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My daughters birth mother


Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
February 14th, 2009, 07:55 PM
Dacontay4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My daughter's birth mom sent us a letter a few weeks ago saying she made a mistake signing away her rights, and asking if she could regain some contact with Mady. We responded back with no, she could not, she signed away all rights, and especially after what she's put Mady through we weren't going to consider it. She didn't respond for awhile but we got an email from her today asking if her and I could at least meet to discuss the options. She has NO legal rights, Mady is legally MY daughter, and she hasn't even seen Mady in over a year. She says she realizes she's made mistakes, she misses her daughter, and wants a relationship with her. But it's too late for that! She abandoned her child when she needed her mom most, and then never bothered even trying to check up on how she's doing. Mady thinks her bm hates her, but she's finally moving past that with realizing she doesn't need her old mom, she has a mom that loves her. Mady doesn't knwo that her bm has been contacting us, and i don't plan to let her know. She's been going through a ton of counseling to overcome all she's been through and we've finally been making some progress. Is it wrong for me to want Mady's BM to get out of our lives and stay out, forever? I'm just so annoyed with this woman!!!!
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  #2  
February 14th, 2009, 08:10 PM
BensMom's Avatar Ephesians 4:29
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I don't know the story with her BM. Would you mind sharing?

If she wants contact, I think she should wait until Mady's 18. Let her decide for herself if she wants to see her BM again. Children are fragile. They need stability. I don't know what happened, but it's probably best to continue keeping the letters a secret.
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  #3  
February 14th, 2009, 08:59 PM
Dacontay4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah, sorry, for some reason I was thinking I had shared it, but I realize I haven't lol.

Mady's my biological niece, my brothers her dad, the two of them were in a car accident November/07. Mady escaped with a broken arm and the memories of the wreck; they had to cut my brothers leg off to get him out, and he was in a coma for 2 months. Mady's BM blamed her for the car accident, because they never would have been in the car if not for her. Mady spent the next few weeks with me, and a few weeks after the accident, BM took Mady and left. Apparently Mady gave BM a very hard time over the next 2 weeks, because 2 days before Christmas, she dropped mady off on my doorstep...just dropped her off, said she was too much trouble, and walked away, and we didn't hear from her again, until a few weeks after my brother died, and she showed up and signed away all rights to Mady. From what I've learned from Mady, even before the accident she wasn't a good mother. Among other things, she "homeschooled" Mady, but didn't bother to actually teach her, and she would leave Mady home alone all day long consistently.

Quote:
I don't know the story with her BM. Would you mind sharing?

If she wants contact, I think she should wait until Mady's 18. Let her decide for herself if she wants to see her BM again. Children are fragile. They need stability. I don't know what happened, but it's probably best to continue keeping the letters a secret.[/b]
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ALEX
Wifey to David. Mommy to Mady, Connor, Taylor, Grier, Chandler, Evalyn and Bryce
2 sweet angels born straight into Jesus' arms:
Mason Charles (1/3/05) and Kaydence Faith (4/30/10)

Check out my blog at
http://davealy.blogspot.com



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  #4  
February 15th, 2009, 06:49 AM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am sorry that you are going through this. I would consult a lawyer before you continue to have contact with your daughter's BM.
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  #5  
February 15th, 2009, 08:46 AM
mswordwiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
I am sorry that you are going through this. I would consult a lawyer before you continue to have contact with your daughter's BM.[/b]
Ditto!

I don't think shes got a leg to stand on, but you don't go playing head games with a kid.
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  #6  
February 15th, 2009, 01:12 PM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was thinking about this thread today and wanted to add one more thing.
There are a lot of studies which show that adopted children benefit from a relationship with the birth mother. Assuming she is mentally stable, there might be a positive outcome to allow your child to see the birthmother. It might be worth talking to a social worker.
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  #7  
February 16th, 2009, 07:21 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You said your daughter has been in therapy, I would speak with her therapist and see what s/he thinks. I certainly wouldn't want to put your daughter through more undue pain, but she may be ready to speak with her birth mother. It may benefit her in the long run to know she is safe and in her loving forever home, but she also has this other person who, though she made mistakes still wants to know her. I don't think a lawyer is necessary, only because she has been adopted and therefore is only your child at this point. But I would speak to her therapist.

Oh and I was thinking if she isn't ready perhaps you could ask birth mother to write her a letter to be given to her later when she is ready.
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  #8  
March 23rd, 2009, 10:20 AM
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i think that you should me with her, and if you believe her intensions are good and she will be there for mady permanently allow it. My sister's father walked in and out of her life and she hates him with a passion. If she walks in and out mady would dislike her more for doing that then waiting until she is older.

hope my advice helps and you make the best decision
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  #10  
April 10th, 2009, 07:37 AM
LadyLacy's Avatar Super Mommy
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agreeing w/Beth
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