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So the conversation I had with Terri the other week, really touched me and shifted my perspective.
We discussed a lot about ego and how the fear we feel that causes hesitation, apprehension, confusion, feeling trapped or in lack, derives from the ego - to my understanding, the human mind part of us as opposed to the soul or higher self.
She told me to name my ego and give it a good talking to. That slimy little voice inside my head that tells me "you can't do this" or "this is not possible" or "you're not good enough" or "you don't HAVE enough" has always been male to me. I told her he had a feeling of a male yuppie who's completely materialistic-oreinted.
I decided to name him Tarquin, a name that comes from a standing joke with my dad in the past about a huge spider who used to live under the settee (and you guys know I hate spiders, right?). Tarquin is currently locked away in a damp basement gagged and tied to a chair having been told in no uncertain terms to shut the f up.
After I spoke to Terri for about a week after doing this I felt such a sense of peace and trust that I had never known, and stopped procrastinating over making time to meditate as well. Eventually I mentally took away the gag and the bonds and let him shout away to himself in this faraway basement in my mind. But then last week those slimy little thoughts started coming back in my head, so I repeated the exercise. She did say he wouldn't go down without a fight!!
I just wanted to share about it now I've been doing it for a few weeks, because it really works for me. It's taken a whole load off my mind and I am far more "in the flow" regarding major decisions and life purpose now. I can't say it's improved my physical energy/healing yet - I think I'm in some sort of healing crisis at present and am physically aching/headachey most of the time - but I think it will over time. It really does seem as if fear comes from the ego and it IS possible to override that part of you by seeing it as a separate entity. It is, in many ways, because it's separate from that timeless and eternal part of you which is your soul or higher self. The way I see it, anyway.
I'll keep you posted on the battle between Tarquin and Silverla but I just thought I would share up to now.
And when Terri gives you advice on this sort of thing, please please please do listen because this lady knows what she is talking about.
It reminded me of something I had to do shortly after my dad passed. I'd been having nightmares. A friend, who reminds me a lot of Terri (just wasn't as nice about things as she is ) sat me down and asked me to explain the dream to him. So I did. He asked me how it made me feel, and told me to start telling the dreams "no."
So before I went to bed I started saying "You have no power over me." I couldn't for the life of me remember where the line came from... but I kept saying it over and over. When my dream started that night, I was able to control it for the first time ever.
Well after a few days of pondering (and a few more nightmares) I realized that I felt like the girl from the movie Labyrinth. The dreams were running my life, ruining my sleep and scaring me.... because I let them. So now when ever I have a nightmare that wakes me, I think of Beating the evil guy from that movie into submission and locking him in a crystal cage. Because I take sleep medication it's only effective about 60% of the time, but I'd rather have 40% of them than 100%.
I have always called mine my inner critic and he very much resembles Gollum out of the Lord of the Rings movies (although they weren't released when I first met him!!). I used to chain him outside of workshops under my car to stop him coming in and telling I couldn't do it, but I haven't done anything for awhile. I think it is a great idea Sharon and certainly one that used to work for me. I think I shall try it again as my fear of failure is certainly controlling my life at the moment!!