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TTC after stillbirth GIRLS!! Let's get going here!


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  #1  
May 3rd, 2009, 05:11 PM
littlebeansmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
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Ok girls, I know there are more of us than just me TTC right now. I think we should get our own thread going. We can chat about anything on this thread, TTC or not, just to keep it going.

So I guess the first question is, where are you in your cycle?

I'm 8-9dpo. I have a couple of possible symptoms but I'm really trying hard this month not to read into anything.

Another question.....how soon will you tell your families? I've really been debating holding off on telling people. We live pretty far from our families and so it would be easy to wait until 20+ weeks. Around home, people would definitely begin to notice that I'm getting bigger (I popped at around 10 wks with KT, my second). But we'll see.
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  #2  
May 3rd, 2009, 05:38 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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I am 2 weeks away from TTC! As soon as I finish this birth control pill pack, I take my fertility drugs!

We will be telling our immediate families, well, immediately. Parents and siblings. Everybody else, we'll wait the traditional 12 weeks. If it were up to me, I'd tell everyone immediately like last time (except my coworkers). And as far as coworkers go, I'm not sharing. They can just figure it out when it's obvious, which will be at 7 months at least, because I'm heavyset.
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  #3  
May 3rd, 2009, 05:38 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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Double post!
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  #4  
May 4th, 2009, 07:08 PM
littlebeansmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
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I hate the wait. This next weekend is going to take wayyyyy too long to get here.
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  #5  
May 4th, 2009, 07:25 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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I'm waiting to O which should be by the weekend. A lot of BDing going on here. I'm hoping we catch the egg this month. I've some how become obsessed with having a baby in Jan 2010. I think a birthday of 1-1-10 or 1-10-10 would be cool. It might be because mine is 10-10, I don't know, I'm just weird.

I really don't want to tell anyone till after the first sonogram. I really want to make sure there is only 1! If there is 2, I would just cry endlessly for days before I told anyone. My problem is DH though, he doesn't like to keep things a secret. So I might have to keep it from him for a few days.
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  #6  
May 4th, 2009, 07:25 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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  #7  
May 4th, 2009, 09:07 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I hope you don't mind if I lurk on you girls...lol. I waited until after we saw a heartbeat with Erin to tell anyone. Mostly because my mother was devastated when I lost Cora (it kind of made her relive her own loss). I wanted to make sure there was a baby with a heartbeat in the right place before I told her, so I had to not tell anyone.
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  #8  
May 4th, 2009, 09:23 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm here. We didn't wait, and it kind of sucked because everyone else was all, "Wheee! Pregnancy=Baby!" and I was like, "Ummmm.... not necessarily." And of course, not for me this time.

The waiting sucks monkeys. I am just SO frustrated with the endless waiting. Right now I'm on the pill for this month after my loss and surgery, hopefully we can do another cycle next month. I really really want a February baby.
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  #9  
May 4th, 2009, 09:43 PM
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I am waiting to start my cycle as I"m only 4wks post partum. I have no idea when we will be ready to actively ttc again. I am looking for a new teaching job and I dont' know if I want to be pregnant through another "first year of teaching" as this past year was also my first year at a school. I would love to ttc NOW lol...I just want a baby to hold and kiss and snuggle. But I also want to lose some megaweight before ttc...I was a size 8 at 150lb and got pg with #1, great...gained 50lb...Lost like 30lb the first 6wks and after I stopped nursing at 6months it just slowly crept back on. I got pg with ds2 at 187lb and I"m currently hovering around 200 which is 22lb down from delivery day of ds2, great! but I don't want to get pregnant at this weight, I just wouldn't feel healthy.

We will probably just be using the pull and pray method though until we decide to ttc. I don't react well to birth control pills. Another baby would be a blessing any time, and frankly, Joey was so well planned with charting temps etc that I'm almost afraid to do that again because of the way things worked out.

How did you decide you were ready? I see some moms waiting 2-3 months, some longer. Since I carried to full term I am also a little wary of getting pg right away, even though people have babes close in age all the time and they're fine....There is so much more to grieving, than just plain grieving. Its craziness girls!
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  #10  
May 4th, 2009, 09:54 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J_n_JsMommy View Post
How did you decide you were ready? I see some moms waiting 2-3 months, some longer. Since I carried to full term I am also a little wary of getting pg right away, even though people have babes close in age all the time and they're fine....There is so much more to grieving, than just plain grieving. Its craziness girls!

This was a hard decision for me. I was also full term, and VERY SICK the entire time. So I had to wait long enough that the idea of throwing up for 9 months again didn't automatically make me break down into tears. From a grief standpoint...well...I decided I was ready when I realized that I just wanted a baby, it didn't have to be Cora. (I mean, I still wanted Cora back but for the first couple of months, I didn't want another baby, I wanted Cora back) Also, when I wanted a baby more than I was afraid of losing another one.

edited to add: We waited four months, and the fifth we were ttc but didn't get pregnant.
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  #11  
May 4th, 2009, 11:54 PM
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My cycles are so messed up right now (last month it was 52 long-a$s days). We're actually going to a fertility clinic next week to try to get some answers about what's going on. I'm trying not to use OPKs this month b/c they really stress me out. Whatever happens, happens.

As to telling people, I'm definitely telling immediate family right away. I need my family there for me for support b/c I know I'm going to be soooo stressed when I do finally get pregnant. Good friends I'll probably only wait for about 5 - 6 weeks this time, and work and everyone else, probably about 13 - 16 weeks or so.
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  #12  
May 5th, 2009, 05:13 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I wanted to get pregnant again right away... though we knew it wouldn't happen. (I can't get pregnant without IVF, and we couldn't do IVF for 6+ months because of my job/insurance situation.) But if I had been given the choice? I would have been ready 2 weeks after giving birth. I think in large part because we have been trying for this since 2005, I reached a point a long time ago that I just don't care what I have to go through to get there, I just want a baby. Losing Devin was horrible, the grieve knocked us down, but it didn't change the fact that we wanted a child, and wanted one sooner than later.

Of course had I actually gotten pregnant right away I would have been dealing with pregnancy AND grief and I'm not sure that would have been ideal. I think the first 9 months were the hardest... the first 6 definitely were, that's how long I waited to get a job... that's how long I needed to sort myself out and be okay with being around strangers on a frequent basis. I'm in a much much better spot mentally now than I was then. But it's also been over a year and it just KILLS me that I'm still not pregnant.
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  #13  
May 5th, 2009, 07:22 AM
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We are TTC
if I get pregnant I am not telling anyone till I know the sex - okay let me rephrase that i am not announcing it on facebook till I know the sex or telling my parents ha ha ha ha -- so 18 - 20 weeks of a secret - everyone in Washington would know that I am friends with and of course JM!
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  #14  
May 5th, 2009, 07:51 AM
littlebeansmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
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I thought long and hard about the TTC thing after going through this. I went back and forth with trying and not trying and waiting and not waiting. What it came down to was this..... I want a larger family. I want a living sibling for my DS. Therefore we were going to try again. As for the when part, I had a lot of people advise me to wait because I needed time to grieve and my body needed time to heal. I had a response to each of those arguements. #1, I will forever grieve my child, so if that's the criteria for waiting, I'll never have another baby. #2, people get pregnant all the time after their 6wk post partum period, so what difference would it make if I waited or not. This month will be 5 months since losing KT, but we've only been actively trying for 2 months now.
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  #15  
May 5th, 2009, 02:55 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littlebeansmommy View Post
I thought long and hard about the TTC thing after going through this. I went back and forth with trying and not trying and waiting and not waiting. What it came down to was this..... I want a larger family. I want a living sibling for my DS. Therefore we were going to try again. As for the when part, I had a lot of people advise me to wait because I needed time to grieve and my body needed time to heal. I had a response to each of those arguements. #1, I will forever grieve my child, so if that's the criteria for waiting, I'll never have another baby. #2, people get pregnant all the time after their 6wk post partum period, so what difference would it make if I waited or not. This month will be 5 months since losing KT, but we've only been actively trying for 2 months now.
Holy Cow!! Same thing here, minus the sibling part, I just want my first baby. I also want more than 2 I think. I grew up an only child in my house and DH has 1 sister. I think 3 kids would be nice, maybe 4. We'll see what happens. I'm done waiting. I will always grieve and love my girls, but I don't want to wait any longer than I have to to get started. We've been trying for 2 months, much harder though last month and this month (this will be our 3rd month actively TTC)

I hope you get your BFP soon! Maybe we will be in the same DDC.
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  #16  
May 5th, 2009, 07:11 PM
littlebeansmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
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Well this bites. Looks like she's going to show up 4 days early this cycle.
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  #17  
May 5th, 2009, 07:17 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littlebeansmommy View Post
Well this bites. Looks like she's going to show up 4 days early this cycle.
I'm sorry, that sucks.

I'm so excited, my doctor gave me the go-ahead to do my frozen transfer cycle with this next AF! No more waiting! Yay!!
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  #18  
May 5th, 2009, 08:37 PM
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When I didn't get pregnant in November (our first month ttc after her loss), I really wasn't all that surprised. When I didn't get pregnant in December, I sobbed to my mom. She told me I should just focus on thinking that 2008 was Katrina's year, so that's what I did to make myself feel better. In January, we completely missed my ovulation b/c of my own stupidity with OPKs. Then February comes and we timed everything perfectly and I thought I wasn't stressing and then boom, AF shows her ugliness and that really, really hurt. Then I had my crazy 52 day cycle, so didn't even ovulate until the end of March and then stupid AF showed again in mid April. Now I'm waiting to ovulate and go to the fertility clinic next week.

It's extremely frustrating and disappointing and just, well hurts I pray we can make Katrina a big sister to a healthy baby one day soon!

Last edited by LaLaLa1; May 5th, 2009 at 08:41 PM.
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  #19  
May 5th, 2009, 08:37 PM
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double post

Last edited by LaLaLa1; May 5th, 2009 at 08:42 PM.
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  #20  
May 5th, 2009, 08:38 PM
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and triple

Last edited by LaLaLa1; May 5th, 2009 at 08:43 PM.
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