Not a mom, not pregnant - but kind of a mom

TeenFoster · #1 November 12th, 2011, 08:36 PM

Hi ladies and gents.

I am a 35 year old stay at home 'mom' to teenage foster kids, I do not have any kids of my own, not entirely sure I can - too scared to get checked out, not enough savings and a bunch of other exuses/reasons for not being a mom myself yet. Not really sure I am ready to get into that much more than what I said already.

But I desire nothing more in my life than a family, and so I foster. We have anywhere from 1 to 5 teenage boys aged 14-21, usually in the 16+ age range. 'My' kids are all boys, and at the moment we have 3, a usual number for me is 4. I prefer not to have 5 as it is a lot of work, as they all have issues and need a lot of time individually, but I get suckered in when I hear of a teenager in a shelter - that's no place for a kid when I have an empty bed.

All of the foster boys are one step out of detention or one step towards going in. They have had huge successes and others have had huge set backs, in the three years and 20+ kids so far, all of them have a criminal past (or current) of some sort. Almost all of them have already been in detention (kiddie jail) and are on probation.

I am on a new venture though - my husbands cousin, who is very close to us, got a call from Children and Youth Services in a different state a little while ago. He had taken a lady home from a bar, had a night with her, exchanged numbers and never heard from her since. Over 2 years later he got a phone call saying he might be a dad, and the child had been put in foster care as mom is in drug rehab. He had a DNA test, and is the dad to a little boy who turns two in April. He petitioned for custody for a child he has never met and was awarded it, but he works full time - so I am going to have the little one while 'my' kids are in school. The little one should arrive in about a week - (insert excited scream here from me).

So I have everything to learn about little ones, and no time to do that. I hope to learn a lot from you as parents and I can help with advise for those troublesome teen years in return.

pepper73 · #2 November 13th, 2011, 04:28 AM

Hi there and welcome to JM!! I am not a mom yet (although I'm trying) so I can't offer any good advice in terms of raising teenagers. But, I wanted to tell you that you are definitely a mom...not just kind of. Being a foster parent is HUGE and I commend you for opening your home and heart to children who need stability and love.

If you do decide to try for a biological child of your own, I am extending an invitation to come join us at the TTC Older Members board. It's a great bunch of women over 30 who are TTC. We would welcome you with open arms and offer support and advice. In fact, this whole site is full of amazing women.

Enjoy preparing for your newest addition. I'm sure he will add a ton of spunk to your family!

Jaci_Lopez · #3 November 13th, 2011, 12:02 PM

Hi there! Welcome! 2 is such an amazing age! Especially when they are learning to play pretend and talking more!! I have an 8 year old, a 1 year old and one on the way. If you have any questions about the little one, just PM me.

I admire you for taking in foster kids! My son's father was in the foster system for a little bit and there was one family he always talked about because of the love and kindness they gave him. He even went up to Oregon to visit them where they moved.

Spyctre · #4 November 13th, 2011, 12:14 PM

Sounds to me like you're already a mom, too. =) 2 yr olds are pretty easy. (Contrary to the "terrible 2's" you hear about, most kids start that closer to 3 in my experience. lol) I used to work in a preschool, and I taught computer skills for 2-5 yr olds. Sometimes I'd be in the other classrooms. A good thing to make would be a schedule for the little one. Something similar to:

08:30 - potty, breakfast
Playtime, reading to them, coloring...
11:30 - potty, lunch
12:00 - 2:00 - nap
2:00 - potty then snack
2:30 - more playtime, maybe outside
4:30 - more potty, another small snack, a good video like Sesame Street if they seem a little tired

It's a lot easier if they get into a routine. They are a lot calmer. They often do a lot better with that second snack. A lot of them like to help so you can give them the job of helping to pull clothes out of the dryer or putting their plate on the table. As long as you can clean up accidents and don't mind wiping paint off things, it's pretty easy-going. You'll learn the little boy's personality soon, and it's even easier after you do that.

Feel free to note me any questions. I've worked with all types of kids, ages 0-14. You might also join one of the "Playrooms" here. If he was born Nov 09 etc, you can go to the matching playroom, and talk to moms that have kids that were born days or weeks around him. They should be at the same level about.

Have fun!

missy123 · #5 November 13th, 2011, 01:33 PM

Hi and welcome to JM! I find your story very fascinating as my husband and I have been talking about fostering for a few years. At one point we were told we would not have any children of our own because of my age but even now that we are about to have our daughter we feel we want to either adopt an older child or foster.

There are a lot of places here on JM that you fit into, feel free to join right in.

Augie · #6 November 13th, 2011, 02:04 PM

Welcome! Glad you joined. I'm Augie (duh) from car-seat.org. It's great to see you here. My offer still stands, if you need any help, just let me know.

TeenFoster · #7 November 13th, 2011, 02:29 PM

Thanks for the invite over here Augie, and the warm welcomes from everyone else.

Missy, I'd be happy to help you with your foster/adopt journey. If you have any questions just let me know. I'm in SE PA, so the laws that would apply to you would be the ones I am familiar with.