put a cap on it.
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  #7  
July 29th, 2014, 09:59 AM
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This is one of those questions like which is harder, young kids or teenagers. I can't really say, they each have entirely different challenges.

I found it hard being pregnant with #5 with 4 other little ones to take care of. Now if I'd really had a yearning in my heart for #6 I still would have done it again, since pregnancy is temporary. Our 4th was a preemie so I did worry a lot more with #5, and although I know it makes no logic sense, after 5 healthy kids I almost feel like I'd be pushing my luck expecting another healthy baby.
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  #8  
July 29th, 2014, 07:29 PM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
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#5, that is actually my primary fear every time I've pregnant - have I tempted fate too far when I already have healthy kids?

Anyhow, to answer the question, kids are harder. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being pregnant. Actually, most of the time I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the kids as well, but I do stress far more about them outside the womb than inside. I would seriously stay pregnant forever. You didn't ask, but the labor is the part that I hate about pregnancy and that terrifies me. If I never had to go through labor, I most likely would be eternally pregnant.
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  #9  
July 29th, 2014, 11:21 PM
deaths final kiss's Avatar Super Mommy
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That's a tough one.

Firstly, the physical aspect of being pregnant is HORRIBLE for me. My body cannot handle it, my frame can't support the weight, etc. DD is almost 2, and I'm still in incredible pain daily from my pregnancy with her. Yet, I'm willing to (try to) have 1 more.

Emotionally... my first 2 (successful) pregnancies were hell. I was in a bad marriage, super depressed before I was pregnant, worse while I was preg, and the PPD was unbearable. My pregnancy with DD FLEW by, even with the physical pain, because of DH.

But, now that I've had another mc, I'm terrified of being pregnant again. I can't go through another loss...

But... as of now, the kids are harder than the pregnancies with them. My oldest is (usually) pretty good. #2 has been a monster for over a year now (started when his bio's gf and kid moved in with them. She's gone now, but he's still horrible. Part of it is age (6 1/2), and a lot of it is because of his bio dad. The reasons he's acting out are completely out of my control, but I get all the sht for it). And DD is almost 2... so she's moody, insists on being independent, and never stops going!

Different struggles. Neither are easy for me, although things would be a million times easier if I had full custody.
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  #10  
July 30th, 2014, 10:44 PM
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Thank you for all the insightful replies. Right now I'm just so much in the baby stage I think that I can't even imagine having older children or adult children. I've enjoyed this thread and think it's given me some perspective.
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  #11  
July 30th, 2014, 10:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HalfDozen View Post
#5, that is actually my primary fear every time I've pregnant - have I tempted fate too far when I already have healthy kids?

Anyhow, to answer the question, kids are harder. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being pregnant. Actually, most of the time I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the kids as well, but I do stress far more about them outside the womb than inside. I would seriously stay pregnant forever. You didn't ask, but the labor is the part that I hate about pregnancy and that terrifies me. If I never had to go through labor, I most likely would be eternally pregnant.
Glad you enjoy your pregnancies. I don't, I'd shoot myself if I were eternally pregnant, but it's nice that someone else does. I do love feeling my baby move inside me-that is precious and irreplaceable-but I don't feel like my baby is safe until I'm holding baby in my arms. Labor doesn't bother me. Epidural has worked beautifully every time.
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  #12  
July 30th, 2014, 11:57 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have no idea. I've been pregnant so much and had so many kids that it's all the same to me. I haven't separated the feelings. My pregnancies have all been easy. Deliveries all good. My body was definitely made for it. My oldest is only 18 and so far everyone is doing great. They are all healthy, happy, beautiful, with no issues to deal with. No one has gone through anything that I've had to watch helplessly or anything tragic. Thank god.
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