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there have been alot of one word topics...Faith, Inspiration, Guilt. Mine is Fear. How about you? Sometimes I am just going with the flow, but then Jack gets a cold or something, and then the wheels start turning...I sometimes feel like I am just watching him for signs of not eating enough, sweating, etc, and I get myself into a very fearful place. This part is really hard for me. With any baby there would be what if's, but with him, there are just so many more. Especially when you add in all of the big words the docs use...congestive heart failure, congenital heart disease, failure to thrive. I hate this fearful place. I just want to let go!
I think its normal to be fearful. Even though Zac is gone I still have fear everyday. Has something been missed in Jasmine? What about future kids? I was once told that being the parent of a heartkid is like a rollercoaster. Ups, downs, evens, fear, delight.
My stomach is in knots before we go to appointments.....days leading up to. I am always worried about what they may say. I think I wake up a thousand times to check on him at night. I still check to see if he may have dusky nailbeds, watch to make sure his respirations aren't labored. Then I look at him & cry because I think of everything he's been through.
Thanks Yvonne (Jaidynsmum) for my beautiful siggy!
I lived in that place for awhile. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering when it would happen, what it would be, did we miss something, and of course the what else can go wrong. I don't really live there much anymore. My dd is now 6, and we have learned to cope much better than we did before. I still do get afraid though,
<div align="center">Thanks Alison's Mommy, SillyMama, Katarina and samylaine for my blinkies.</div>