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So afraid to bond


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  #1  
February 19th, 2010, 07:58 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
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I find myself terrified to bond with this baby. I'm starting to feel kicks and movement now (just starting to feel it). I am also starting to look pregnant. But I'm still so terrified to really start chatting with baby like I have all my other kids before they were born.

I'm also so scared every time I go to the doctor. My stomach hurts and my heartrate skyrockets every time they put the dopplar on me or the u/s because I'm so afraid I won't hear anything.

Someone please tell me I'm not completely crazy.
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  #2  
February 19th, 2010, 08:07 AM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm still way early, but I am having a hard time bonding....It might change once I hear the heartbeat get an ultrasound, feel the baby etc, but as of right now I find myself holding back....I too get anxiety thinking about going into the doctors....I was laying in bed thinking about this, how I feel jipped....I don't think I can ever enjoy being pregnant because i'm too scared that something will happen, and I will go to the doctor and the baby won't have a heartbeat....I'll never feel "safe" because it can happen at anytime in the pregnancy....I can't tell you if it's normal to feel this way or not, since I'm just starting to go threw it, but I bet it is.
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  #3  
February 19th, 2010, 08:40 AM
CrystalAnne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't know if it's "normal" but I can tell you I certainly went through it with Jacob. Towards the end my B/P was so high from the anxiety and nightmares I had, they induced me the day before my due date. (They had said they would make me wait til 42 weeks for an induction).

It really helped me to lean on my DDC ladies and I even posted here once or twice about it. It was especially hard for me at 26 weeks, because that's when I lost Aidan. I got through it though, and (this still surprises me!) I have a handsome boy that I can cuddle and hold everyday!!!! I am a little neurotic about SIDS now. . .but since his birth the bonding hasn't been an issue.

You will get through it And if we're not "normal" we can be abnormal together here, lol. *hugs* You're a strong mama, keep up the good work growing that baby
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  #4  
February 19th, 2010, 10:35 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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It took me a while to bond at all with both Erin and Patrick. With Erin it didn't really happen at all until after she was born. I acted excited, to try to get myself to believe it. Everyone thought that I was doing so well. But I didn't really believe it. I had plenty of time to bond with them after they were born.


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  #5  
February 19th, 2010, 02:14 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I fell hardcore in love with Jonah after losing Marshall. This time...*sigh* I just don't know what to do ...I feel you...we can be abnormal together.
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  #6  
February 19th, 2010, 02:37 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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I bonded pretty well with my babies, and then we lost two of them, and that was hard. So I basically stopped bonding at that point, and spent all of my time obsessing over my various high risk issues. It wasn't until I first felt Grant move that I truly started to bond again. That's why I pushed DH so hard to get this baby a name, Ethan didn't have a name until he was born and I felt like when this baby had a name it would make it safer to love him.
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  #7  
February 19th, 2010, 02:44 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heathernoel View Post
I fell hardcore in love with Jonah after losing Marshall. This time...*sigh* I just don't know what to do ...I feel you...we can be abnormal together.
I don't know, it's like you're d***ed if you do and d***ed if you don't. I don't think NOT bonding will make it hurt any less, and then you'll feel guilty because you didn't bond with them. But allowing yourself to....it's just so scary. So very hard either way.
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  #8  
February 19th, 2010, 07:12 PM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
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You're not completely crazy. You're not even a little bit crazy. While pregnant with Sydney, I vowed to not bond at all with her. Then we found out the sex of the baby at 16 weeks. It was all over for me then. I told Nate "I'm in love. This is it, this did it. I love her."

Then the panic and worry about losing her to a stillbirth set in until she was delivered kicking and screaming.
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  #9  
February 20th, 2010, 06:40 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah. We aren't finding out the sex, and I am doing that MOSTLY because I want that surprise. But also because I'm terrified this is another boy and I just can't seem to believe that we'll have a healthy boy. I think that might be part of my issue. This baby won't have a "real" name until we know what it is at birth, so it helps me not to bond too.
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