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Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
January 14th, 2009, 01:10 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
What made you and your family decide to do adoption?

For us it was something I personally have always wanted to do. I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be an adoptive parent and a foster parent too. My best friend growing up was adopted and spent the first 5 years of her life in foster care. She had a really bad foster experience and we always talked about how we'd be different when we became foster parents. I don't know what happened to her... we lost contact a long time ago, but I'm excited to be living out that dream now.

For my DH, he never wanted to do foster care or adopt. I prayed all the time that God would change his heart and I made a concerted effort not to "push" him to do it if he didn't want to. After our DS died, he came to me a few months later and said, "Why don't we look into adoption through foster care?" That was all I needed... I already had all the paperwork to apply and we sent it in the next day.
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  #2  
January 14th, 2009, 04:51 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
What made you and your family decide to do adoption?

I always imagined I would have kids. I come from a long line of very fertile women so I just assumed DH and I would have trouble preventing pregnancy, not becoming pregnant. Blake and I were married in our teens and decided to stop using preventative measures when we were 21. And nothing happened. Three years ago, we started ttc in earnest, going through all of the tests and exams, taking meds, giving vials of blood for labs, paying thousands of dollars to specialists only to figure out that it is entirely possible for me to become pregnant (with medication) but not at all possible for me to stay pregnant.

DH and I had talked about adoption very casually over the course of the last two years. We'd even sent away for information from various agencies at one point. We just weren't there yet; we hadn't come to terms with our own reality, our own losses. Then a few months ago, my little sister gave birth to a perfect, beautiful baby girl (one she conceived by accident) and I was right there with her through all of it. I took her shopping, threw her a baby shower, put together the furniture in the nursery and it still wasn't real until I was telling her to breathe through the contractions, until that first pitiful cry echoed around the room and my sister held her child for the first time. On our way home the next day, DH said we were going to have to figure something out. We made one more visit to an RE, confirmed everything we already knew and one week later, we made the call to our local DSS. In the past three years, my faith has taken a beating at every turn and when we decided to do this, the moment I hung up that phone, I felt the strangest peace. Maybe this is what we are supposed to do, what we were supposed to do all along. We'll see how things progress but for now, it's nice to have hope.
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Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

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  #3  
January 15th, 2009, 05:00 AM
mswordwiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: ATL
Posts: 1,902
I come from a very large family. My mom is the 2nd youngest of 17, my Step-dad who raised me was the #2 out of 9, and my bio-dad was the oldest of 11. I went to school with my cousins, an uncle plus extended family. I only have one sibling, but growing up with cousins it was growing up in a large family environment. Total in all, I have 91 first cousins from all 3 sides. Hubby still gets a little lost keeping track of who is who, but he is getting there.

I found out in my very early 20's that my body cannot carry a pregnancy past 25-27 weeks and it took IVF to get pregnant, and my mistake then was marrying someone who wanted a breeder not a wife; or rather his mother wanted a truckload of grandkiddies. After deciding that the infertility dance was not for me and I could not handle loosing another baby, I needed to get away from this person. The bozo I married informed me that his mother told us to get a divorce, it worked for me, I really wanted out and away from both him and his psycho mommy.

I stayed single for over 15 years before marrying Tom. One by one my cousins got married and started their families. My brother has 6 kids, and every family get together it has been so when are you going to find someone and have kids???So I moved 1000 miles away, and came home to visit every 3 months. I am still close to my family, but its nice being out of the tundra belt. I have 38 god children and only 4 are not family related.

One of the things that hubby and I talked a lot about was adopting/fostering while dating. He had 2 sons with his former wife, but since he was in the Navy, he missed an awful lot on being the dad, now that he was retired from the navy, he thought this would work, as he was worried about me even trying again. As soon as we hit the 2 year mark of marriage, the paperwork went in specifically asking for siblings. We took the classes, and even though DH and I are both firefighter/paramedics who teach (I also have a BSN), we both had to take the CPR/First Aid portion to meet the requirements to get a foster license. We thought that was hilarious considering we teach this to our students who become firefighters and EMT's and we had to sit through the class as civilians. During the infant care portion, my hubby (who did not change one diaper with either son) gloved up and told the instructor ok bring on the little pooper,I am ready!

I thought being 40 something was going to be an issue and it was not. We started with Leigh and Brandon who are siblings, and 13 months later Traci landed at our door. So now we have an 8 year old, a 6 year old and a 14 year old. Now in Feb, we have 2 newborn twin boys that will join us, and in March we can file the petition to adopt Traci. She told us that out of the 5 foster homes shes been in, we are the only ones who feel like parents to her.

One of my god daughters called me over the summer asking if I would adopt her pregnancy, w/out even asking Tom, I told her yes of course. She is in a bad situation with domestic issues, and she has a 3,2, and 1 year old. The next week she called back in tears asking would we still want "it" if it were twins? Would we only take one?? I calmed her down and said you don't separate twins, and of course we would be happy to adopt both. I knew that getting an infant would be darn near impossible, and we geared everything towards older kids, but hey we can adapt we have 2 coming!! This is an open adoption and the boys are lucky that their bio mom wants to know them also. When I told Tom shes carrying twin boys, it could not have been any better than me saying "hunny im preggo.." He is tickled he is getting 2 more boys to even out the estrogen overload.

Our only issue with adopting the babies was we needed a vehicle that can hold 2 booster seats, 2 infant seats, and have enough room for Traci, Tom, myself and the doggies. My parents bought us a van for a baby shower gift in Dec. I had 4/5's of the family here in Ga from Mi come down for the baby shower, and 214 thank you notes later, we are ready for the babies!!! I cannot wait until the arrive.

One of my co-workers asked me why we do this, I replied why not, we are not in this for the check (perception of co worker), we are in this to be parents, its the job of a lifetime and it does not end when a child turns 18. Another co worker asked if after the babies arrive if we would still foster, the answer is if we have room, of course we will! Traci's worker asked the same thing.
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And now there are 6....
Traci 14
Leigh 9
Brandon 6
Suzanne (1-18-2009)
Kyle & Luke (1-22-2009)

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Another day, another 72% for the same work, different pay......
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  #4  
January 15th, 2009, 11:13 AM
LadyLacy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 818
my journey started long ago. as a teen. when I heard about/read about (at the time) chinese girls being "thrown away" I was horrified. and determined then and there that I'd adopt 2 one day. and as a teen and then young adult. I figured I'd adopt my 2 girls and a couple boys. at the time, I had planned on being a single career woman so marriage and pg never crossed my mind.

one early marriage that ended in divorce. I took some time off to do some soul searching of what I really wanted in life and joined the national guard. a few years later, I met the love of my life who was a single father to a 4 yr old. (wasn't the first time I dated someone w/dc) we had a very short courthship and was married 3 mos later its important to note, that, when we was courting when we talked about God, discipline, sahm, who we was as ppl and what we wanted, I told him, my cat had always lived inside and I wanted to know if adoption what he thought about it, b/c it was IMPORTANT to me. he didn't even blink, said yes/done deal andwe got married. life changes happened, dh's job, housing etc and adoption was backburnered. we started building our family and last year it was laid on my heart to start the adoption process. so I started researching online (I've been told we can get a waiver for china on the $ amt per child in the house) and I started looking at DSS. and felt led to adopt from there.

so I talked to dh, he again readily agreed. we took the classes which dh had to take time off work for (he still needs the adoption class but he was at a military school when that happened) the cpr classes (which we both have had thru the military plus I already had a card thru taking it at the library).

then we were told after the classes we'd get our home study packet. but they never sent it to us. we got thru the holidays, winter, birthdays and come spring. I thought, we need to try again. so I emailed the coordinators of the classes about it and they gave me a new # and assured me homeschooling wasn't a problem.

so we received our packet and though it took some time for us to get it completed, its all now done and we are awaiting the CM to receive our last reference so they can schedule our inspection.

we know we will be blessed by the children and hope to be a blessing to them. and to adopt along the way.

I/we may still do the international adoption one day, but for now, fdc is where we are at.

and yes we too, got asked why? why want more DC when there are 5. we love kids and we are open to them. seems there are plenty who don't understand that.
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  #5  
January 23rd, 2009, 08:49 AM
Arien's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 216
We have always planned to adopt. We figured we'd have one or two birth children first (on top of the 3 I have from before my marriage), then move on to adoption. Well, TTC has not worked out and it's been 3 years, so we figure the Lord must be trying to tell us something. We feel it's time to move on to the next step.
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