We pride ourselves on having the friendliest
and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment
for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers.
If you have any problems registering please drop an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!
There were only 2 people I hadn't told at work yesterday about the pregnancy, so I told one of them (the other wasn't working).
So when I told her yesterday, she was so excited for me. She wasn't working with us when I lost Katrina, she started in Oct. '08, but she knows all about Katrina and knows just how very much Jon and I would love to have a healthy, living baby. She was literally almost jumping up and down congratulating me. Then I told her that's why I can't go on that trip I won to the Mayan Riviera in January 2010 (you may remember my thread about that trip I won through work). So it all made sense to her now - why I wasn't drinking coffee anymore and why I kept telling her that I wouldn't be going on that trip (she couldn't understand how anyone could pass up a free trip!).
So anyway, she asked how far along I am, and I said 10 weeks. Her response: she stops being so excited and says "Oh. We shouldn't get too excited for you yet then!" WTH??? I was totally thrown off. Then she says "most people don't share this news until they're passed the 12 week mark." I really like her, but this was such an odd comment I thought. Yes, I know there's always that "scare" during the first trimester, but it's as if people are expecting something bad to happen to my baby again And besides, Katrina passed away at around 23 weeks. Jon and I didn't tell anyone about Katrina (other than family) until the 14 week mark and sh !t, we still lost her.
Jon's parents are the same. They said they don't want to tell anyone on their side of the family for as long as they possibly can because they don't want people getting too excited. *** does that mean?
Yes, I could be blowing this waaay out of proportion, but seriously, how am I supposed to stay positive throughout this pregnancy if other people aren't and they keep thinking something bad may happen again
Last edited by LaLaLa1; August 23rd, 2009 at 01:36 PM.
I had this EXACT same issue when I was pregnant with Erin. My MIL told me she was trying not to get too excited because she couldn't go through that again.
I finally was just brutally honest with everyone around me and told them to either be positive or shut up because I was WAY too worried to hear about theirs too. If they wanted to talk about my pregnancy they all had to say "when" instead of "if" because I was "iffing" enough myself.
That's why I LOVE my parents and sister SO much. They are helping me feel so confident about this pregnancy and even though none of us know the outcome (just praying we have our beautiful, healthy, living rainbow baby), at least I know they're helping me stay positive. That really makes a difference in how I feel and react, kwim?
Other people being negative are just going to make me stress more - as if I need that!
Exactly! Once I made it clear that I needed everyone to be positive, the ones who had been more negative were a lot better. My mother and my sisters were both really supportive and just what i needed too.
I just had a thought. You're always posting about signs and stuff, so that's why I thought this.
You saw a rainbow right after you got home, right? Take that as a sign for your Rainbow Baby.
Yea, you know when I first saw that rainbow that day we all said it was Katrina telling us she's alright and doing well. I had no idea even what a rainbow baby was at that time.
It wasn't until a few months later I was just reading stuff on stillbirths and so many people kept talking about their rainbow baby, so I looked into it and found out it's the baby you have after losing one and it made me just burst into tears. I totally thought of that as well!
I was just outright positive about this pregnancy from the beginning. Now I still have ltos of worries, but they didn't start for me until the second trimester and I don't broadcast them to everyone else. I figure if someone else is going to act cautious or iffy about it, then that is their problem. Everyone around me did a pretty good job about acting fine to my face, so if any of them were feeling scared or anything they kept it to themselves. But if people were making comments like what you've said I would be like Brittanie and tell them either be positive or don't talk to me about it. I also can't stand how everyone who hasn't had a second or third trimester loss always assumes you stop worrying after the first trimester. I mean....come on. It doesn't make sense. Obviously there are tons of people who lose babies later than 13 weeks. My fear won't go away until my baby is born alive, it doesn't matter how many weeks I've clocked.
I think people think that's what they "should" do. I like to point out to them that you can lose a baby after 12 weeks - that's what happened before - and I need support at the start, too. And I also like to say, "You never know how much time you have, and I want to enjoy and celebrate everything I can." They tend to get that.
I think that most people have that thought.
It is fear of a loss. PPL just don't like to tell others until the three month mark.
I know with malachi I told everyone right away. I just couldn't wait. I was worried about miscarriage, but didn't care.
Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
I think people think that's what they "should" do.
<<nodding>> This is exactly what I was going to say. When I was first pregnant last year (before we even knew it was going to be twins), I of course told my parents. Out of my mother's mouth came "well, don't tell anyone earlier than 12 weeks, because you just never know." Okay, cool; I'll keep it to myselt until then because after that, the miscarriage rate does drop ( how foolish, how dumb, how naive for me to think that miscarriage was my only problem, eh?).
So this pregnancy, I called said mother after my 16 week appointment to tell her what we were having and that everything, according to the perinatologist, was going very well. She TRULY said to me "well, now you're in the clear! Everything is going to be fine!"
I paused for what seemed like hours and finally said "Did you forget that we lost Noah at 32 weeks? I am NOT 'in the clear', there is no such thing." To which SHE said "oh ... well, yah, I guess."
I think that's why at this point, I didn't care that I told family at 6 weeks (and equally, those who don't really matter to me ... well, I haven't told them at all yet *shrug*).
Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggie!
I'm Barb, Mom to Angel on Earth Julia Rose (7*22*08), her twin brother Angel in Heaven Noah (7*22*08), and rainbow baby Sydney Noelle (12*4*09).
*a special 'thank you' to all the blinkie creators for their talents*