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  #1  
April 21st, 2009, 03:34 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
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I would love to have another. I have 4 but I would like one more. I wonder though if it is because of Jake and that I will always have this feeling of wanting one more. Anyone else feel this way?
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Owen, Avery, Samantha and forever missing Jake born still 08/01/99.




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  #2  
April 22nd, 2009, 04:41 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192
Bill and I want 5 or 6. We think we can do it, financially and whatnot. Then again, we don't even have cable (by choice) and we love flea markets, etc. so we are frugal lol.

I've personally always wanted alot of kids, but I think even if I hadn't wanted that many before I would want that many now after Roald. I think it just really shows you what a gift children are and how fulfilling they are to have. Plus my sister and brother-in-law only had two and now they are 10 and 8. I just would be going crazy knowing I was never going to have a baby again. They really, really do grow up way too fast. Granted, I know some women can't get pregnant that often, because of fertility issues, etc. and I totally understand that.
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Last edited by BakingMommy; April 22nd, 2009 at 04:42 AM. Reason: spelling
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  #3  
April 22nd, 2009, 02:35 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I think that would be a hard decision to make, whether you want another baby because of your loss. But in reality, is there anything wrong with that? I don't think there is. I mean, while Jake will always be your baby and nothing will replace him, you have all that maternal instinct that you built up that you now have no outlet for. You were planning for another baby, so is it wrong to have another one?

Cora was my first and I've always wanted 5 so having another one wasn't a question for me. My question now, though, is does Cora "count" in my 5?
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  #4  
April 22nd, 2009, 02:48 PM
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Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,095
I wanted two, but after we lost Eva the number went up to three. I am not sure why the change occurred, but it did. I do not have dh's agreement on having three, but I'm working on him. I am starting to think, after all the trouble we have been having, that I should count myself lucky if I have another one. I guess the end number is still fluid for me. And as to question about whether Eva counts in the three? No. I want to raise three children, and if I am lucky enough to do that, I will still always be the mother of four. Does that makes sense?
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  #5  
April 22nd, 2009, 02:57 PM
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Yes that makes sense. I wanted at least 3 and DH wanted maybe 2 and after Jake, well I wanted at least 3 living children but preferred more. I keep saying, just one more to my DH but he is ready to stop and is scared at the physical and emotional toll a pregnancy would have on me. I guess I am afraid that if I did manage to have another then this feeling of 'just one more' would not go away, does that make any sense?
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Owen, Avery, Samantha and forever missing Jake born still 08/01/99.




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  #6  
April 22nd, 2009, 03:07 PM
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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Yes, it makes perfect sense. It's hard not to question some of your motivations after a loss like ours. I always kind of wanted a little girl to go along with my little boy, and then I had one. Now I really want a little girl, and I know that part of me wants that because I feel like I need to try to fix what went wrong with my life. It's like someone came along and moved around my living room and now I have to put it all back the way it is supposed to be. I will be happy and love any child I get more than my next breath, but I can't shake the feeling that I am supposed to have a daughter, too.
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  #7  
April 23rd, 2009, 09:28 AM
Dacontay4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I definitely want more. At least one...I really want another boy, and I love having a big family. My parents have 12 children, including 2 in heaven, and my mom is my hero...I hope I'm as good a mom as she is, but I share her love for a large family I have six right now, 5 with me, plus the one inside me...I want at least one or two after this...and probably adopt more kids later on.
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Wifey to David. Mommy to Mady, Connor, Taylor, Grier, Chandler, Evalyn and Bryce
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  #8  
April 23rd, 2009, 02:24 PM
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Location: CT
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We do want more. During labor with Joey I was crying and my husband said "don't worry we'll do this again." At the time that made me cry harder because I couldn't think of having another child when I hadn't even said goodbye to my sweet Joey yet. But about a week after being home I began obsessing over having another baby. I wanted so badly to hold an infant again and smell that sweet baby smell...thats why we conceived Joey. That desire is still there. But I was so looking forward to having a baby NOW that it has become very difficult to think about waiting. I *should* wait until the end of the summer to ttc because I'll be teaching at a new school next year and I should probably try and be there the whole year. But on the other hand, all I think about is having a baby. Another thing that we have to think about with timing is that the next baby will be induced at least a week or more early, my doctor has already told me. Because Joey had an omphalocele, even though his genetics were normal, plus we think he died on his due date...my first son Jamie was born on his due date....I have come to the conclusion that my body is not meant to be pregnant past 40wks...even by a day. I think mentally and emotionally I can never face another due date.

The timing is so difficult to figure out...I also don't want to jump the gun and get pregnant before grieving for Joey. I know that is something that could take years (and we're not waiting years), but I feel like I'm disrespecting him somehow if we go ahead and try too soon.

*sigh* I can already feel the relief that will come when I hear that baby cry...I can practically picture the delivery already, knowing that like Joey's birth, it will be a bit bittersweet, just more sweet than bitter this time.
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Kathryn
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
and
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010


Last edited by J_n_JsMommy; April 23rd, 2009 at 02:27 PM.
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  #9  
April 23rd, 2009, 03:46 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J_n_JsMommy View Post
But I was so looking forward to having a baby NOW that it has become very difficult to think about waiting.
That's how it was for me. I wanted that baby NOW and even 9 months seemed like too much of a wait. But I had been so sick for my entire pregnancy with Cora that I couldn't handle the idea of being pregnant again right away. So I did wait...for a few months...
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  #10  
April 23rd, 2009, 04:27 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
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I wish I could hibernate during pregnancy or something. I felt like that too, wanted a baby that very second and the thought of waiting was depressing. I guess that is normal since we all waited for our babies to hold and snuggle and feed and just everything and all of that was taken away. I thankfully have never have to face another due date either, the closest i got was 39 weeks and 3 days with my 3rd and with him I was induced a few days earlier then scheduled because of a deceleration in his heartbeat during my last nst. I want another but I feel like i would be pushing my luck, makes no rational sense but my attitude towards pregnancy isn't all that rational anymore.
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Owen, Avery, Samantha and forever missing Jake born still 08/01/99.




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  #11  
April 23rd, 2009, 06:39 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 982
I see that...the whole attitude towards pregnancy is changing. Even for my husband it is changing. He used to be so set on two children....he wants to try again as soon as I feel ready. But he even said to me that this is it, we can have as many babies as I want (I've always wanted a bigger family)....I think there is just this desire to fill our house with as much love as possible...we know none of them will ever take Joey's place but it might make the rough edges of that hole left by Joey a little smoother.

But really, getting pregnant is all I think about and I'm not even done...well...recovering from Joey's birth. *TMI alert* I'm 2.5wks pp and I'm pretty much just spotting but its like my body can't make up its mind. I'll have some spotting in the morning then nothing the whole afternoon and the next morning then it will start again etc. Its SOOOOO annoying. My cycle was mucho screwed up after Jamie was born, plus I was nursing so I'm not even sure how long it will be or how many days my cycle will turn into. The cycle I got pregnant with Joey on was going to be about 50 days, the cycle before that was 93 days...so who the heck knows. I'm just very impatient...just want to get back to "normal".

Even though I would love to be pregnant again, my husband and I don't want to tell anyone. Its not like we can just get past a certain point in the pg and be relieved...we had a normal healthy pregnancy....so i think we literally wouldn't say anything...just let people figure it out. I want to just crawl under a rock next time.
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Kathryn
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
and
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010


Last edited by J_n_JsMommy; April 23rd, 2009 at 06:59 PM.
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  #12  
April 23rd, 2009, 06:57 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 982
oops sorry double posted
__________________
Kathryn
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
and
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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