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Hi everyone. I hope you are all doing well. My name is Megan 31, wife to Scott, and mom to Luke 3, and Delia 2. This past September, I went in to see a retinal specialist for what I was concerned was retinal detatchment. The Dr. performed some tests and sent me to an ocular oncologist that day. At the end of the day I was diagnosed as having a very suspicious mole in my eye that had 5 of 7 risk factors for ocular melanoma. They said they were going to watch it and in 3 mo. assess if there was any growth or change, and if there was I would need treatment. Well, I had my appt. 2 days ago, and it did change. They said that was enough to know that this was an active thing and not a mole that was just sitting there. I am now scheduled for surgery (radiation and laser treatment) Jan. 7th. I will be in the hospital for 4-5 days (longest I have ever been away from the kids).
When I was first diagnosed, I was doing very well. I was scared, but I did a lot of research, got a 2nd opinion (same as the first), and just was really motivated to just do whatever I had to. With this latest piece of news, I am the same, but emotionally, I feel like I am not doing so well. I really am absolutely dreading the holidays and feeling like I don't want to be around people (except for my DH and kids) at all. I feel like I just want to crawl under a rock until I have my surgery and I can move on. I don't like people feeling sorry and asking me about it, or my mom and aunt crying about it, or even my DH telling me he just knows everything will be fine (which my prognosis is good - very small tumor and I am young, so I know he's right). I just don't like seeing or hearing anyone elses reactions, but I don't like telling people I'm fine when I'm not either. I feel like trying to move forward and get ready for the holidays, and the holiday gatherings, and seeing all those people - it's all so exhausting. And then I have to get people in place for watching the kids, and who's going to be with me for the surgery. So many people want to help, but I actually feel like people will be annoyed if I don't ask them. I feel kind of smothered. Has anyone felt like this? Do you think all this not wanting to be around people is a little depression over the diagnosis? Is there anyone I can talk to? Please help...
Your reaction sounds totally normal to me. You just want to get the surgery over with because it is on your mind a lot. When I was first diagnosed with melanoma, I just wanted to be around my family. Once I had the surgery to remove it, I felt I could start to move forward. But before the surgery it was like everything was on hold. I don't know that much about ocular melanoma. Can you see the mole or is it behind your eye? Is it possible this is just a changing nevus and NOT melanoma? Or has it already been biopsied?
I am sorry you are going thru this around the holidays. Maybe you can have a 2nd Christmas after your surgery is completed?
Thanks for responding! The holidays are looming closer -- ugh dread! I am so Scroogey this year To answer your questions - the mole is in the choroid section of my eye, and you can not see it from the outside. The Dr. said that while we can't be sure it is melanoma until it is biopsied, it is changing enough that they don't want to play around anymore. When they do the surgery to put the radiation plaque in, they will also do a biopsy. But the Dr. said that since the tumor is tiny and I am young (I will be 32 Christmas day), the prognosis is good. But of course, I am online googling and totally freaking myself out! I just want it to be over with!