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Guilt?


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  #1  
October 2nd, 2008, 07:56 AM
fiefer87's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Does the guilty feeling that you did something wrong during pregnancy ever really go away? My dd is 6 and I am still feeling guilty or thinking that I must have done something wrong while I was pregnant with her.
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  #2  
October 2nd, 2008, 09:23 AM
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You know, when this pops up, I remind myself that I really DIDN"T do anything wrong during pregnancy. I ate right, walked, maybe like 6 times the whole time I had a taste of wine or beer. There are babies (unfortunately) born to women who continue to smoke, use drugs or abuse alcohol during pregnancy, and often their babies are fine! My friend pointed out yesterday that I was comparing my baby to the 'perfect' babies, and not to the rest of the babies (the majority). She began to name issues with our friends babies...needs surgery for urethra, being tested for autism b/c he hasn't walked yet, hole in the lung at birth, etc, etc. When she put it that way, I realized that at some point in their lives, every baby/teenager/person will have some 'issue' that they face. I think it's just part of the imperfection of being born, not anything we did.
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  #3  
October 3rd, 2008, 10:12 AM
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^ Ditto

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  #4  
October 3rd, 2008, 10:52 AM
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Very well said! I posted this on another thread in here but it's still a favorite quote - "You did the best you could at the time with the knowledge you had." It's human nature to want to find a reason for why things happen, and to want to blame yourself especially when it concerns your children. Unfortunately there's no changing the past. I am not especially religious but sometimes I wonder if there is a reason things happen the way they do, and to try and see if I can find something good that came out of a negative thing. It's not always easy! My middle DD is not a heart baby but she has some mental issues that may have been a result of having Group B strep as a newborn. I get mad at myself every day and still haven't seen the reason for that one but I'm still looking
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  #5  
October 3rd, 2008, 12:42 PM
fiefer87's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks ladies. I guess my biggest problem is the other medical issues my dd has. No one knows what causes septo-optic dysplasia and the only thing that they have found that correlates to it is young maternal age(younger than 20 I think it was). So I was 19 when I had her, and sometimes I feel like its all my fault because I was still a teen when I had her. But Heidi, you're right, I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time.
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  #6  
October 3rd, 2008, 01:41 PM
rabbitranch's Avatar est. 2000
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Quote:
Thanks ladies. I guess my biggest problem is the other medical issues my dd has. No one knows what causes septo-optic dysplasia and the only thing that they have found that correlates to it is young maternal age(younger than 20 I think it was). So I was 19 when I had her, and sometimes I feel like its all my fault because I was still a teen when I had her. But Heidi, you're right, I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time.[/b]
I think that the statistics for teen pregnancy are largely because of the younger women in that age group who are receiving no prenatal care and therefore don't know if anything is wrong and how to fix it; poor nutrition; and stress. I don't think *just* having a child at a young age makes for any more problems, congenital or otherwise, than a woman who is older - especially not if you are in your late teens. I was 18 when I had my firstborn and 19 (almost 20) when I had my second. I was 24 when I had Coral and she wound up being the one with problems.
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  #7  
October 3rd, 2008, 04:08 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so guilt laden at times, its hard to see through it. Its a constant fight in my head of Was it this? Was is that? Was it coz my pregnancies were so close?
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  #8  
October 3rd, 2008, 08:15 PM
Girl_interrupted
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I did do something wrong. I believed my doctor when she said the meds I was on were safe during pregnancy.

Oh... the guilt. You better believe I feel guilty. Every time I look at her.
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  #9  
October 3rd, 2008, 08:50 PM
stacyp's Avatar Mommy to Andrew & Luke
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No, I don't. Luke's CHD are most likely related to his Trisomy 21 & I did nothing to cause that.

Girl_Interrupted, ((HUGS)) to you. You listened to your doc & were told the meds were safe. You didn't know this was going to happen. ((HUGS))
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  #10  
October 4th, 2008, 10:16 AM
fiefer87's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Girl_Interrupted - I can only imagine what you have had to deal with. It is sooo frustrating and devasting when we learn what the doctors told us is safe wasn't really safe. But we make the best of what information we have at the time, learn from our mistakes, and go forward. You and your family are in my ts and ps
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  #11  
October 4th, 2008, 07:10 PM
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Even though I believe everything that I said, I would be lying if the thoughts didn't pop into my mind. and also the sadness of not having the "dream scenario". I think we all deserve some praise for the difficulties of raising 'challenging' babies. I don't know about you all, but I would often like to hear people say more, "wow, you are doing a great job! it must be so tough!" So I am saying that to us all now. We are really strong mommies. We're doing more than just meeting their every need. We're shuttling them to appointments, putting on happy faces when we're really scared, following up with the doctors with our own constant observations and trying to still have fun with them and for them, in spite of the stress. We're awesome mommies!
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