Stillbirth/loss of a child

Admin-pattyandthemoos · #1 January 7th, 2006, 11:09 AM

We have had this suggestion on the feedback board before but I think we may have enough members to support this now. Right now we have a forum for Pregnancy Loss but not a forum specifically for losing a baby or child. Is there anyone that would like to have this added to JM?

Astrid · #2 January 7th, 2006, 11:16 AM

I know that having a stillbirth is extremely difficult and very traumatizing and that sometimes it is difficult to understand what one goes through. I don't know if there are enough members to support both a m/c forum and a stillbirth forum though and may cause for a slow board. Could there maybe be a subforum for stillbirth????

#3 January 7th, 2006, 11:48 AM

while finding women who are about as far along as you when you lost your baby (or the babies age if you have an infant death) is the most comforting - I don't know why but it is - the further along you are the harder it is to find people because well, there just aren't as many.

I'd be concerned that there wouldn't be enough people visitng a stillbirth/infant loss board to help the few people who have had the misfortune to go through it.

I personally think one pregnancy loss/infant loss board is fine, however as with every forum at JM I think all members need to be respectful of others situations. An early m/c and a late loss are not the same thing, but many of the feelings are the same. I think one board is fine if everyone can support eachother and just try to be careful of how others might take a post.

I don't believe there is anywhere, except with your own personal therapist, where you can completely say what is on your mind. We all need to be sensitive that 100s of people, maybe 1000s are reading our posts and we can't just let everything out. know what I mean? That is what a therapist is for if you turely want a non judgemental audience.

I think the problem that arose was that there was a lot of TTC talk on the Loss board. I think that the TTC talk belongs in the TTC forum and others need to be sensitive to the fact that not everyone in the loss forum is TTC for whatever reason. I wouldn't dare talk about my pregnancy on the TTC board because it would be hurtful for those still trying just as talking about TTC on the Loss board is hurtful to those in grief. I think it is a staying on topic issue more than a need for more boards.

Phew - guess I had an opinion

~Cupcake~ · #4 January 7th, 2006, 12:31 PM

I think it is a good idea.

Quote:

I think one board is fine if everyone can support eachother and just try to be careful of how others might take a post.[/b]

The only problem I forsee with that is people will feel they cannot express themselves freely.

Admin-pattyandthemoos · #5 January 7th, 2006, 12:58 PM

I would really like to hear some feedback from moms who have lost a child or had a stillbirth. I think we have a few moms here that have dealt with this. I do not think we have to have a lot of members for this forum if there is an interest.

dkmommy · #6 January 7th, 2006, 02:59 PM

Quote:

I do not think we have to have a lot of members for this forum if there is an interest.[/b]

ITA -
it may be a slow board - but it will be very helpful to the ladies that need it.
just my 2 cents

TeresaSuperMama · #7 January 7th, 2006, 03:48 PM

Quote:

I would really like to hear some feedback from moms who have lost a child or had a stillbirth. I think we have a few moms here that have dealt with this. I do not think we have to have a lot of members for this forum if there is an interest.[/b]

I agree! I visit the juvenile diabetes board frequently. It is a very slow board and honestly hopefully always will be. It is very helpful and supportive to me. I think this is a good idea even if there are only a handful of moms active there. I have had a m/c and I have also watched a couple friends lose a child through stillbirth and one to disease. Very different emotions involved, both grieving, but different. The same as you can't compare losing a mother or father to losing a child. It is both grieving and difficult, but not the same. I personally would like to add this board.

Teresa

Admin-Rachel · #8 January 8th, 2006, 10:02 AM

I think it's a great idea, too!

Astrid · #9 January 8th, 2006, 01:23 PM

I hope Norina doesn't mind that I copy/pasted her response in the PL forum and put it in here. She put what I was trying to say quite well.

"I agree with Astrid as well...I have noticed that many times boards can be slow on here so people retreat or post off topic in some places because they are so in need of support...i think that if I had had a still birth or infant loss I would want a place where I can relate to women who have had a similar experience...though the grief process may be the same it seems to me that there are some big significant differences between the two experiences. However, should a sub topic forum such as that get slow,women who need immediate responses can always continue to gain some support from us here on the pg loss board."

I really do think that having possibly 2 subforums, one for stillbirths and the other for neonatal losses, could very well solve this. Could this be a possibility?

~Trina~ · #10 January 9th, 2006, 12:40 AM

I, personally, think it is a wonderful idea

tonyarn · #11 January 9th, 2006, 06:07 AM

I have no idea what the situation is that brought about this post, but I will give you my opinion as a woman who has had a stillbirth. I think the board would be a great idea because, although there aren't many women here right now who have suffered a stillbirth, there are probably women out there looking for a place to go, someone to talk to who understands.

tonyarn · #12 January 9th, 2006, 10:52 AM

I finally went over to the loss board and was poking around a bit. I guess what I think is that the issue really has nothing to do with early or late loss, but more with staying on topic and being sensitive. Anyway, I still think a stillbirth and infant loss board would be a great idea.

ImJustMe · #13 January 9th, 2006, 11:08 AM

Hello, I know I am new here But I would love to see a Stillbirth fourm! I gave birth to a FULL TERM STILLBORN baby boy in April of 2003 and I am ALWAYS looking for other Mommies to chat with who have gone thru the tragedy of a stillborn baby!

#14 January 9th, 2006, 02:46 PM

Quote:

I would really like to hear some feedback from moms who have lost a child or had a stillbirth. I think we have a few moms here that have dealt with this. I do not think we have to have a lot of members for this forum if there is an interest.[/b]

I did have a stillbirth and I agree that the problem was staying on topic and sensitivity. But I think I have given up on that forum for now so my opinion doesn't mean much

Mod-Karen · #15 January 9th, 2006, 04:16 PM

Ive never lost a child but I think a forum for stillbirth/infant loss is a very good idea. I think a miscarriage and a stillbirth/infant loss are two very different things though Im sure they are just as painful. Just my two pennies worth

Banned-alieygater · #16 January 10th, 2006, 02:19 PM

I think that it would be a great forum to add on to JM... There are TTC boards with various timelines, after mc. or with med assist, so I think having seperate loss forums might be a good thing...IMO it cant hurt to try it out...If no one ever posts on there or shows an interest then it can always be closed down, but i think it should be there just incase someone wants to post, and as always the preg loss forum would be open to all, and the women there are wonderful...So my opinion is yes it should be there, as another option for women to go to and talk, share, or whatever they need to do on that given day.....ok there are my pennies...

hbhge99 · #17 January 10th, 2006, 03:01 PM

I am very new here, but in '02 I lost our daughter to a full term stillbirth. The reason for my seeking out a new forum was to support mommies who had losses, and to be supported as well. It is especially helpful to connect with those who've had a similar loss.

My only concern (a minute one maybe) would be that I wonder if being heaped into a group with stillbirth stories would be upsetting for mommies who lost babies who were living. KWIM? I don't know. I guess it depends on the need, and the amount of those kinds of losses.

But I most certainly would be willing to help contribute to a stillbirth forum.

Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy · #18 January 11th, 2006, 02:26 AM

I would like to see a stillbirth forum to discuss what I am going through with other mommies - I lost my precious daughter whom was stillborn on October 30th 2003 at 27 weeks and 1 day gestation for NO REASON!

Sugar+Spicex3 · #19 January 11th, 2006, 03:31 AM

I too would like to see a stillbirth/infant loss forum. Only other women who have gone through that can understand the pain. My first precious baby was born asleep at 29wks due to cord prolapse after premature rupture of membranes in August 1996.