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when you want to scream and cry and pout and have an all out pity party for yourself?
What if you cant calm your mind enough for meditations - cant wipe out negativity - cant let the positive in?
how do you you know what is real and what you are making up in your head? what or who is right or wrong? how to climb back out of a spot when every aspect in your life wont work for you? when you run out of options and are so stuck you cant find not only a way out but even the light to a crack of a door?
what do you do?
I can NOT calm my thoughts to think straight. all I feel is frustration - what do I do?
I'm so sorry you find yourself in such a tough place.
If you are having a moment of intense anger and frustration.. just be with that. Allow yourself to feel that... don't act on it... don't last out at others but let the feeling just be and feel and if you can, allow it to run it's course. Fighting the feeling only gives it power and invests energy into it.
In those moments, I try to breathe consciously and deeply until the intensity dies down just enough for me to be able to keep my mouth shut and I work to be kind and supportive with myself as I would be with a friend.
As for knowing what you're making up in your head or what is true. Remember a few weeks ago when we discussed the Ego, we named it so we could see it more clearly.. and that everything which comes from ego is all about fear, anger, frustration, the need to be certain, right and better than others... Ego will tell you that you're not good enough to deserve the good in your life... it will tell you that you're confused and the truth eludes you, it will whisper failure and doubt to you at every turn.
If your mind is overrun with these kinds of thoughts, it's Ego. And, it's controlling you.
Seeing the truth involves pushing the ego aside and seeing the world through more objective eyes. Seeing the good inside yourself. Seeing the good in your life.. seeing your weaknesses and your strong points and loving yourself through all of them.
As for finding who or what is right, feeling that your whole life isn't working..and finding the light.. that requires getting still enough to go within. Because YOUR truth is YOURS.. and no one else's. You have the right tools to feel what that is. You have intuition and inner knowing.. you can feel your way to what is right and true. You are completely equipped to find the light, to find your path and your way along once you're on it. You have all you need.
*hugs* Im sorry you are feeling this way. Ive been pretty familiar with that place. I love what Terri said. I was just going to add that for me, those feelings dont leave until I let it out. I cry or write-just scribbles in a notebook. I like to take a shower and cry, sounds funny, but it feels theraputic. Let it all out, be sad, mad, all of it, and let the running water wash it all away. I always feel lighter and more grounded afterwards. I hope you find an outlet that works for you.
I love what Terri and Ashleigh said. Adding that for me, the release is getting out of the house. For me to release the anger and frustration I have to do something physical - go for a run, walk, go out to the barn to muck stalls or go for a ride. Prior to 2006 when I lost my mare, I used to throw the saddle on and she and I would just run. She knew I needed to just get it out of my system so she and I would just run. For me that was the best release in the world.
I thought about hopping on my bike and riding as far as I could but that was not an option. I am the only one here for the boys and therefor could not do this (as much as I really wanted to. thank you for the idea lhug_nar )
instead I cleaned the entire garage which really helped work off my mad. and im hurting very much in my legs from all the work. im counting that as a bonus, ya know , for working muscles that needed working.
then I went right into the garden and that helped a lot too. I felt a lot more balanced and clear headed.
I talked to my sister about everything and got as much off of my chest as I could.
im exhausted. I don't think im going to try tonight - but tomorrow night im going to try meditating.
if I can stay clear headed during meditation I might attempt a small ritual on Friday. for connection, wisdom and clarity. I would like to try this outside maybe that would help keep me grounded.
thank you all for your suggestions. I fall into meditations pretty quickly until recently. with everything going on I think I freaked more when I couldnt clear my thoughts.
im going to try to schedule in some work out time. I have done very minimal to no yoga since iv started back to work and it is showing. I think I need to make it a constant in my life.
terry - i think you are totally right about the ego. im going to work on this. i, going to try to work on the release thing too. its a lot of anger and guilt - i havnt had a lot of time to myself so i think that is a big part of it too - its been hard to release. iv been keeping things in because im doing my best not to let anything show around the twins - im around the twins most of my time unless im at work.
becoming the sole care taker of the twins is stressful but adding all the problems to it, its getting to be down right crazy.