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  #1  
February 12th, 2007, 09:43 PM
Acadia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,377
I really think we have to discuss this, and since we don't have a chat, the only way I can do it is just by posting.

I would like to hear input from everyone but I am also afraid this will degenerate into a nasty debate ... so please don't make those fears a reality.

All of you have very special likes and dislikes, and I value all of them as I hope everyone values mine, but apparently we need to fine-tune things.

Here are my thoughts:

Obviously, if someone comes here and posts a "WDYT?" thread about a name they are considering we should all be free to express our opinions. That's kind of the point behind asking what we think. But as the Etiquette sticky says - I think this is very true - there is a proper way of expressing dislike. Personally, I don't take offense when someone says "I dislike" about a name I love ... after all, I asked for opinions. But some people do. My preference would be that if someone is new or you have any doubts about whether they have an emotional stake in this name, we err on the side of caution and word it more gently. I know "I dislike" is a lot gentler than other things we can say but feelings are feelings. Saying "it's not my style" is definitely an option (and one I use a lot) but if you feel the need to say more than that I'm sure we're all intelligent enough to come up with a way to word it more nicely than "i don't like it" ... like "that would not be one of my choices" or suggesting how you would change it to make it more likeable in your opinion.

On the other hand sometimes people post names and do NOT ask what we think. In those cases I try to either not answer (if I don't have anything nice to say) or I just offer suggestions without commenting (if they ask for mn ideas, etc). If they ask for both I see nothing wrong with offering both, but if they don't ask for comments I think it's better not to comment ... that is one of the cases where feelings get hurt.

Of course there are times when despite your best efforts someone is totally offended by your opinion no matter how carefully you word it. In that case it might be best to offer an apology but then you also run the risk of starting a debate. That's another thing to be careful about ... in most cases I would say, if I feel the need to start a debate I try my best to ignore that urge. Or if you feel insulted by someone just hit "report post" and ignore it. Of course it's wrong for people to ask "WDYT?" and then go reporting everyone's posts when they say they dislike it, which I have a feeling happens sometimes, and that is something else that I would love to share ideas on.

In the end this board is definitely one of my favorites here at JM and I hate to see every other thread debating someone's comment or bashing someone for saying they dislike a name. I also hate to see people come here with names they love and then feel as if we all dislike it. It might be true that we all dislike it but in those cases (some but not all of the time) I feel like we failed in trying to be polite. Although as I said, sometimes people are offended no matter what and that is another big thing I'd like to hear ideas on.

Of course I don't mean to be a real downer but it makes me very sad to see things degenerate. I hope this can become a FUN place, and that we can maybe try to post more impersonal naming questions (names you hear in the news, celebrity combos, what to do if your family wants a specific name, etc) so we can have less opportunity to truly offend someone. If there's no personal emotional stake in the name in question I doubt people would get offended and that could be a wonderful opportunity for us to scream "I HATE THAT NAME!" and get it out of our systems! If there is anything else you'd love to see more posts on I would very much like to share ideas about that too.
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  #2  
February 12th, 2007, 09:49 PM
chlodoll
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I never agree with someone attacking someone or being downright disrespectful but if you choose to ask you have to take the good with the bad I suppose. Perhaps people should stick with NMS if they dont like it. I have seen a few times people have explained a heartfelt reason why they are using a certain name and it was not up for change but they wanted advice on the middle name and people still say that they hate the name that isnt up for discusion. It just seems a bit rude to me I suppose.
  #3  
February 12th, 2007, 09:53 PM
Miss.Tee
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Quote:
I never agree with someone attacking someone or being downright disrespectful but if you choose to ask you have to take the good with the bad I suppose. Perhaps people should stick with NMS if they dont like it. I have seen a few times people have explained a heartfelt reason why they are using a certain name and it was not up for change but they wanted advice on the middle name and people still say that they hate the name that isnt up for discusion. It just seems a bit rude to me I suppose.[/b]
Perfectly said.
  #4  
February 12th, 2007, 09:54 PM
chlodoll
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I also like your idea of having some impersonal threads about names. When we are talking about children in utero emotions are definitely high lol
  #5  
February 12th, 2007, 10:12 PM
Melanie.'s Avatar Totalimmortal
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Ohio.
Posts: 11,976
I'm not sure I know how to feel about this whole topic.

I've always enjoyed this room and everyone in it. No matter how much I've disliked or liked a name/combo/etc. It's making me very sad that people are taking opinions so literally and personally, because I don't tend to do that. I really liked our hosts and I'm truly sad that they felt they had to go.
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  #6  
February 12th, 2007, 11:17 PM
Kellyf0506's Avatar Veteran
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Posts: 168
I'm pretty new here, and everyone on the board seems really nice. I do have to say that when someone asks WDYT? they are asking what I think. Everyone can take or leave any advice given to them. Do I think we should bash someones name choice (especially if already given to their child)? Absolutely not, but I do believe that each of us has every right to say "I dont like like it because.." or "its not my style heres why...". Otherwise why have advice boards, I come and I think others do too, to get honest feedback. i dont want to name my child something that i will regret in a few years, because no one told me I was being nuts (not that you should ever say "your nuts").
Could some posters be more Gentle? probably. But I dont think someone should post a name and expect everyone to agree with their choice. If your feelings get hurt easily then say "I want to name my child -----" If you like it Id really like to hear what you have to say.

I do agree if someone dosent ask for an opinion on the name, dont give one!

i'm sorry the two hosts had to leave though, no one should ever make someone else that uncomfortable.
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  #8  
February 13th, 2007, 12:52 AM
Elysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I totally agree, If there's a WDYT thread that is asking for an honest opinion, wether it be good or bad you can give your opinion in a polite way...If someone asks for mn to go with other already decided names then I agree that opinions on the already decided names should be kept to ones self...if you don't like it that much then simply don't reply to the thread or give mn suggestions. I personally don't care if people like the names I do...if we have different styles then so be it...but others a more sensitive and in order to keep things fun and friendly i think we have to keep that in mind.
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  #9  
February 13th, 2007, 04:31 AM
ImustBeNuts06's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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WELL...since you brought it up.

I think it is understood that if you post a name here with a WDYT? Then you will get everyone's opinions. What irritates me is when someone asks for help with a first name, but already has a set middle name (or vice versus) and someone goes on to critique the name that is already decided on. I don't think that I'm a super sensitive person, but I think it is rude. I also think more tact could be shown when expressing the dislike for a name. Why the need for caps? Just say it's NMS or "I wouldn't use it." How would you feel if you posted your child to be's name here and someone said, "Oh I REALLY dislike it, it sounds like a dog's name." I know everyone has the right to their opinion, but everyone should also have the obligation to respect others. As for the "drama"....Where is it???

This is OT from the opening post, but I think this would be the appropriate place to bring this up. I keep hearing the term, "outsiders" used. I think that is bogus as this is a forum for ANYONE that seeks advice on names. It's not like it's a DDC or playroom that is specifically for a certain group of people. Maybe their are a few women that stay here all the time, but the majority of people that will come to this board are pregnant women or women that are thinking of a name for future pregnancies. I think by placing the label, "outsider" on anyone that is not a regular poster is just asking for drama.
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  #10  
February 13th, 2007, 04:59 AM
Katzchen
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Quote:
I also think more tact could be shown when expressing the dislike for a name. Why the need for caps? Just say it's NMS or "I wouldn't use it." How would you feel if you posted your child to be's name here and someone said, "Oh I REALLY dislike it, it sounds like a dog's name." I know everyone has the right to their opinion, but everyone should also have the obligation to respect others.[/b]
I agree that we need to be more tactful, but I also think that if someone asks WDYT? that they need to understand that there may be negative comments as well as positive. I am very against people being limited about what they can say on a name, mainly because sometimes a negative aspect of a name may not occur to a person.

For example, last time I was pregnant I was considering the name Annabel for a girl, and I had no idea that the name had been used for a cow in a very popular children's movie. I chose not to use the name because of that association, and was grateful that some one had pointed it out! If comments had been limited to NMS, I may not have known.


I think if we all just followed the guidelines in Britanie's Etiquette post, things would run a lot more smoothly on this board.

Also, if you are being consistently annoyed with a member's posts, a good option is going to their profile, and selecting 'ignore user' from the top right 'profile options menu. Then you will not have to see the offending posts.
  #11  
February 13th, 2007, 05:41 AM
::er!ca::'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think another issue that needs to be addressed is about the members who come here (from other boards) for the soul purpose of posting names so they can report back to another site and bash all the comments on them. Or the people who come here (from other boards) that are rude, condescending, and just looking to stir trouble. We almost all know they are doing this and we almost all know exactly who they are. There has got to be a way to stop this, trolling is not welcome on JM (nor on other boards as far as I know).

**By saying "from other boards" I mean from websites that are not JM
  #12  
February 13th, 2007, 05:52 AM
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I agree with everything that basically has been said. I know I make a lot of WDYT threads, because they are names we are considering, but not sure if we'll use it & I want other people's opinion on the name.

I try to keep my comments nice, sweet & to the point. If I don't like a name I will say that I don't like the name. If I like the name then I say I like the name. I try not to be to mean, even if I hate the name, because I know there is a person behind every monitor with feelings & I don't want them to be hurt.
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  #13  
February 13th, 2007, 07:02 AM
bluebutterfly's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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This has been posted alot before so I'll keep it short. I agree with all of you that said if you ask WDYT than you should be prepared to "take" whatever someone says about your name. You're asking for an opinion and everyone is not going to have the same one. If we did where would be the fun in that right . But just because someone is asking for an opinion doesn't mean you have to be rude about it either.
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  #14  
February 13th, 2007, 07:15 AM
Hey There's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I can totally understand why people take comments so personally. How much more personal does it get then your child's name? Especially if they're naming their child after family?? I can't think of anything more offensive then stating I want to name my child's middle name...so and so... after my great-aunt who was very important to me...and hearing back, "that's a stripper name". If you don't like a name, I definitely don't think you should pretend to like it or lie to the person. I just think that we could all use a little more courtesy, respect and tact. It's really sad that Kath and Britanie felt they had to leave. I think if anyone feels a comment is inappropriate, they should report the person to the moderator and let them sort it out. It seems like bickering back and forth only escalates the tension (I, for one, am guilty of this so I'm not trying to blame anyone specifically). I just want our fun, easy going and generally respectful board back!
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  #15  
February 13th, 2007, 07:20 AM
MamaBx3
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Quote:
I think another issue that needs to be addressed is about the members who come here (from other boards) for the soul purpose of posting names so they can report back to another site and bash all the comments on them. Or the people who come here (from other boards) that are rude, condescending, and just looking to stir trouble. We almost all know they are doing this and we almost all know exactly who they are. There has got to be a way to stop this, trolling is not welcome on JM (nor on other boards as far as I know).

**By saying "from other boards" I mean from websites that are not JM[/b]

ITA .
It's like they think we're stupid and we're never going to find out about their secret "hide out"
IMO , if people have nothing better to do , than to sit on their computer and bash names that OTHER people name THEIR children - then they're pathetic .
And wow - It's one thing to do that , But to make fun of the way someone's CHILD looks .. WOW . that is just disturbing .

We all know what's been said and who's been saying it .
  #16  
February 13th, 2007, 08:06 AM
Jen25's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree that the WDYT? threads just be open to feedback. BUT it should be tactful feedback. It is possible to be both honest and tactful. I also dont enjoy when people critique a name when they were not asked to. The vast majority of the ladies here are great. Im really sorry that Britanie and Kath had to step down, as they were great hosts. I do understand their reasons. And there is a group from another baord that just go from name board to name board just to cause trouble and make fun. Sad but true.
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  #18  
February 13th, 2007, 08:12 AM
MamaBx3
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Quote:
Quote:
And there is a group from another baord that just go from name board to name board just to cause trouble and make fun. Sad but true. [/b]
Junior high kids are so lame.
[/b]
Agreed .
  #19  
February 13th, 2007, 08:12 AM
Acadia's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,377
Quote:
Quote:
And there is a group from another baord that just go from name board to name board just to cause trouble and make fun. Sad but true. [/b]
Junior high kids are so lame.
[/b]
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  #20  
February 13th, 2007, 08:30 AM
pattyandthemoos's Avatar Administrator
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Ladies, we are closing this thread.

If you see a member being rude or not following the guidelines for this board please hit the report button underneath the post and we will address this. As far as what goes on with other forums, Justmommies does not moderate activities on other forums. My advice would be to contact the administrator on the site in question or to just not visit this site. We do not like to carry problems from other sites over to Justmommies. If there are issues with members on our Baby Names board please send a pm to a moderator or hit the report button underneath the member's post.

I would also advise using the ignore feature if there is a member whose posts you don't care to read.
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