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  #1  
June 25th, 2009, 04:40 PM
Shawna-mom-to-4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am a bit worried about bonding with 2 babies instead of one, with my first 2 it was instant before they where even born, i would daydream about snuggling and enjoying every moment of them but this time all I can imagine is 2x the crying 2x the diapers and being exhausted and stressed and my son had colic, reflux and tummy issues and I still cherished every minute but this 2 thing freaks me out. was it hard to bond with 2? do you ever really get to enjoy them or is just work work work?
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  #2  
June 25th, 2009, 10:01 PM
tundrababy's Avatar Mega Super Twin Mommy
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I won't lie, it was difficult and I still don't feel like I have the same connection as I did with my oldest. But today the boys were 'talking' with each other and I had an overwhelming sense that it would be okay, they would understand...
and I would add that nursing really helped with bonding, fortunately my better nurser is my laid-back baby who doesn't require as much time as the other (colic, reflux, generally uptight) It all balances itself in the end.
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  #3  
June 25th, 2009, 10:33 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I thought I'd have trouble, but I feel just as bonded with my adopted twins as I did with my bio DS at this age; I do get a few minutes each day to bond with them individually, though infrequent and they do have pretty different personalities which really helps me bond with each of them
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  #4  
June 26th, 2009, 05:18 AM
LynneD's Avatar Super Mommy
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I worried about the EXACT same thing. On the bad days I did/do feel sometimes that I am a bit robbed of enjoying this infant time b/c it can be so stressful when they are both fussing/needy. I still feel just as close to each of them as I did with my first DD. I'm learning how to isolate my attention on one at a time. Sometimes when one is sleeping in her swing I'll take the other one (if she is awake, of course!) to another room to play or do tummy time. I feed them separately, too, so that helps. The other thing that helps is to really take advantage of the time when you have someone else there with you. I am so much more relaxed when DH is home and I can thoroughly enjoy the one I'm holding and taking care of (if I'm not totally exchausted from the day!). I will say as soon as they were born I fell just as in love as I did with Corinne and I couldn't imagine there only being one of them.
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  #5  
June 26th, 2009, 07:00 AM
Shawna-mom-to-4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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thanks for your replies, I guess right now i am more scared than excited LOL kind of feel bad for that but can't help it
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  #6  
June 26th, 2009, 12:16 PM
TheyGrowLikeWeeds's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I bonded with both my boys pretty quickly. I hug them both, I play with them both. I talk to them both. When they were born I just gave each one personal time....a few minutes to each. That helped me a lot. I saw them as individual babies that both need my attention. At the time, they didn't have their own specific personalities. A little, but as most infants have. They react more to one thing or another. As they grew their personalities, I had already gotten to the point where I felt I had bonded. Their personalities are partially formed by you and how you react to them. They bond with you as you bond with them when you do spend that time getting to know them individually. You are not leaving one behind as long as you give them both attention. If I gave Cameron more attention one day, I'll give Kiefer more the following day. It really worked for me. One baby may seem more needy of you than the other, but just try not to give him more than your other baby.

They will also learn your needs. I have had to sit them down and let them cry a bit cause I needed some time off. I give them a kiss, tell them I love them, and go sit down. They will find somethign to entertain themselves eventually. they'll let you know if they really need you. But if you don't give yourself some time off, you will get overwhelmed and be less than fully there for them at their time of need. It's happened.

The point is, you will bond with them. Know your limits and spend time with them individually. It's a lot of work, but they are more to love and you get twice the love in return. It's a great bargain!
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  #7  
June 26th, 2009, 12:46 PM
TheyGrowLikeWeeds's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Repeat....
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  #8  
June 26th, 2009, 02:52 PM
*Mandy*'s Avatar Co-Host Moms of Multiples
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I worry about this to.I will basically be all by myself when DH does back to work,he works alot of hours so i'm wondering how i'm gonna divide my time between two newborns and a 2 year old.Not to mention my older ones.
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  #9  
June 26th, 2009, 07:43 PM
*TornadoJenn*'s Avatar Jenn's the name
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Shawna, I had the same thoughts. I love them TOTALLY differently, but love them both the same, if that makes sense. Spencer is my lovey dovey huggy snuggly boy, and Samantha only WANTS you when she needs you. Spencer was totally needy and fussy and FRUSTRATING but for some reason I bonded stronger with him in the beginning.

Things will work out. No one is going to sit here and tell you that you've got an easy road ahead of you, LOL, but it is worth it when you sit back and go, "wow, they are both mine? I did that?"
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  #10  
June 27th, 2009, 10:05 AM
Heatherjfitz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2KaylaPlusTwins View Post
Shawna, I had the same thoughts. I love them TOTALLY differently, but love them both the same, if that makes sense. Spencer is my lovey dovey huggy snuggly boy, and Samantha only WANTS you when she needs you. Spencer was totally needy and fussy and FRUSTRATING but for some reason I bonded stronger with him in the beginning.

Things will work out. No one is going to sit here and tell you that you've got an easy road ahead of you, LOL, but it is worth it when you sit back and go, "wow, they are both mine? I did that?"

I couldn't agree more with this post. I bonded with both my girls instantly, however things got a bit harder at around 3 weeks old...What has developed for us is a completely different sort of love for each child. I love Isabella in a different sort of way then I love Alyssa, but the strength of that love is the same. They both have such different personalities that it would be impossible to feel the same way about them. Just the same as you probably feel attached to your son for specific reasons, and attached to your daughter for different reasons. This same thing happens but just at the same time! As for being scared...don't feel bad. It IS a lot of work, and you will probably be overwhelmed and exhausted at first. I cried everynight for 3 months. lol. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My girls are 4 months old now and sleeping through the night. Smiling and giggling and talking to each other. I can spend more one on one time with them now because they nap at different times. These things are what help me get through the day now. I couldn't be happier with my girls now, and I am such a proud twin mommy! I DID THAT! lol. I will say though....Count on...bank on...one of your twins being colic or extremely fussy. Especially since your son was colic already. Prepare yourself for it. If it doesn't happen it's a blessing...but most twin moms I have talked to have one fussy baby and one laid back baby. I wasn't prepared for that and WOAH I was in shell shock! Another thing too, I don't know how the other moms feel about this but... don't plan on leaving your house alone for a long time...lol. Maybe some moms can, but my girls are still either eating or napping... Good luck, I promise you will live through it!
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  #11  
June 27th, 2009, 10:46 AM
Shawna-mom-to-4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heatherjfitz View Post
I couldn't agree more with this post. I bonded with both my girls instantly, however things got a bit harder at around 3 weeks old...What has developed for us is a completely different sort of love for each child. I love Isabella in a different sort of way then I love Alyssa, but the strength of that love is the same. They both have such different personalities that it would be impossible to feel the same way about them. Just the same as you probably feel attached to your son for specific reasons, and attached to your daughter for different reasons. This same thing happens but just at the same time! As for being scared...don't feel bad. It IS a lot of work, and you will probably be overwhelmed and exhausted at first. I cried everynight for 3 months. lol. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My girls are 4 months old now and sleeping through the night. Smiling and giggling and talking to each other. I can spend more one on one time with them now because they nap at different times. These things are what help me get through the day now. I couldn't be happier with my girls now, and I am such a proud twin mommy! I DID THAT! lol. I will say though....Count on...bank on...one of your twins being colic or extremely fussy. Especially since your son was colic already. Prepare yourself for it. If it doesn't happen it's a blessing...but most twin moms I have talked to have one fussy baby and one laid back baby. I wasn't prepared for that and WOAH I was in shell shock! Another thing too, I don't know how the other moms feel about this but... don't plan on leaving your house alone for a long time...lol. Maybe some moms can, but my girls are still either eating or napping... Good luck, I promise you will live through it!

this may sound crazy but I can already tell one is more laid back than the other, baby B is ALWAYS moving and I hardly feel baby A my DD was laid back and my DS was a mover and needy, I am just thankful my mom will be staying with us for a while LOL
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  #12  
June 27th, 2009, 01:16 PM
*TornadoJenn*'s Avatar Jenn's the name
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I have a feeling you've got b/g twins Shawna. And my mover was Spencer...he has ALWAYS been a handful.

They are going to be 2 in 4 months and I still will not (can NOT) go somewhere with them by myself. Its impossible.
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  #13  
June 27th, 2009, 09:19 PM
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I think that it is interesting the the ones who felt like the bonded with their twins more are the ones who this is their first. I don't feel like I have the same connection with the twin as I did with each of the girls. It is hard to bond when you have to go every which way with the older ones.
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  #14  
June 27th, 2009, 11:16 PM
mayandsofiasmommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think it is good you are worrying about it now Why? Because I was freaked out about delivery and not worried at ALL about taking them home, and it turned out to be way harder than I imagined. Of course, I think much of that was post partum depression. Plus I was on a 3 hour feeding schedule and having problems with breastfeeding. But yes, it is rough. Really rough! And it's more than twice the work. It really is. But, I think you will do fine and don't worry about the bonding. I didn't bond right away- again I blame PPD and also being busy w/ feedings, but you will bond.
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