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Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
August 30th, 2008, 10:16 PM
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Join Date: May 2005
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Hello ladies,

I am currently pregnant.. this is my third pregnancy..

I have a 3 year-old daughter and a 1 and a half year old little boy who was a twin ( one passed away).. im 21 soon to be 22 years old and i am very unsure of what i want to do with this child or how to handle it rather..

I am quite sure that i want to give it up for adoption for a few key reasons.. one being that i am not financially or emotionally kept to have another child.. another reason is becuase i am sstruggling already to take care of the two i have i jus dont think it would be fair to any of us (me, my kids, or the unborn child) to have another baby.

Anyway i want to think about adoption but i have a few concerns.. and i need a little advice..
ONE.. i DO wanna be involved in choosing the family and making sure that the baby is ok and everything but im not sure how i feel about keeping in touch..

its not that i dont care about the child but i would think that that would be hard on the child for them to know that there is another woman that is the actually real parent.. then the questions start and you kno they ask.. why didnt you want me and all that.. i cant handle that.. i already lost one child this would be like losing another but i think it would be easier to jus cut ties.. at the same time i do wanna see how the child grows but i think that would break my heart even more because i might eventually realize that i could have taken care of my child on my own...

THINKIN ABOUT THIS STUFF MAKES ME REALLY SAD.. I HATE THAT IM EVEN PREGNANT AND I KNO IT SOUNDS BAD BUT THEN I WOULDNT EVEN HAVE TO GO THRU THIS.. I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE AND IM JUS TRYING TO HANDLE IT THE BEST WAY I CAN.. i kno in my heart that adoption is the BEST OPTION i guess the real problem im having is how to deal wit it... i am only about 5 mo. preggo so i have time to consider my options but im really SOOOOOOOOOOO CONFUSED.. s

SOMEONE ANYONE EVERYONE ...

HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!
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  #2  
August 31st, 2008, 09:33 AM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas y'all!
Posts: 17,144
Hi and welcome to the adoption board. I want to start by saying that admire the strength is must take to make the decision you're facing. JM has a birthmoms board, and I found this thread there, which might be a good place to start. I have no doubt that the moms on that board can guide you in the direction you need to go.

I can't imagine how much you must be hurting as you go through this, but I can't say enough how courageous and strong I think you are. Please take care!

Oh, and I just noticed your in my area (I'm close to Fort Worth), and we have several friends who adopted through Gladney in Fort Worth and had wonderful experiences.
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  #3  
August 31st, 2008, 12:03 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
First let me say, THANK YOU! The gift that birth mothers give their children and their children's adoptive parents is SO immense. Second, let me say, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the loss you've already had and the one you will experience when you place this child in his or her mother's arms.

I know the birth moms board might help you more, but I do know a lot of people who have adopted domestically. Some have completely open adoptions where birth mom and adoptive mom are very close and speak often and the child knows both as mom. I also know a few who often send pictures and updates on special days to their children's birth parents. But otherwise the birth parent is not really a part of their child's life. All of them were chosen by their children's birth parents to be the forever family for their children.

God bless you as you enter in this hard time of your life. I also lost a child. My second bio child was stillborn. My first I almost lost as well. I do not feel like I can have more children safely, so I and my DH are adopting through foster care. I have also thought of adopting through private adoption, but the expense and the unknowns make me afraid to try.
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  #4  
August 31st, 2008, 01:01 PM
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I am so proud of you for doing what you think is best for your baby! As an adoptive mother I can tell you that the love we share is a special love and bond and I will always be forever grateful to the birth mother - She gave me a gift that I can never thank her enough for! Good luck with your decision - I hope and pray it works out well for everyone in the end
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  #5  
August 31st, 2008, 10:12 PM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,969
As an adoptive Mom, I wanted to say thank you and God Bless You. Please find a reputable agency to walk you through an adoption plan. Everything you want is doable and if you choose to place your child for adoption, there are a set of loving parents who will love your baby to pieces. Good luck in your decisions.
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  #6  
August 31st, 2008, 10:30 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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Hi! Lurking here from the birth mom's board...please please please don't hesitate to come over to the birth mom's board for any support, venting, whatever you may need.

That being said I think you are a courageous, amazing woman to think so selflessly in regards to your family. Adoption is a wonderful process and I do not regret placing my child up for adoption nearly 10 years ago. I see Olivia at least once a year, we write, we email, we send pictures, we even IM and talk on the phone sometimes. We have a very open and very great relationship. And by we I mean her Mom, her, my family, and I. They are just a branch of my family and I couldn't imagine having it any other way. However that is not for everyone. If you feel like that would not suit you and would be too hard on you it is within your rights to ask that it not be that way.

Anyway, please come over to the birth mom's board. We have some very great ladies that can help with any concerns you may have. Also I do *believe* that one of them has ties with Gladney and could help you more in that respect.

HUGS!!!! You are truly an amazing woman in a hard and sad position...we are here to help in any way we can. Please feel free to PM me if you don't feel comfortable posting there.
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  #7  
September 1st, 2008, 09:18 AM
melissa.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hello. I am Melissa, the host of the Birth Mom's board. I placed my daughter for adoption 7 years ago. I went through the Gladney Center and am willing to answer ANY questions you may have.

I too was blessed with a very open adoption. I see her and her family regularly. Personally, I cannot imagine my life without that contact. I cannot imagine (and feel deeply) for the birth mothers who are forced to have a closed adoption. All the questions that run through their minds must be so hard to work through. A mother's worst fear is the unknown....

With that being said, I COMPLETELY understand if you choose to keep it closed. Open adoption is NOT for everyone. It is up to you if you believe that you can handle it. As for your children, I have two other children and another on the way. They have always been told the story of their sisters adoption and they have asked questions. My oldest knows that her sister was placed in my tummy by God and that God intended for her adoptive mother to have her. She understands it almost completely at the young age of four.
So, I guess what I am getting at is: children understand things better than you think. They know alot more than we give them credit for. My girls understand that they are 100% bio sisters and they act like it too! We are also VERY close to her family. We are a military family, so we have to move alot. Right now, we are stationed just 300 miles from them and try to visit as much as possible. They came here this summer to enjoy the beach with us... but this is all just a matter of preference.

If you can't handle it emotionally, than that is ultimately, YOUR decision. This decision needs to be based on YOU and your family.. no one else. So, don't let everyone try to sway you one way or another. (trust me, they will try to)

I also have lost a child, after placing my daughter. I know the pain... and it is so hard to deal with. Just try to stay focused on THIS child and what THIS child needs from you. Not saying to forget that child, just try to keep your focus on the 'here and now'. If that makes sense?

Again, please come join us in the Birth Mom's board. We are there to answer ANY questions and we have a great group of ladies. A great support network.... and we tend to be a little slow, but just bear with us. Jen and I are trying to get it up and going again.

BIG to you. I know this is probably the hardest decision you've ever had to make.
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  #8  
September 1st, 2008, 06:44 PM
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Quote:
Hello. I am Melissa, the host of the Birth Mom's board. I placed my daughter for adoption 7 years ago. I went through the Gladney Center and am willing to answer ANY questions you may have.

I too was blessed with a very open adoption. I see her and her family regularly. Personally, I cannot imagine my life without that contact. I cannot imagine (and feel deeply) for the birth mothers who are forced to have a closed adoption. All the questions that run through their minds must be so hard to work through. A mother's worst fear is the unknown....

With that being said, I COMPLETELY understand if you choose to keep it closed. Open adoption is NOT for everyone. It is up to you if you believe that you can handle it. As for your children, I have two other children and another on the way. They have always been told the story of their sisters adoption and they have asked questions. My oldest knows that her sister was placed in my tummy by God and that God intended for her adoptive mother to have her. She understands it almost completely at the young age of four.
So, I guess what I am getting at is: children understand things better than you think. They know alot more than we give them credit for. My girls understand that they are 100% bio sisters and they act like it too! We are also VERY close to her family. We are a military family, so we have to move alot. Right now, we are stationed just 300 miles from them and try to visit as much as possible. They came here this summer to enjoy the beach with us... but this is all just a matter of preference.

If you can't handle it emotionally, than that is ultimately, YOUR decision. This decision needs to be based on YOU and your family.. no one else. So, don't let everyone try to sway you one way or another. (trust me, they will try to)

I also have lost a child, after placing my daughter. I know the pain... and it is so hard to deal with. Just try to stay focused on THIS child and what THIS child needs from you. Not saying to forget that child, just try to keep your focus on the 'here and now'. If that makes sense?

Again, please come join us in the Birth Mom's board. We are there to answer ANY questions and we have a great group of ladies. A great support network.... and we tend to be a little slow, but just bear with us. Jen and I are trying to get it up and going again.

BIG to you. I know this is probably the hardest decision you've ever had to make.[/b]


THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT,CONCERN, AND ADVICE... THIS IS A VERY DIFFICULT SITUATION FOR ME IM SOO EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE AND YOUNG IN THE SENSE THAT I HAVE HAD ALOT OF CHILD "FIRST" LOL IF THAT MAKES SENSE AND I DO ALSO FEEL THIS IS THE BEST THING TO DO... I WILL GLADLY COME JOIN THE BIRTH MOTHERS BOARD... AS I DO HAVE MANY MORE QUESTIONS... AGAIN THANK YOU LADIES YOU GALS HAVE REALLY HELPED ME FEEL MUCH BETTER ABOUT MY DECISION.. ALTHOUGH I HAVE SOO MANY MORE CONCERNS !! ANYWAY SEE YOU AT THE BIRTH MOM'S BOARD.. AND THANK YOU TO ALL THE ADOPTIVE MOMS WHO HAVE BIG ENOUGH HEARTS TO TAKE CARE OF "OUR" CHILDREN WHEN WE ARE NOT ABLE TO DO SO FOR WHATEVER REASON I REALLY COMMEND YOU ALL..
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  #9  
September 2nd, 2008, 02:22 PM
dettmer26's Avatar I have issues....
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I am just in awe of all of you! You are all truly amazing!

My sister cannot have children, so I lurk here once in awhile to get advice/help for her. She is just an amazing young woman (22) and is hoping to adopt their (her and her fiancee's) baby someday. I wish you lived closer....I could get you 2 in touch! She is the God mother of my daughter and I trust her with my children's lives more than anyone (other than me!). You are wonderful for doing this, and I wish you all the best in your decision-making journey.
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  #10  
September 9th, 2008, 04:12 PM
monkhester
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God bless you. I know this is a hard time for you. I know my baby's birth mother and father. I took him to see her this weekend. I pray that you consider an open adoption. It is wonderful to know that my son is aware of where he comes from.

God be with you. What you are considering is the biggest and greatest gift anyone can ever give.

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