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  #1  
December 23rd, 2008, 06:08 PM
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Hello Ladies!

I posted here awhile back about looking into adoption. My husband and I have still been talking about it. I was just watching on CBS the special on the Dave Thomas Foundation. Here is a little background on us first. We have been together 5 years on the 28. We were married March 22 of this year. I am 24 (25 in May) and DH (Todd) is 26 (27 in August). We own our own house without a payment on it. I am currently in school full time for accounting and business. DH works full time nights at the local dairy and is also on the volunteer fire dept.

So for my Question:
After watching the Dave Thomas Foundation special it got me to thinking about talking to DH about adopting an older (between 2-8) child. Do you think that with our ages an older child will work for us. I know we will still be TTC our own also so we would have an older child and the baby.

Thanks for all your thoughts
Shayna
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  #2  
December 23rd, 2008, 07:56 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Welcome! DH and I are new foster parents. We've been liscensed only since this July. We are both 27 years old and were the youngest in our foster parenting class by about 5 years. Most foster parents I know are quite a bit older. We were asked a lot of questions regarding our "youth" as they put it. LOL. So I don't think your age is an issue, but be prepared for that.

I think many states have requirments on the length of your marriage. In Alabama you must have been married for a minimum of 3 years before becoming a foster parent.

I think you could do it for sure, but you have to go into it with very open eyes. Older kids in foster care often come with a whole lot of baggage that you won't get with the "babies." Most of these kids have been moved around a lot and have a lot of bonding issues. More of them will have countless doctors' visits (pediatricians, psychiatrists, etc.). By going into foster care you are giving up a lot of privacy (case workers, therapists, social workers, etc. are in and out of the house all the time). You will have to deal with a lot of tantrums, visits with biological family who you may or may not like, etc. etc. etc.

I know I make it sound bad, but all of that is true.

Now, if you are still reading, here is what you gain. You get to be mommy and daddy to beautiful children who need love more than anyone else you might ever meet. You get to see them grow through some serious pain. You get to help them find their perfect family (sometimes). You get to play with them, talk with them, have special days with them, etc. etc. You get smiles. You get giggles. You get funny funny statements made. You get all the joys of children too. You also have the opportunity to always have kids in your house if you want that. (I find it so exciting that I can choose to have infants or young children in my home forever... no matter how many grow up.)

So there is a lot of good in it. It takes a strong heart to do. And yes, you can adopt through foster care without fostering, however, by doing that you will be looking at children within sibling groups, medically fragile children, or mentally challenged children. Which, if that is what you and DH want, is SO needed and SO very wonderful! DH and I wanted to adopt a sibling group, but we decided with our young daughter it would be better to wait until she's older. Now we have one little boy who we are really praying we get to adopt.

Ok, I read over all that and it sounds worse than I thought it would. Trust me, it isn't as bad... but I would hate people to go into it with their eyes closed too. The marriage thing might be the thing that holds you up a couple of years. Check your state's website. You can usually just google your state's name and foster care to find the requirements.
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  #3  
December 24th, 2008, 05:06 AM
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Thanks Beth!! I grew up with a family friend doing foster care and have been through all of the home visits and stuff. All but 2 of their 8 children were adopted through foster care. I know that all but one of them (the one they got as a baby) have emotional problems that they are still battling today years after the adoption. Which I know is the one thing that is scary to me with an older child.

Wisconsin you need to be at least 21 and can be in any type of relationship not marriage requirement.
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  #4  
December 24th, 2008, 05:33 AM
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Sounds like you got some great advice but I just had to comment on the Dave Thomas foundation! I requested info from them not long ago and was so impressed! They really go all out! What a great organization! Good luck with your decision and please keep us updated!
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  #5  
December 24th, 2008, 06:07 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Awesome! I say go for it! Usually you have to take some sort of classes (our were called MAPP but I've heard of PRIDE and others too). Those will tell you a lot before getting into it. Good luck whatever you decide!
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  #6  
December 24th, 2008, 08:04 AM
mswordwiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I can say from personal experience that the kids in our household are ok with new little ones, no matter how they got there. YAY for looking into adoption Shayna!!!
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  #7  
December 25th, 2008, 08:38 AM
Vicki...'s Avatar Mommy to Caleb & Ethan
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Yay Shayna, I am also looking into foster/adoption, we have had two miscarriages in the past year and have decided that this is a route we really want to pursue, we are excited, I start my foster classes on January 8th, yeah. I hope everything goes well for you.
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  #8  
December 25th, 2008, 09:55 AM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
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Shayna!! I know you!!! I'm so happy to hear that you are researching becoming a foster/adoptive parent. My DH and I are on the same path. If you need someone to talk to, I'll be here. Good Luck!

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  #9  
December 27th, 2008, 03:48 PM
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Thanks ladies for all the support!! DH and I are still in the beginning talking stages. We are still unsure of what path we want to take but are keeping everything open. Once the holidays are over we will talk more but things are so busy here right now its just been short talks on our feelings about it all.
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