An update and some pictures... (x-posted)

~Laurie~ · #1 May 31st, 2011, 07:29 PM

I haven't been around that much in a couple of weeks, but I thought I should give a quick update. I am off work now, and have been for a little more than a week. I honestly think that it is a very good thing that I am off, as the stress and work load were beyond my ability to cope right now. It was a bit of a sticky thing, my leaving early, because they weren't yet prepared for me to go.
I have also been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which was a bit of a surprise to me. I knew that I was having a rough time with this pregnancy, but given my history I thought I was doing OK. Not great, but within the expected emotional range. I don't think there is a plan to do anything treatment-wise, but this is the medical reason that I am off work at the moment. As I approach the points at which I loss my son and daughter, I am having increased anxiety etc. The nightmares are terrible and the emotions linger for a long time, so I have decided to keep a dream journal. I am hoping that by writing them down I can empty them from my brain, if that makes sense.
As for baby, everything seems to be OK so far. Most of the time baby helps my sanity by being fairly active. I wish I didn't have an anterior placenta so I could feel even more. At my u/s at 19 weeks, the gender guess was girl, but they weren't 100% on that. They tried again at my 21 week u/s, but baby was still being shy. I have another u/s this Friday, so hopefully we will see more then. I've attached some pictures from my 19 weeks u/s (they didn't give me any at the 21 week u/s) and a bump shot from today, just one day shy of 23 weeks. Sorry for the novel!

liz bevan · #2 June 3rd, 2011, 12:26 PM

congrats

I am so happy for you.
I didn't realize you were expecting.
When are you due?
I hope all goes well for the remainder of the pregnancy
I can only image what it would be like to be pregnant again and know that I would be freaking out.

~Laurie~ · #3 June 3rd, 2011, 06:37 PM

Thanks, Liz!

I am 23 weeks and 2 days and due September 28th, although I found out today that (if everything goes well) my c-section will be September 22nd. Now I just need to make it that far. Having a date is nice because it is a concrete goal, but it also freaks me out a bit.

MeganMomof5 · #4 June 3rd, 2011, 09:51 PM

i'm so happy for you Laurie!!!

helen123 · #5 June 6th, 2011, 10:53 AM

I am so happy for you! Congrats!

liz bevan · #6 June 7th, 2011, 02:10 PM

September is a great month

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers until then

Elsa · #7 June 11th, 2011, 08:26 PM

Wow Laurie, I didn't know you were expecting! I am so happy for you. I cried when you lost your last little one. I hope the dream journal helps. I can only imagine where your emotions are right now after all that you've been through. I hope the remainder of the pregnancy is smooth sailing. Did you get a better peek at the gender on Friday?

claire1979 · #8 June 13th, 2011, 10:32 AM

thats great news hun, i knew you were expecting but wow i dint realise you were 23 weeks. im so happy everythings going so well. x

#9 June 13th, 2011, 11:05 AM

Thanks for the update Laurie. I think keeping a dream journal is a great idea. Glad to hear that everything is going well with baby. Coming up on the loss dates of your other kiddos is I'm sure very difficult. I hope you are doing ok. KUP when you can.

~Laurie~ · #10 June 14th, 2011, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elsa

Wow Laurie, I didn't know you were expecting! I am so happy for you. I cried when you lost your last little one. I hope the dream journal helps. I can only imagine where your emotions are right now after all that you've been through. I hope the remainder of the pregnancy is smooth sailing. Did you get a better peek at the gender on Friday?

Thank you, Elsa. That means a lot to me! The baby is still being fairly shy, but the u/s tech said that she is fairly certain it is a girl simply by what they are absolutely not seeing. She said if it is a boy, he is hiding it very, very well. She said that I "should be very safe buying pink things". I have another u/s this Friday, so I will still get them to check again.

I am doing better since I've been off work. I've been giving some thought as to why that is having such a big impact, and I think it is because I feel as though I am focused on the baby and therefore have more control. I can stop regularly throughout the day and wait for a kick or use my doppler, so I feel as though I am very tuned in to what the baby is doing. I'm not perfect, but better, and I will take that. I am right between Eva and Declan's loss points, so I am hoping as I (hopefully) get farther from these points, that my mental and emotional state continues to improve. I've made myself a goal in that I will begin to prepare for the birth of this child no later than 30 weeks. I may not be completely prepared, but I will address the necessary details (bassinet, car seat, diapers...) rather than live in fear of them. Now we will have to see if I can stick to it. I haven't even unpacked my maternity clothes! They are still in Rubbermaid tubs in the closet. Thanks again for all your support! I know that you all understand the emotional pitfalls and challenges associated with pregnancy after stillbirth.