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Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
May 21st, 2008, 12:56 PM
KatConto's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Iowa
Posts: 767
Let me back up to this last Sunday ... We attended a graduation of a Niece and Nephew, the nephew is a biologial 1/2 brother to my son. Last I knew my SIL hadn't told any one in her family about the baby or letting it go for adodption. Well my SIL's father approached us and asked us if we would be offended if he sent a gift for the baby, I said no. But than he made a comment about wanting to be part of his grandson's life, I felt a little uncomfortable on that. Yes I know biologiacally he is the grandfather, but Legally he is no longer his daughters son. I don't want to offend anyone but I also don't want to be the one being offended. Any advise as to how I can handle this situation if it becomes to much for me to handle?
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  #2  
May 21st, 2008, 05:34 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 24,588
I am in the same boat as you - I adopted my sisters daughter and she is part of everybody's life fairly often. It makes me nervous but I remind myself that the more people that love her, the better. As long as they don't cross any lines or do anything that is uncomfortable....the more the merrier. I know that can be scary - I get nervous sometimes too - not so much from my family but the "daddy's" side. I worry that if they see her and fall in love with her (like anyone would), then they might try to fight for her...It's very scary but I try to tell myself I'm doing what's good for my daughter - the world is a scary place and the more people who love her, the better!
From another point of view, I try to picture myself as a Grandmother - say when Connor gets older and gets a girl pregnant (let's hope and pray not) - I would like to see my Grandchild - if it has a good home, I wouldn't want to take it away or anything like that, I would just want to see him/her every now and then.
Of course there are soooo many things that can change this - I told myself if there is anything out of place, I will snatch those privileges from them right away! The best interest is ALWAYS the child - so if there are people who will love your child with no strings attached then GREAT! If not, break away....
Good luck with whatever you decide! You can always PM me or post a topic here - I'll be glad to help in any way possible!


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  #3  
May 21st, 2008, 07:24 PM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas y'all!
Posts: 17,144
Wow, I think Rebecca gave you some great advice. That must be a very difficult situation, and I pray that you find the solution that works best for your family and your little guy.
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  #4  
May 22nd, 2008, 10:42 AM
ericahex's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,241
I can't offer advise, worrying about the same thing myself as I adopt my nephew. All I can say is try not to worry about the "worst case scenario". I know I did, and so far the experience has been better then I could've hoped. We hear horror stories, and it's easier to focus on that, whereas this is an opportunity for a wonderful relationship. I know personally I am going to try to join local support groups for adoption in general and hopefully find other "kinship adoptive" parents to talk with, and in the meantime, we take it as it comes.
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  #5  
May 27th, 2008, 02:28 AM
ashleighgurl's Avatar Loving Wife and Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Arizona - formally, Michigan
Posts: 12,770
Quote:
I am in the same boat as you - I adopted my sisters daughter and she is part of everybody's life fairly often. It makes me nervous but I remind myself that the more people that love her, the better. As long as they don't cross any lines or do anything that is uncomfortable....the more the merrier. I know that can be scary - I get nervous sometimes too - not so much from my family but the "daddy's" side. I worry that if they see her and fall in love with her (like anyone would), then they might try to fight for her...It's very scary but I try to tell myself I'm doing what's good for my daughter - the world is a scary place and the more people who love her, the better!
From another point of view, I try to picture myself as a Grandmother - say when Connor gets older and gets a girl pregnant (let's hope and pray not) - I would like to see my Grandchild - if it has a good home, I wouldn't want to take it away or anything like that, I would just want to see him/her every now and then.
Of course there are soooo many things that can change this - I told myself if there is anything out of place, I will snatch those privileges from them right away! The best interest is ALWAYS the child - so if there are people who will love your child with no strings attached then GREAT! If not, break away....
Good luck with whatever you decide! You can always PM me or post a topic here - I'll be glad to help in any way possible![/b]
Wonderful advice!
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  #6  
June 3rd, 2008, 09:30 AM
KatConto's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Iowa
Posts: 767
Thank you so much for the advice. So far I haven't heard or recieved anything. I guess I was just kinda worried because I really don't know much about Leo's bio grandfather other than what his birth mother has told me and well the picture that was painted for me wasn't very pretty. I also know his (the bio grandfather) health isn't in the best of condition.

So until things change or I hear differently on anything things are the same as they have been since Leo's been in our lives.
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