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Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
January 30th, 2009, 06:19 PM
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 13
I am new here and really just need someone to talk to. I work in a day care which has many state custody children. I have been there 15 years and love my job but never got involved with the childrens private lives. Well of course i fell in love with a baby girl and social worker said her goal was being changed from going back to mom to adoption. So i called dss and told them i wanted her. They took my info and called me back for the background check. They said as soon as background check was done they would call to come check the house. So i did everything i was supposed to.Installed a ton of smoke alarms ,carbon monnoxide...spent a ton.Well 2 weeks went by and no call. I know my background check is 100% clean. The foster mom she is with now informed me yesterday dss called and said pack her up. We are moving her an hour away. And that was it. No call to me or anything. Is this how it normally goes because i am very upset? I do not know if i should stay involved with them and try for a different child or not. I can not keep going through this. They told the foster mom that there is a huge adoption waiting list and putting me on top is not fair. I dont understand why they would even bother with background check if that was the case and why they were not honest from day 1. Has anyone else ever been through anything like this or is it an easy process?
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  #2  
January 30th, 2009, 06:43 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
Honey, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. My hubby and I are going through the process to adopt an older foster child (age 7-9) whose parental rights have already been terminated. We've turned in our paperwork and we start the classes next week but we won't begin meeting children until we are officially on the approved list. I can't imagine what it would be like to fall in love with a child first and then have to wade through everything else. I truly believe, however, that people are called to do this. I know your heart is broken but if you feel this is your path, I will be hoping and praying that it will all work out for you.

to our board, btw. Everyone here is very kind and there are quite a few ladies who have been there, done that, who will probably be a lot more helpful than I am.

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Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

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  #3  
January 30th, 2009, 07:10 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 13
Quote:
Honey, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. My hubby and I are going through the process to adopt an older foster child (age 7-9) whose parental rights have already been terminated. We've turned in our paperwork and we start the classes next week but we won't begin meeting children until we are officially on the approved list. I can't imagine what it would be like to fall in love with a child first and then have to wade through everything else. I truly believe, however, that people are called to do this. I know your heart is broken but if you feel this is your path, I will be hoping and praying that it will all work out for you.

to our board, btw. Everyone here is very kind and there are quite a few ladies who have been there, done that, who will probably be a lot more helpful than I am.

[/b]

If you dont mind me asking..are you going through dss? And how do you even start an adoption process? And did you get to choose a 7-9 year olod with tpr? Sorry this is all new to me..So i could say a 1-3 year old with terminated rights? And they find matches?
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  #4  
January 31st, 2009, 02:28 PM
mswordwiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: ATL
Posts: 1,902
Our first 2 came to us as emergency placements for foster care from our local DFACS (DSS) office. We told them we wanted kids 4-8 and preferably siblings. We got our wish!!!
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  #5  
January 31st, 2009, 06:03 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
Quote:
If you dont mind me asking..are you going through dss? And how do you even start an adoption process? And did you get to choose a 7-9 year olod with tpr? Sorry this is all new to me..So i could say a 1-3 year old with terminated rights? And they find matches?[/b]
Don't apologize for asking questions!! I'm happy to help in any way that I can, hon.

Yes, we are going through DSS. We called our state's 1.800 adoption number and they put us in touch with the woman in charge of the adoption of children with TPR. We live in VA and this is what I know about the process so far:
  • terminating a parent's rights may take, on average, 1.5 to 3 years
  • there are several DSS programs (i.e. foster care, foster-to-adopt and adoption of children with TPR
  • the average age of a child (again, in VA) with TPR is 8 years of age
Once we were put in touch with a social worker, she scheduled us for our Resource classes. These are parenting classes and they go by different names in different states. For us, it's four hours a night, one night a week for six weeks and these classes are required no matter which path you choose.

We have turned in an enormous packet of paperwork (for us, 25 pages of typed essay questions (each) about our childhood and our marriage, a copy of our marriage license, copies of our driving records, copies of paperwork our general physician filled out after we each went in for physicals, copies of lab work done to show we don't have TB or syphilis and also, a list of four references (each)). We have city water so we didn't have to have our water tested. They still have to come out and inspect our home sometime in the next few weeks (looking for the smoke detectors and other safety issues, etc.). Then there are the private one-on-one interviews with the social worker to expand upon your essay questions and determine which child would be a good match for your home.

I know that looks like a lot (and it is) but for me, each step feels like progress. After years of infertility and loss, it's nice to have a plan and it doesn't hurt that our social worker has been so supportive along the way. I wish you the best of luck on your journey, hon, and again, do not hesitate to ask questions. Someone recommended that I read the Idiot's Guide to Adoption at the very outset of this adventure and I've found that was very helpful in the beginning when we were still deciding which path to take.

Please keep us posted!! We're here for you!
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Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

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  #6  
February 2nd, 2009, 02:20 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
How it is supposed to go? No. How it does go too much of the time, yes, unfortuantly. I'm Beth, foster mom to one amazing little man who I very much hope to adopt one day soon. But I do realize that he isn't 'technically' mine until the ink is dry where the judge signed the adoption orders.

I hope that you will continue in the process to adopt however you decide to do it. It is hard, but it can be done!
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