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Saying hi, looking into fostering or foster to adopt


Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
December 5th, 2008, 11:05 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 3,120
Send a message via MSN to MomtoAnnaLise
My name is Carla, my husband and I have a 16-month-old daughter and are looking into fostering a child. I've always been interested in this, and after passing a genetic heart condition to my daughter (she has a mild form, thankfully), we would prefer to foster rather than risk giving a new child a more severe condition. Anyway, I have a question. What age would be appropriate for the younger/biological child to be when starting the foster process? I want to make sure that she is independent enough that I'll have enough time to help an older child to adjust to a new family and lifestyle. Thank you in advance for any responses if this makes any sense at all
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  #2  
December 5th, 2008, 12:10 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 24,588
Hi! Glad you joined us! That is probably an answer that could be answered either way - I'll bet some would say wait and some would say go for it! Personally, I think kids adjust so easily and understand way more than we give them credit for. We told Kirsten all about it from the time she could talk and she's not missed a beat - she thinks it's perfectly normal for some families to be like us (one birth child, one adopted child).
Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful, smooth journey!!!! Come by and update us when you can!
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  #3  
December 5th, 2008, 07:25 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
Carla!!

My DH and I just started this process so I can't give you any helpful advice yet but the ladies here are very helpful and very kind. Good Luck!

Your lil girl is simply beautiful, by the way!
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  #4  
December 6th, 2008, 06:36 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
There are lots of points of view on this. Personally, DH and I decided we wouldn't take any children older than our bio daughter. So as she grows, we'll also grow with our age ranges. She will always be the oldest in our family though (as it stands right now... I never say never). We'd take any children who are 2.5 or younger right now.

Some people say if you are going older than your youngest then to go "much" older. Like, say take a teenager if you have really young ones so that age gap helps their adjustment. Personally that would scare me. Most foster kids are victims and victims often act out in the ways they were treated.

But, just for your sanity, I might wait until your DD was older. A lot of people think wait until your youngest is in school. That way you can spend more time with the new one in the day while your child is in school.

There isn't a set "rule." Do what you think is good for you and your family. Going from one child to two is SO much harder than I ever imagined... but we've got our routine and I LOVE it now. I wouldn't ever want to go back. Oh, and you can always start the foster process and just be very slow about it all. The classes you have to take will help you make your decision too. You can finish the classes and put your application on hold and never have to take those classes again... that's kind of nice.

Anyway, congratulations! I hope this all works out for you!
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  #5  
December 6th, 2008, 08:59 AM
LadyLacy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 818
IA w/Rebecca and the general sentiment of do what is best for your family.

we are adopting, we have a 14 yo, almost 9 yo, almost 6 yo, almost 4 yo and 16 mos old we having been talking fostering and adopting w/our kids and they are looking forward to it. we are hoping to adopt a 4-6 yr old. we know we aren't going to go older than the almost 9 yr old. we have b, g, b, b, b. we are hoping to make it b, g, (add a girl) either just over or between the next 2 boys. they like the idea of having another sister in the house.

good luck deciding.
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  #6  
December 6th, 2008, 09:48 AM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas y'all!
Posts: 17,144
I think it really just depends on what you think is best for your family. We adopted a 10-month old when our son was 4, then adopted a 5 year old when he was 6 and our youngest was 2 and then had a baby, LOL. Some people will tell you to not adopt "out of order", but for us, it worked beautifully and I can't imagine my family being any other way. Good luck with the process and please keep us posted!
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  #7  
December 6th, 2008, 05:48 PM
LadyLacy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 818
Quote:
I think it really just depends on what you think is best for your family. We adopted a 10-month old when our son was 4, then adopted a 5 year old when he was 6 and our youngest was 2 and then had a baby, LOL. Some people will tell you to not adopt "out of order", but for us, it worked beautifully and I can't imagine my family being any other way. Good luck with the process and please keep us posted![/b]
thats how I see it working out for us. adopting out of order and going well.
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  #8  
December 6th, 2008, 07:15 PM
Vicki...'s Avatar Mommy to Caleb & Ethan
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ravencliff WV
Posts: 13,851
Welcome, we are also looking into foster parent adoption.
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  #9  
December 7th, 2008, 02:40 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 3,120
Send a message via MSN to MomtoAnnaLise
Thank you for the responses, DH and I will definately consider them and update when we make any decisions
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Mom to Anna Lise- Born 7/17/07
Missing Cleo, my greyhound girl, crossed the rainbow bridge 3/4/11
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  #10  
December 9th, 2008, 03:43 AM
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Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 24,588
Good luck with your decision
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  #11  
December 27th, 2008, 07:15 PM
LadyLacy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 818
good luck w/your decision!
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