Newish user introduction

neji · #1 August 12th, 2011, 10:28 PM

Hello,
I have been a member since 2008, (under the screen name jelandusn), but for some reason I can't log in using that name, so I've created a new account. I hope that's not against any rules... Here's a little bit about my journey.
I started off in the TTC section. We tried for 7 months and then got devastating news. Due to a tumor on my husband's pituitary gland, he has a sperm count of zero. I never felt anything either way about that number, but now it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. When I heard this news, this was pretty much me

... The tumor was removed, but it left him with a hormone imbalance that makes it so that his body can not produce sperm. We both were so saddened by this news so we just focused on ourselves and gave up on the baby thing for a couple of years. We tried to convince ourselves that we would be fine without children, but... It seems we both can't give up on this dream.
So, here we are today. We have a plan!!! My husband is going to go see a new endocrinologist, and a urologist with the hopes of doing this to produce sperm instead of just managing his condition. We're hoping that if we go to the doctor and tell him that we'd like to do things a little more aggressively to treat his infertility, they may suggest other options. Hopefully, between the two, they may be able to get his system back in working order!! Or at least in enough order to conceive with the help of the doctor. Honestly, though I am not very optimistic. This is our last ditch effort to see if we can have children. I don't know which is worst, knowing for sure that there is no chance, or having a slim, almost non existent, chance that we could possibly, maybe, if the stars line up, and the earth shifts 1/4 degree, and a bird lands on the right branch in the right tree, all one the first day of the fifth month,at a time to be announce, have a biological child. I think this slight chance is what is making it hard for my husband to agree to use donor sperm and what is holding me back from actually doing more than just asking in passing. I want a child by my husband so bad! I don't want another man's child! My husband is the best man in the world! He deserves the chance to be the best father in the world...
Well, this intro turned more into a rant. I guess since our journey is starting again, I need a little bit of support.

Lisap2008 · #2 August 13th, 2011, 08:27 AM

If its a hormone imbalance keeping him from producing sperm they can try tamoxifen and HCG injections this raises testosterone which stimulates sperm production. it can take up to 4-6 months to see results though. good luck.

neji · #3 August 14th, 2011, 07:19 AM

Thanks for the tip. I'll mention them to the doctor and see what he says.

BeckyM · #4 August 26th, 2011, 08:18 AM

((((Hugs)))) It is devastating, and I'm glad (when I read stories) like yours that we had no option, there wasn't a slim sliver of hope as I'm sure we would have struggled with those same thoughts. It was hard enough as it was, but we we were able to find our peace with it quicker and make our decisions based on that.

I will say though, just to give you some hope, if you do have to go the route of donor sperm (as one who ended up using it), that it's definitely not the sperm that makes your DH the father. It's your DH and the bond he will have with your future child. My DH is absolutely crazy over our son, and our son with him.

Good luck & keep us posted on what the doctors say.

neji · #5 November 8th, 2011, 04:48 AM

Not much of an update, but I thought I'd let everyone know that we are going to get a referral from hubby's endocrinologist this january. We are going a little slower than I'd like but we have to either sell our house, (we've moved to another state), or rent it out. Right now, things are a little tight since we are paying the mortgage and rent at the same time.

I have been doing a little research it it appears that there will be no chance for hubby to have children. I think the reason he can't produce sperm is because his body can't produce enough testosterone. I thought that if he was on a testosterone regimen, he would start making it again. It turns out, one of the side effects of artificial testosterone is decreased sperm. It's not unusual for there to be no sperm. In fact, they say to bank your sperm before starting any treatment because it may be permanent.
My hubby is a sweetie but he never questions doctors. He just says ok, ok, ok and takes whatever medicine they give him. He doesn't ask about side effects or if there are any different, less evasive treatments or anything. If he does have side effects, he just suffers in silence. I've started going to all of his appointments also and have become his voice. I fear that it is too late, but he has agreed that if we aren't able to fix his problem that we can use donor sperm!!! I think the straw that broke the camel's back was when my friend, who said she never wants children and doesn't even want a dog because they are too much work, announced that she is pregnant. I'm happy for her, but it hurts. I think it hurt him, too. He finally realized that we aren't getting any younger and that if he farts around too much longer we won't have any options. He really wants to be a dad and I know, if he is even just half the dad that he is a husband, he will make a great one!

Scottiegrl · #6 November 8th, 2011, 10:58 AM

Hi Neji:
Oh I totally feel what you are going through and I send you BIG hugs -

, I believe my situation is close to yours- we realized something wasn't right and started working with the reproductive clinic in August 2010- it soon became clear the issue lay w/ my DH - while he didn't have an obstruction on his pituitary gland, his body for some reason too didn't make enough testosterone to produce semen- we were pretty upset to learn this , the doc did suggest my DH go on hormone replacement therapy which we did do- while the outcome we hoped for never did occur there were a lot of other positive changes- my hubby lost weight, his voice became a LOT deeper , he was growing chest hair ( and back hair, and leg hair- you get the picture ) and we had this time to discuss our other options- basically using donor sperm or adoption. It's a hard choice to face and when the reality becomes more clear that the man you love and cherish might not be able to father his own children , it's devastating. I believe in time and a open positive relationship helps aid this devastation and allows one to become more open minded to the options there are out there to help us have the families we all deserve. I sincerely hope you and your DH find your path to parenthood one way or another. Please keep us posted on your journey.
P.S. my DH and I are going to be trying our first round of IUI using donor sperm in Dec or January.

kayakr · #7 November 8th, 2011, 12:42 PM

Good Luck to you. I don't have experience in this situation, but I wanted to tell you Good luck. Mine DH suffers from abnormal morphology which is a different issue.

We all feel your pain though and hope the best for you and DH. I love hearing how awesome you talk about him. That is what love is about and that is what will make you both great parents when you get your baby. I don't know when that will be or how, but it will be.

Good luck and super big hugs to you both.

neji · #8 January 12th, 2012, 08:40 AM

Thank you everyone for the encouragement!!
Scottiegirl, good luck with your IUI!! I hope that it is a short journey for you.
As for us, my husband has finally started to open up a out all of this. I have been trying to talk to him about our options and he just gets mad. I finally broke down in tears and told him that I just need someone to talk to. No one else know what it feels like or what we are going through and I need to talk! He calmed down after a little while and told me something that just broke my heart. He said that he that because of his problem he can't give me a child and he feels horrible. I knew he was feeling bad but I didn't think he felt he had to shoulder all of the blame. I told him that it is our problem! I will never blame him even if we never have children.
We are looking into adoption and using donor sperm. We also just saw his urologist and he's going to start hcg injections three times a week. Thats kind of good news because the doctor feels there is still a possibility but iit means I have to sit around for another three months waiting. I'm not getting any younger...
Sorry so long.