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Juli (((hugs))) I am glad I didn't offend you. I know it is becoming more and more a reality that we may have to go this route. For now I am blessed at working in a health food store and have found out great natural herbs that could help my hubby. We shall try these for a time and in the meantime save up for ART for next year. I believe a part of me is scared to part with so much money to do IVF and to not have a baby at the end of it. I already know of a couple of online friends who have done IVF more than 2x and have failed 
I hope and pray you are blessed soon![/b]
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Vanessa - you didn't offend me at all!!
to you too. Believe me, it took me awhile to come to grips with ART. I prayed many a night for God to help me understand why we had to go down this path of medical intervention if we were meant to have children. I still haven't gotten my answer, but I know there is some higher purpose and one day it will make sense. We are actually going to have to go the most extreme route ever to get pregnant - the doctors have to do what is called a testicular biopsy and go directly INTO DH's testes to find sperm (called TESE). The whole process admittedly strikes me as very unnatural - shoving a needle into DH's testes, extracting sperm, and force fertilizing it with an egg that's been produced through medical hyperstimulation. But it is what it is, and if this is how God wants us to create children, that's what we'll do. I figured that if God didn't want us to do all of this, he would have never allowed the IVF/ICSI/TESE technology to be created in the first place.
I know how it feels to dread the BFN after all that money has been spent, too. But we just need to take it one day at a time. One of the biggest lessons I've learned in this TTC journey is that I just have to let some things go - I can't control everything. My whole life has been planned and scheduled. From college, to my career, to my marriage, everything has happened like clockwork. And I'm learning now that I can't expect life to always work out that way. Maybe that's what God's trying to help me see. I've stopped planning my life years in advance and now I'm just trying to take it day by day. In fact, I threw out the "calendar" we had put together for our Feb IVF, because we won't even know if we can do it until we get back the results from DH's biopsy (scheduled for 1/30/09) - so why stress about it? When I was planning our Feb cycle, my emotions were so out of whack - I went back and forth wondering "what if DH's biospy gives us ZERO sperm?" and "What if we find sperm but the IVF still doesn't work?" Then I realized that nothing I do or worry about now can change the future or what God has in store for us. So I've stopped worrying, and I'm trying to make the best decisions I can with the information/resources I have, and deal with every new challenge as it arises.
This is by far the most physically, emotionally, financially draining experience DH and I have ever been through. We've had to do a lot of soul-searching along the way, and I know that the road ahead will still challenge us in ways we never imagined. I feel for every woman on this board who is struggling with the same questions, the same emotions, the same fear and anger and resentment and denial and disappointment that comes with the territory of doing ART. Feel free to PM me any time you want to talk. I know it's incredibly hard for our IRL friends and family to understand what we are going through.
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How long will you try?
working on my 3rd, for sure by 11/15/11 
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