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Can use some reassurance


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  #1  
August 6th, 2014, 08:20 AM
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Hi ladies. I'm new to this board. I've been a lurker here for a while tho. I'm 31 and my DH and I have 4 kids (10, 6, 3, 1) and I just got a BFP yesterday. Even though we were not TTC, we embrace this as another blessing. But there are still a few things that make me nervous. For one, even though I shouldn't care I am scared as to what my boss will think. I work FT at a law firm and I have excellent benefits so i can't leave. Then my other issue is daycare for another child (this will be 3 in daycare). I pay my MIL to watch my youngest 2 and I just can't ask her to watch another. Then the issue with money (of course lol). We own a house and we have plenty of bills. I will be honest, there are times where I need to pay the mortgage a month late so I can make sure the heat, lights all stay on. We are no struggling to the point where we will loose our home or anything but we struggle. I was wondering if it is like this for anyone else that has a large family? Any advice or reassurance is welcomed! TIA!
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  #2  
August 6th, 2014, 08:39 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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this is where you reach out for some help. Many states have daycare assistance, and you wont need it FOREVER. Maybe you are jumping the gun too. You don't know she wont watch the new baby until she straight out says no. Start looking for resources, and like I said you wont need help forever.
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  #3  
August 6th, 2014, 08:44 AM
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Thank you for the help. I live in CT and I did look into the Care4Kids that they have here and I alone make too much to qualify. You need to make half of the state median and it is nothing. My husband owns his own contracting business and while he works everyday and is busy he doesn't make as much as he did when he worked for someone. I know that, that will change soon because he just keeps on getting busier but I'm one of those people that need to know how much we are getting every week or I freak out lol. Thanks again for the suggestion.
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  #4  
August 6th, 2014, 08:53 AM
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just hang in there.....at this point really, whats another mouth to feed? i mean, in the long run, it will work out just fine, one way or another. as a grandmother, i can't imagine if i was watching 2 kids that i would not also be watching that new baby. your mom deserves huge credit for doing this -- its a tough job, says this tired grandma. the Lord must have thought you could handle it cuz He just blessed you big time!!!!
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  #5  
August 6th, 2014, 09:00 AM
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Thank you MIL for your conforting words. Unfortunatly my MIL (my mother is deceased) isn't your average grandma. She doesn't ever ask to watch the kids (she just started babysitting last month) or call and ask how they are type of thing. The extreemly rare times that we would ask if she could watch them so we can have alone time she would hesitate and she always seemed like she didn't want to. She can get flustered quit easily so I'm not even sure if I even want to ask her to watch this new one (because he/she would be a newborn). I'm not sure if she would be able to handle it. Don't get me wrong, I don't think its her obligation as a grandma to do so. I just wish it was a little different. I would love for her to feel/think the way you or a lot of other grandmas think. But in the end I do appreciate what she is doing for us and I love her regardless of how crazy she can be Anyways, thanks again for the reassurance!
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  #6  
August 6th, 2014, 09:56 AM
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Sometimes it is all about sitting down, really looking at your finances and seeing what you can really do with out.

Can you cut the cable/internet bill down? Make sure extra lights, electronics stay off. Can you get on a budget plan for any of your utilities?

Maybe you need to cut out some extras, such as dinners out, going to the movies.

A couple of the ladies here are fantastic at meal planning and reducing your grocery bill.

Do you have an extra car you could live without, or refinance for a cheaper payment? What about your car insurance?

If your kids are in every extra curricular activity maybe they could choose just one? Or maybe a community center would have cheaper alternatives.

Maybe it is time to search for a new daycare option. Latchkey? Or maybe there is a way you could work part time and do some work from home?

You always have to boil it down to what is most important to you and remember your kids are only little for a short time. Sometimes it means sacrificing some extra income or working around the family to make things work. Good luck, I am sure you will figure it all out.
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  #7  
August 6th, 2014, 11:03 AM
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Congratulations on your pregnancy!

As for finances...just try to think outside the box. We used to live in CT, so I am well aware of those crazy expensive daycare costs.If I were you I'd start with the oldest of your preschool set...the three year old. Look into head start. See if your school district offers a pre-k program. Even if you are over income, a lot of places give the left over slots to just anyone, or else assign them by lottery. If all else fails, just remember, the daycare costs are temporary....they will be off to school soon enough.

Other than that I would just look at your expenses and see if there is anything you can honestly cut back on. The grocery budget can be pinched pretty far if you need it too. Kids activities can add up too. Check into the rec center if you haven't already...our town in Groton had a fabulous parks and recs program that had great deals. They had some daycare options too...mainly for school aged I think, but you could look. Check the ymca too if you have one...they have some scholarship options.

I feel like we were in the same boat as you when I got pregnant with #4. We were even up in Connecticut, lol. I already three in daycare and money was so tight. I decided to become a sahm, and I have never regretted it. Money is still tight, but I am no longer super stressed, and I have the time to do everything/cook everything myself, so we save money like that. In our case though it was my husband that had all the good benefits, so switching to just him working was a good option for us.
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  #8  
August 6th, 2014, 11:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanMomma View Post
Sometimes it is all about sitting down, really looking at your finances and seeing what you can really do with out.

Can you cut the cable/internet bill down? Make sure extra lights, electronics stay off. Can you get on a budget plan for any of your utilities?

Maybe you need to cut out some extras, such as dinners out, going to the movies.

A couple of the ladies here are fantastic at meal planning and reducing your grocery bill.

Do you have an extra car you could live without, or refinance for a cheaper payment? What about your car insurance?

If your kids are in every extra curricular activity maybe they could choose just one? Or maybe a community center would have cheaper alternatives.

Maybe it is time to search for a new daycare option. Latchkey? Or maybe there is a way you could work part time and do some work from home?

You always have to boil it down to what is most important to you and remember your kids are only little for a short time. Sometimes it means sacrificing some extra income or working around the family to make things work. Good luck, I am sure you will figure it all out.
Thank you for all of your ideas. Even though last year I went through all my bills to see what I can cut down (tv, phone ect) I will do it again. Maybe I can just get a prepaid cell. Once the kids start school I'm only going to have them do 1 sport (they normally do 1 anyways). I wish I could be a SAHM I would love that. But if I quit my job I would be paying more in health insurance than I would in daycare every month and on top of it have deductibles (something I don't have now). I researched different options but I'm going to continue looking into it. They let me work from home on Fridays so I can save a few with paying my MIL. This may sound dumb but what is Latchkey? LOL Thanks again for your advice. Its appreciated!
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  #9  
August 6th, 2014, 11:20 AM
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Congrats on your BFP. Everyone has made excellent suggestions>


I guess just taking things day by day is the way to go, it will all work out.
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  #10  
August 6th, 2014, 11:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clouise View Post
Congratulations on your pregnancy!

As for finances...just try to think outside the box. We used to live in CT, so I am well aware of those crazy expensive daycare costs.If I were you I'd start with the oldest of your preschool set...the three year old. Look into head start. See if your school district offers a pre-k program. Even if you are over income, a lot of places give the left over slots to just anyone, or else assign them by lottery. If all else fails, just remember, the daycare costs are temporary....they will be off to school soon enough.

Other than that I would just look at your expenses and see if there is anything you can honestly cut back on. The grocery budget can be pinched pretty far if you need it too. Kids activities can add up too. Check into the rec center if you haven't already...our town in Groton had a fabulous parks and recs program that had great deals. They had some daycare options too...mainly for school aged I think, but you could look. Check the ymca too if you have one...they have some scholarship options.

I feel like we were in the same boat as you when I got pregnant with #4. We were even up in Connecticut, lol. I already three in daycare and money was so tight. I decided to become a sahm, and I have never regretted it. Money is still tight, but I am no longer super stressed, and I have the time to do everything/cook everything myself, so we save money like that. In our case though it was my husband that had all the good benefits, so switching to just him working was a good option for us.
Yes, daycare in CT is soo expensive. One place I looked into was $323 a week for 1 kid! Groton is a nice town. I live in East Haven and we don't have a rec I believe. I think we use the town next to us rec center. I will look into that and see what they offer. Or maybe its a YMCA I'm thinking of...not sure. I know East Haven has a Family Resource center that is a pre-school program that you pay for but they go on a sliding scale. I'm going to double check my bills/utilities and get onto a tight budget now and look into the rec thing. Thanks so much for the help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by #5in2005 View Post
Congrats on your BFP. Everyone has made excellent suggestions>


I guess just taking things day by day is the way to go, it will all work out.


Thank you! I am going to try my best to continue to remember that. You ladies are very helpful. I might just stick around this board if thats ok.
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  #11  
August 6th, 2014, 11:41 AM
angelinal09's Avatar Super Mommy
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The others have given some great advice; I have none right now but can relate and offer some reassurance. We are expecting #'s 9 and 10 and have certainly been in some tough spots financially. It does all work out though it may not seem like it right now. Also, latchkey is an after-school program usually for elementary aged kids. It's a relatively inexpensive daycare option for the time between school getting out and the average work day ending (5-6 pm). Here it's called B&A and in another city we lived in it was called SafeKey.
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  #12  
August 7th, 2014, 06:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angelinal09 View Post
The others have given some great advice; I have none right now but can relate and offer some reassurance. We are expecting #'s 9 and 10 and have certainly been in some tough spots financially. It does all work out though it may not seem like it right now. Also, latchkey is an after-school program usually for elementary aged kids. It's a relatively inexpensive daycare option for the time between school getting out and the average work day ending (5-6 pm). Here it's called B&A and in another city we lived in it was called SafeKey.


Congrats on your pregnancy. Ohhh ok I don't think they call the after school programs here latchkey. Thanks for the reassurance and good luck with the birth!
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  #13  
August 7th, 2014, 11:20 AM
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Congrats! We are expecting #4 - also a surprise.


I have no financial advice to give - I'm a SAHM and we struggle too. I got my BFP about a week ago and it's taken that long for me to begin to get over the shock and stop worrying about everything. One day at a time - it all comes together in the end.
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  #14  
August 8th, 2014, 06:37 AM
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Welcome and congrats! We are expecting number 10 around Christmas . We own our own business and buy our health insurance through the marketplace exchange. We get it for really cheap. It's made it possible for us to be self insured and own our own business. Check it out, if you are working for insurance, this is an option. Don't work just for the insurance. If being a SAHM is really something you want to do, start checking into ways to make it happen. Our business is a year and a half old and have already made more this year by June than all of last year....and we made it. It was somewhat ugly, haha.


Gardening saves a ton of money...we raise our own pork and chicken and all our veggies, saves us tons.
Garage sales for clothes and other things. We get 90% of our stuff used.


Just a few thoughts, if you were home you could do/try these things to reduce bills. Plus, they are fun with kiddos!
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