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Forum: TTC with Male Infertility

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  #1  
October 11th, 2010, 08:11 AM
sarha81's Avatar First-time Mommy to Jake
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 1,295
If it were up to me, we'd have a doc appt this week and we'd start doing our first IUI cycle.

Our past 12 months of fertility issues and September m/c has completely changed me. I do not have the strength to go through another year of ttc, getting AF, crying, ttc again, and repeat. I can't handle it and I admit that. I feel totally worn out and depressed about ttc again. I want to do IUI to increase our chances of a BFP and end the suffering.

DH understands none of this. He is against IUI. He thinks I cried this AF because I thought we'd get pregnant. He has no clue that AF brings back all the painful memories of the m/c we had in addition to not getting pregnant for yet another cycle. For him, we started over at cycle 1. For me, we are now on cycle 14. There was no starting over for me. It's just been one horrible, depressing, sad journey.

It's hard to say it, but I think we are headed to therapy, and we haven't even had our 2 yr anniversary. Sigh.
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  #2  
October 11th, 2010, 08:36 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,699
I am so sorry that any of us have to go through this. We are dealing with secondary infertility, so I know it probably seems like I should just be happy that I have a child (and believe me, I am), but this has been the most painful experience of my life. Like you, sometimes I truly don't feel like I can take anymore of this. IUI really isn't even an option for us right now. I haven't even talked to a fertility specialist since we got DH's results (just DH's urologist) and I don't really want to b/c I don't want to hear that IVF is our only option (b/c it really is not an option for us).

I'm so sorry that your DH will not agree to do IUI. We are Christians but if there was even a reasonable chance that IUI would work for us, DH would agree to it, but everyone has different beliefs about medical assistance. For instance there is NO way DH would ever consider using donor sperm. Sometimes I resent that b/c it would probably be the easiest, cheapest way to get me pregnant, but he is totally against it and I know it's not fair to try to change his mind. Infertility is just a horrible thing and it can really be hard on a marriage. It really is so unfair, it shouldn't be too much to ask to have a baby like almost everybody else in the world. I hope things get better for you and DH soon, and that you are blessed with a healthy pregnancy again very soon.
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  #3  
October 11th, 2010, 08:50 AM
sarha81's Avatar First-time Mommy to Jake
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 1,295
How did you handle the talks about using a donor? I approached the IUI talk and my DH exploded with anger. I'm just so emotionally battered. Thanks for the hugs — they are needed. I think how I'd do the IUI for him. I'd do a lot of things for him. I'm sure you think the same things about using a donor (I'm sorry your DH is against any option that will lead to a BFP). This is not like asking for a new car, or to move to a new state. The end result is a baby which we both want so badly.
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  #4  
October 11th, 2010, 10:27 AM
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,464
I just wanted to say Im sorry you are going thru all of this right now It really stinks! We've been TTC for 2 1/2yrs and my DH was also adamant about NOT getting any help at all. It was a struggle just for me to get to an RE with his agreement on that. Now after trying 6 rounds of Clomid & 6 rounds of Femara, we finally are doing our 1st IUI. I was absolutely SHOCKED that he agreed to even give that a try, its been several conversations and lots of tears but we have set our limit to 2 IUI's and then be done. He is 110% against IVF & I honestly dont think that I could talk him into that. For him its more of an ethical than a financial thing b/c I'd just at the bit right now, skip IUI and go to IVF if things were up to me. Its very, very stressful as a married couple. I look back & realize that things were crappy at times between us, but I'm glad we overcame those hurdles, infertility is emotionally & physically very draining....you arent alone !! HUGS!
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  #5  
October 11th, 2010, 01:33 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,699
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarha81 View Post
How did you handle the talks about using a donor? I approached the IUI talk and my DH exploded with anger. I'm just so emotionally battered. Thanks for the hugs — they are needed. I think how I'd do the IUI for him. I'd do a lot of things for him. I'm sure you think the same things about using a donor (I'm sorry your DH is against any option that will lead to a BFP). This is not like asking for a new car, or to move to a new state. The end result is a baby which we both want so badly.

Yeah, DH is very against using a donor and has gotten very angry about the idea of it every time we've discussed it. I think he would feel differently if we didn't have our son, but he did get me pregnant once and he says that he doesn't want another man's sperm getting me pregnant...which I can understand, I guess. I just wish he would be more open to trying it eventually if I'm still not pregnant in like 5 years or something. He did go through varicocele surgery, so he's been through alot in this process already. If his count improves enough for IUI, we've agreed to do 1 or 2 tries. As it is now, his counts are too low to do IUI though. Do you have a pastor or anyone you 2 could talk with together? We've thought about sitting down with our minister and explaining our situation and just asking for advice and guidance, but we haven't done that yet.
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  #6  
October 12th, 2010, 04:05 AM
sarha81's Avatar First-time Mommy to Jake
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 1,295
I think like you do —*let's not rule any option out — donor, adoption, IUI/IVF. They are all on my table. But my DH is against each one. I hope your count goes up and you can try the IUI!! At least your DH had the vari repair surgery. Mine needs it and is still deciding, a year later. sigh.
We have a great priest, but I feel like it's two against one when we talk to him. and it's weird for me to have our priest know all our issues. I know that sounds odd.
I am going to look into counselors with experience in infertility. We really need help coping with what we've been thru.
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  #7  
October 24th, 2010, 05:32 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2
I just wanted to say that when we first found out that we can't conceive naturally my husband refused to even discuss ds. He's fine with iui (which is not an option for us), and fine with ivf (which we can't afford).

I felt like our only opportunity might be ds and he said no without even giving it any thought. I broke into tears and told him that if he took away my chance to be a mother because of his selfishness that it would be unforgiveable in my eyes. I wasn't trying to pressure him, but I just couldn't understand how he could rule it out without any thought. I explained that I would be willing if the roles were reversed because I wouldnt want to stop him from being a father.

This whole situation can be so incredibly stressful on a marriage and I didn't want it to ruin us. We had to sit down an have an honest and open conversation. He has now agreed to using whatever measures possible. We are still looking at our options and have a meeting with our RE. I would prefer not to use ds but may not have a choice.

Wishing you all the best
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