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I actually had chance to have a bath by myself today, and have half an hour just laying there in contemplation.
Let me tell you, it rocked.
While I was there the thought occurred to me that I had Daniel six years ago. In that six years, when I think about what I've achieved, I was a little staggered.
- I experimented with a different career
- And subsequently excelled in it
- I studied for a diploma in music
- I studied for my ECDL
- I then decided to change back to teaching and got myself on a return to teaching course
- I then got myself a teaching job against all odds
- I got over two failed relationships
- I met my soulmate
- I ttc, conceived and had Michaela
- I travelled to Scotland (twice), Lincoln (twice), Wales (multiple), London (multiple) and Portugal, some of which entirely on my own with Daniel
- I became an accomplished angel channel and reader and have helped many friends and others online
- I embarked on a Pagan path
- I came to terms with my son having autism and all the challenges that brings
- I raised my son for the first 6 years of his life, mostly without his dad around
- I completed my reiki 1
- And alongside all this I have been (I hope) a good friend to many
Probably the one thing I HAVEN'T done in the last 6 years is done all that much just because I wanted to. Because I wanted to learn and grow, yes. Because I wanted to challenge myself, yes. Because I felt like I had things to prove to myself and others, certainly. Because I want to be the best mum and person I can be, don't we all. But not much just because I wanted to, just to love my life.
With this thought came a whisper from Archangel Cassiel - you have overachieved. This is not a normal amount of stuff to fit into six years of your life. You need to slow down.
I got the distinct impression that in packing in so much, I am missing something crucial for my growth but also for my wellbeing.
Not sure what's next after coming to that realisation because there just always seems to be another job to do in my life. Perhaps learning to say "no" would be a good start...