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I've really been concentrating on being positive. Tomorrow we leave to go to the poconos to some resort (that was way more expensive than we can afford) until Sunday in celebration of our 1-year wedding anniversary. It was a splurge, but we figured after alll of the insane stuff we deal with concerning my stepson (and we have full custody of him, so we barely ever get a break from him) and our losses we deserve to get away.
Plus the good news that we are expecting again. I have been cleaning the room that was going to be Roald's nursery. I took the things we bought for him out of the room; if we find out we are having a boy, I'm breaking them out again. If we're having a girl, they will stay stored away. It made me really sad after I took them out of his room. I am still very excited to get the crib and changing table from my parents (and hopefully a rocker at my shower) and to rearrange it the way I wanted to before Roald came but it makes me feel weird and really sad. It is really the perfect nursery; I will have to post pics. I remember what it was like when my niece and nephews were babies at night; the light hum of nursery nightlights, rocking them. I just know this room will be filled with great happiness soon, but there is an absense and sadness lingering. When my niece and nephews were born I just couldn't wait until it was my turn. This is my third shot at my turn this year and still no baby.
*sighs* I don't know what I'm getting it, I just felt the need to get that out.