Log In Sign Up

Meeting Tomorrow Morning


Forum: Adoption

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Adoption LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
July 1st, 2009, 05:15 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
Ladies, we have a meeting with a social worker and an advocate for an 8 year old little boy in foster care bright and early tomorrow morning and we have absolutely no idea what to expect. We've never gotten this far before and surprisingly, it's happening pretty quickly. They contacted us about him on Friday and we had his file summary by the end of the day. We're not a fan of judging a child by their file alone so on Monday we asked to speak with those who know him IRL and within 24 hours, they'd set this meeting up for us. I'm a little bit excited and a lot bit terrified.

What sort of questions should we ask? What should we expect them to ask us? Help!
__________________
Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

Reply With Quote
  #2  
July 2nd, 2009, 04:28 AM
mswordwiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: ATL
Posts: 1,902
Ask about behavior issues, what does the child like, what does he dislike, how many foster families has he been placed with. Are parental rights terminated (this makes your process to adopt if you so choose a lot easier!), any educational issues?

If your speaking with his current fosters, ask them why they are not pursuing adoption.... Some families only want to be fosters, some are willing to take that step and others are not.
__________________
And now there are 6....
Traci 14
Leigh 9
Brandon 6
Suzanne (1-18-2009)
Kyle & Luke (1-22-2009)

"Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2008

Another day, another 72% for the same work, different pay......
Reply With Quote
  #3  
July 3rd, 2009, 06:38 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
How did it go, Jessa?
__________________
VIEW MY BLOG



Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
July 3rd, 2009, 09:58 AM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
Ladies, I don't really know how it went yet. They have asked us to let them know if we can take custody on Monday. It's all happening very quickly and we are trying to make absolutely sure that we are ready to jump in and commit 110% to this little boy whom we haven't even met yet. We would be changing our status to 'foster-to-adopt' to make this work and for those of you who have done this (taken in a child you've never met), I have the utmost respect for you. Any advice is sincerely welcome.

I just don't want to fail this little boy.
__________________
Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

Reply With Quote
  #5  
July 3rd, 2009, 03:13 PM
BensMom's Avatar Ephesians 4:29
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The Lonestar State
Posts: 50,214
WOW! That IS fast! I have no advice. I've never been in your situation. I wish you the best, though. What did you end up asking? Were your questions answered?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 4th, 2009, 03:05 AM
mswordwiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: ATL
Posts: 1,902
My first question is if you do work, can you adjust your schedule to be off for at least 3-4 weeks to get him used to your household? This includes trial runs with your child care if you do decide to go back to work. Does he have any behavior issues? I am so excited for you!!!

There is a reason its called foster to adopt. It is a trial run for the all of you to see if this is a good permanent fit.

When I first saw this last evening I asked my teen if she had advice for you (we are her 9th and final home). Her advice is don't overwhelm with gifts and toys because some kids are distrusting. take it slow. Be firm but fair explain consequences, as little boys are not mind readers.. Don't be afraid to ask for help!!
__________________
And now there are 6....
Traci 14
Leigh 9
Brandon 6
Suzanne (1-18-2009)
Kyle & Luke (1-22-2009)

"Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2008

Another day, another 72% for the same work, different pay......
Reply With Quote
  #7  
July 4th, 2009, 05:27 PM
brandimomof2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 2,413
You are not aloud to meet the child first before you make your decision? That seems odd but I have not gotten that far yet. We go to the info meeting in a week and half. We have not even gotten an info packet yet. I guess they take forever to mail those out.

Hope everything works out for you.
__________________















Reply With Quote
  #8  
July 4th, 2009, 09:05 PM
BensMom's Avatar Ephesians 4:29
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The Lonestar State
Posts: 50,214
It seems odd to me in a sense, but putting myself in a child's shoes, would I really want family after family to look at me and pass me over for another child? Talk about a self-esteem problem...!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
July 5th, 2009, 10:46 AM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
I apologize for the confusion. It's not that we're not allowed to meet him, there just isn't time. His last set of foster parents were approved as foster-to-adopt and they took in this little boy last year with a verbal agreement to work towards adoption. Last weekend they told his advocate that they never had the intention of adopting him, or any child, and while he was welcome to stay with them until he was 18, they would never consider giving him their last name. The next day they called DSS and gave them a matter of hours to remove him from the home. He's been in respite care this week and that ends on Monday.

So since we had expressed an interest in beginning visits to move toward adoption, they've asked us to step up and be his next foster family first. As of right now, we plan to agree to this arrangement.

Nay, thank you for the helpful advice. Please thank Traci for us, as well. Overwhelming this poor little guy is the last thing we want to do. And I think you're right, I need to take some time off so that we can all settle in. I have a meeting tomorrow with HR to see what I can work out (I'm not sure what they pay, if anything, while you're out on leave) but fortunately my boss is already aware of the situation and my job is as secure as it can be these days.

I'm still overwhelmed but I'm feeling much better than I did Thursday night. I think we can do this; I think we just need to jump in and do the very best that we can and pray that it works out. Thanks to all of you for listening. It means a lot!
__________________
Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

Reply With Quote
  #10  
July 5th, 2009, 12:25 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Foster to adopt is always that way. Well, almost always. You don't meet them first... they just move in. So this is very typical for a foster to adopt case. It's not as typical for those wanting to straight adopt, but as Jessa has found out it definitely happens.

I'm so happy for you!! It's so exciting!

As Nay said, I'd be very clear up front about what is expected. If you want him to do something be very specific about it. Let him know up front if there are any hard and fast house rules. Like if you don't want him to go into your bedroom, or outside without asking first. Be consistent too. Don't let things slide that you don't want to continue. But be very fair about your corrections too. Remember he hasn't lived in your house and doesn't know your rules at all.

Give him control over some things that he should have control over. Make it a big deal. That way as he searches for his place he'll not feel smothered or anything.

Allow him to talk to you. Make it well known that you are available to listen anytime (or whatever time).

Otherwise have a great time! Enjoy it! Don't stress over being perfect or "what is he thinking of us".

I wish you guys the best! I can't wait to hear stories about it all!
__________________
VIEW MY BLOG



Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
July 5th, 2009, 01:21 PM
brandimomof2's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 2,413
I see. I thought you were having to decide if you wanted to adopt him without meeting him. Its great you get to foster him first before you make that final decision.

Have a great time!!!
__________________















Reply With Quote
  #12  
July 5th, 2009, 06:58 PM
mswordwiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: ATL
Posts: 1,902
I think that's a very crappy thing to do to a little kid, is to say yes you are on the foster to adopt track, and then you don't follow through.... I feel for that little guy, especially after hearing what my teenybopper went through...

I am very very very excited for you, and usually the kids appear w/out a meet and get to know you session. Keep us posted!!!!
__________________
And now there are 6....
Traci 14
Leigh 9
Brandon 6
Suzanne (1-18-2009)
Kyle & Luke (1-22-2009)

"Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2008

Another day, another 72% for the same work, different pay......
Reply With Quote
  #13  
July 6th, 2009, 01:25 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
Thank you so much for the support, ladies! You have no idea how much it has meant to me these past few days, to come here and talk to women who've BTDT and survived.

In other news... this little boy will be living with us by end of day Friday.
__________________
Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

Reply With Quote
  #14  
July 6th, 2009, 03:48 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 3,120
Send a message via MSN to MomtoAnnaLise
Congratulations! I hope everything goes smoothly from here on out
__________________
Mom to Anna Lise- Born 7/17/07
Missing Cleo, my greyhound girl, crossed the rainbow bridge 3/4/11
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:18 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0