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  #1  
August 24th, 2008, 10:47 AM
my2babies9806's Avatar TTC #3!!!!!
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 184
I've heard it said that by the time you get to bring your child home and everything is done it's like having gone through pregnancy, labor, delivery, and post pregnancy . It's that hard and time consuming and stressful and anxious. So never let it be said that as adoptive mothers there's any less work than those who gave birth...lol

I am considering Holt, Adoption Ark, Christian World Adoption, and Children's Hope International as agencies. Anyone have any experience with these? We initially wanted to adopt from China, but they have a law now that your BMI cannot be over 40. If it is, they will not allow the adoption because you are considered obese and they consider that a major medical condition. So since my BMI is 52 and dh's is 49, we knew China was out. Russia is more lenient in that area, but their paperwork and everything you need is far more complicated. *sigh*

Can anyone tell me what the home study is all about? I've heard people say it scared them and freaked them out. Why?? What's so bad about it?

Also, when you do the FBI criminal check, what do they care about?? I was found guilty of writing 3 bad checks in 2000. No jail time. Just probation and pay it back. It was a misdomenor because they were to a grocery store ( very bad month, I admitted I knew there was no money in the bank when I wrote them but I had lost my job and dh was on workman's comp from getting hurt, and we had to feed ds. So the judge was very nice about it all since I told the truth and just let me have probation until it was paid off. Once it was, the probation ended.) Will this matter and count against me?? I hope not.

Thanks in advance for the replies. I'm so happy and excited.
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Me (31) DH (34)

DS born 4/24/98 - 41 weeks - age 11yrs
DD born 9/6/06 - 39 weeks - age 2 1/2 yrs

8 total losses: 7 first trimester & 1 second trimester

TTC #3!!! Wish us luck!!


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  #2  
August 24th, 2008, 11:53 AM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas y'all!
Posts: 17,144
We used Holt for both of our adoptions and had excellent experiences both times. I highly recommend them! Your home study is basically your whole life in a nice neat report. You'll be assigned a social worker, who will have you fill out LOTS of paperwork, and will visit your home to talk to you as a couple, individually, and they even talk to your kiddos, too. It is very intimidating at first, thinking that someone is scrutinizing every single aspect of your life, but it's really not that bad once you get going. Your social worker is there to help you reach your goal of adopting a child, not trying to find something wrong with you, so keep that in mind! I remember feeling pretty silly about how worked up I got before we met our SW for the first time, because she ended up being very sweet and making us feel totally at ease.

As far as the criminal checks, I'm not sure what all they look for, but I'm sure your social worker can help you with that. I would think the situation that you described wouldn't be a big deal, especially if you are forthcoming with the info about it.

Let me know if you have any specific questions about Holt and I'll do my best to answer them!
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  #3  
August 24th, 2008, 12:50 PM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,969
Yes, adoption is like a very long labor but worth the pain in the end.

I didn't use any of the agencies you listed but have heard only positive things about HOlt.

As for BMI, many countries now have BMI requirements, age requirements, number of children in home, etc. China, Korea and others have become more stringent on the BMI. I believe our agency allows you to move forward with the paperwork and try to lose weight to reduce your BMI.
As for the criminal issue, I would discuss that openly with the agency. I have no personal experience with this but I have heard several adoptive parents being denied due to DUIs ten and twenty years ago. The background check is both at the federal and state level so being open and honest from the beginning will save you time and money.
The homestudy is not as scary as it sounds. We had to answer a series of questions in essay form, compile lots of documents, and be interviewed by a social worker twice. Your social worker is your advocate and will tell you if they are concerned about anything.
Congratulations on pursuing adoption. It is truly a great experience.
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  #4  
August 24th, 2008, 01:11 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 24,588
Here is a good list I've found that rates adoption agencies : Adoption Agency Ratings

I wonder if it wouldn't be better to stick with an adoption here in the U.S. - It may be less complicated in your case. I never knew you had to have a certain BMI, they never even asked me, good thing cause I don't think I would know it

I hope it all works out for you!!!!
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  #5  
August 24th, 2008, 10:39 PM
my2babies9806's Avatar TTC #3!!!!!
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 184
There are several reasons why we want international adoption.

#1 - we would rather not get in to the whole foster to adopt thing. We've heard about and even seen soooo many of our friends and even some extended family get burned going that route.

#2 - we don't want a newborn. And we've seen that most of the older children available in the US outside of fostering or family placement have SIGNIFICANT special needs, and we don't want to take that on if possible. I know that some children internationally are delayed or have minor ailments that can be easily corrected. Thats fine. But we would rather not have to deal with mental retardation, feeding tubes, major surgeries, etc....

#3 - we would like to have children that have a culture and heritage, go to that country, learn about it and experience it, and see how to keep it alive for them as they grow.


As for BMI, I have been trying to lose weight. My BMI was 57. But I'm at a stall now. I may not be able to lose anymore on my own. I have PCOS and it makes it darn near impossible to lose major weight. It's also the leading cause in infertility and miscarriages. So it's really been a thorn in my side on several fronts.

I have heard great things about Holt. I just received their information packet, which I have been pouring over. Can you tell me anything about how it went with them?? Do they really work hard and have compassion and integrity??

I am certainly hoping the past problem with the checks won't come back to haunt me. I do know that once you are turned down, it's next to impossible to ever be able to adopt. I truly hope it won't be an issue.

Thanks for all the replies and the warm welcome. I appreciate everything!!!
__________________
Me (31) DH (34)

DS born 4/24/98 - 41 weeks - age 11yrs
DD born 9/6/06 - 39 weeks - age 2 1/2 yrs

8 total losses: 7 first trimester & 1 second trimester

TTC #3!!! Wish us luck!!


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