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Very hard to handle :(


Forum: TTC with Male Infertility

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  #1  
October 16th, 2010, 09:53 AM
Joliving4Jesus's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well, as most of you know, I struggled for over 2 years to conceive my son, by the grace of God we finally did conceive him naturally...we have now been trying for # 2 for almost a year...been taking a toll on my marriage and causing a lot of arguements, now I just got the news that my sister in law may be pregnant again. She has been pregnant 3 times, only one baby, she has had two miscarriages and has been trying ever since her last miscarriage in Feb 2010...My brother and sis in law don't need another child right now, for too many reasons I can name, but to sum it up, my sis in law is mentally ill, she hasn't been diagnosed with it but we are certain she is, she won't seek help for it since she knows she probably has something, she is just crazy. I tried not to let it affect me because I knew she was trying again while I'm trying again...though I tried to set myself up for this since I knew it would probably happen again for her before it would me. She got a very faint positive today at 9 DPO...so I am sure she is pregnant. When I got off the phone with my mom I just started crying, called dh and he tried to assure me that our time is coming soon...its just hard to believe....I want to be happy for her but I fear for the baby...and don't think its fair...how do you handle things like this? Its just killing me inside...I don't want to be selfish.
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  #2  
October 16th, 2010, 11:08 AM
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Im so sorry hun! Its SO hard to deal with family members getting preg ESPECIALLY when they dont need it! My sister is a pain pill junkie and yet has managed to have 5 babies by the age of 27. Im glad she gave me all my nieces and nephews but its so very not fair that she gets to have what she has.
Not to mention she lost custody of ALL of them.

I hope it all works out for your family and I definitely hope youre time is coming SUPER soon!
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  #3  
October 16th, 2010, 03:08 PM
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I'm so sorry, Jo . I know exactly how you feel....it really just isn't fair. My SIL and BIL are expecting are expecting their first child in November. They are both what you would call mentally "slow", to the point that people have asked me if they should be living in a home for the handicapped. They are both extremely immature and BIL has been out of a job for almost 2 years..he milked the unemployment system for as long as he could and never looked for a job and now can't figure out why nobody wants to hire him!?! Like you, I seriously question if this couple is going to be able to take care of this baby. BIL is going to be a stay-at-home-dad and I seriously do not know if he is going to know what to do if the baby gets sick, how to care for it, etc. Oh, and she didn't even go to the doctor until she was 5 months pregnant! Take care of yourself if you're going to try to get pregnant, for goodness sakes! They got pregnant the first month they tried! It was very hard for me to take as I knew at the same time we had been trying and praying for a baby for months already, SIL got pregnant without hardly trying. To make matters worse, a few day after they told us they were expecting, we got DH's terrible SA back.
Sorry to hijack your post, but yeah, I totally understand. Also about the taking a toll on your marriage. Sometimes I feel like infertility is making us stronger, and other times I feel like it is tearing us apart. I just wish we could be normal and get pregnant like everybody else. My cousin just had a baby and I went to see her in the hospital and I couldn't help but feel like I should be there giving birth by now, and making my son a big brother (and he would be such a good one ), but I'm just trying to accept things as hard as it is. I have 4 more friends due soon so I just have to get over the fact that things haven't worked out for us yet. I do think God has a plan, but at the same time I just don't believe He is up in heaven looking down and saying, "I'll give a baby to these screwed up people, but not to these people over here who love me and would be (or already are) great parents." I think he created the process by which you get pregnant, and people can do with it what they will. And sometimes, just like cancer or diabetes, there are problems with the process, and hopefully he can help us all overcome those issues. But I try not to take it personally that God has given babies to tons of undeserving people or women who get abortions in the time that we've been trying. I don't understand it, but my relationship with God would really suffer if I looked at it that way.
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  #4  
October 16th, 2010, 03:55 PM
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Thats a really good way to look at it hun. I hope he does help us all overcome it!
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  #5  
October 16th, 2010, 05:07 PM
Joliving4Jesus's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I totally understand what you mean. My brother is a great person though, they both have good jobs and I always said the person my brother married would be one lucky person but he chose a disaster...she is controlling, abusive physically and mentally, and just down right crazy...from what I seen...she has been ok as a mother but to adults, there is just no words and wait until their son gives her a hard time when he gets older, then it will be all down hill, right now he is only 1 1/2 years old and loves mommy and wants her over everyone else so she loves that, but as soon as he disobey's as he gets older, I am scared she will be abusive. More then anything, their marriage is a disaster, she has thrown him out of the house and locked him out for hours, he had to break a window to get back in, she's thrown a $700 flat screen tv to the floor and crashed it to pieces in anger...and the list goes on. To top it all off my brother is a youth minster and used to be on fire for Christ...he has since lost so much of his faith and fire since marrying her, its so sad

I completely agree that God doesn't control allowing some to get pregnant and not...we have free will...I do believe he can intervene and give someone a miracle like he did with my son though...which I am hoping he'll have in store for all of us very soon.
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Last edited by Joliving4Jesus; October 17th, 2010 at 02:10 PM.
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