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I just found out today that I am pregnant, and haven't had a whole lot of time to put thought into everything, still in shock.
I live with the father of my child but we are not married. For reasons I'd rather not disclose I'm considering finding adoptive parents for my child, but need help with the process.
My big hangup about adoptions is that I want to be very involved with picking the right parents, and I want them to meet certain criteria. Is this possible? Are there any agencies that offer helping find potential parents that go through a screening process first-- and not just THEIR screening process? It is very important for me to find parents I think are suitable for raising my child if I do give my child up for adoption.
I don't want anyone to tell me adoption is a selfless thing or that I would be helping other families. Really, I don't. I just would like some advice on an agency or path to take that would help me decide if this is right for me.
I am not positive, but I think that you get to look at profiles of the adoptive parents and choose. The ladies on the birth mother board might be able to help a little more with a definite answer. You could also do what the birth mother of my daughter did and pick someone you know personally so you know for sure what kind of person they are. Of course, you may not want to do that either, it was just a suggestion. (((HUGS))) Good luck with whatever you decide.
One of my best friends recently gave her twins up for adoption. She decided early in her pregnancy. She chose a local Christian agency. They had many profiles of families waiting, and her agency parted them down based on what she told them she wanted. Then she looked through them and chose. That family then was able to be a part of the whole process. She had complete control over how much they were part and such. They agreed on an open adoption and she keeps close contact with them.
I saw your post so I decided to reply.
You are in complete control of the type of adoptive parents you choose for your child. You can go through an agency and view waiting parent profiles, find adoptive parents online or on your own through other methods. There are so many waiting families out there hoping to give a child a safe, loving, stable home.
My husband and I are one such couple.
It can be easy to become overwhelmed, but in time the right adoptive parents can be found. Even though I know that I won't have all the answers in this journey, I make an upfront promise to be open and honest from the get-go. Besides, what else does one have but their word? ;-)
I would like to take the opportunity to present a little glimpse into our lives for your consideration. I realize that you have probably already been bombarded with profiles and messages so far. I can only hope that you will see something here to continue our conversations and perhaps choose us as parents for your child.
I always find it so hard deciding what to say in letters like this. How does one balance the fear, the excitement, and the trepidation all at once? Emotions are funny that way. We find ourselves looking at opposite sides of the same coin. Both approaching it with a mixed bag of every up and down emotion that there is. I suppose the only way through it is to be as open and honest as possible without allowing all the uncertainites get in the way.
Over the past year we have already experienced two failed matches. We're already homestudy approved and just waiting for the right birthfamily to help complete our family. Sean and I have been capable and loving partners for many years now without the blessing of children. However, we know that in our hearts that growing our family through adoption is the path that God has set out for us.
I would like to tell you a little bit about our family, our home, and what our lives are like day-to-day.
Our names are Sean and Crystal. We have been together for 15 years, married for 9. We've been best friends nearly all our lives. I guess it helps when you are the girl next door. ;-) It was only natural that we eventually found ourselves together as partners in crime for life. People have always commented about how well we complemented each other. He is the yin to my yang. I cannot imagine a more giving, loving, capable, and stable man to share my life with. He is so warm and generous that it makes my heart smile just to be near him. I think that others can see that when they meet him too.
We currently live near Charleston, SC. I followed Sean down this way to finish up my college years not long after we began dating. The long distance and forced separation just solidified the fact that we were meant to be together. Over the years we have managed to craft a happy and full life together. We built a new home in 2001, specifically with children in mind. We settled in on one of the largest lots in our neighborhood. The back of our yard is wooded. We are very close to miles of walking and bike trails, the soccer field, and the YMCA. There is even a small running creek just perfect for playful discovery. Who doesn't like chasing tadpoles?
Our home is a two-story Charleston style home with 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, and nearly 2000 square feet. When we bought it people commented about how much space it was for just the two of us. We merely grinned and said that it wasn't being bought just for 2! Little did we know that our dreams of filling this house with children would take a bit longer and entail more work than we initially thought.
We have been unable to conceive for almost 6 years now. With poly-cystic ovarian disease and impaired male factors, our odds for conception are not good. However, I will state that adoption is not our second choice. In our minds, it had always been something that we wanted to do in this life. It's something that we believe strongly in and would have attempted to adopt children regardless of our fertility problems.
Some women look at infertility as a curse or a punishment, but I try not to think that way. I think that God has blessed me in so many other ways that I must see the bright side even to this. I can see His fingerprints all over my life. I have heard His promise that I will be a mother, in His time of course. Although it's a hard burden to bear, we have faith that things will work out for us.
I am excited about all the joys and benefits adoption can bring to our family.
It's not just about having a child that we've dreamed about delivered into our arms, but rather being gifted with an entire new life and all the people that will come into it. I like to look at it this way: adopting gives us a new branch to our family that would have never been available to us without having had the experience. That in and of itself is all the more reason to do it. In fact, I heartily look forward to having that type of relationship with our birthfamily. Open adoption truly is a gift. Just like any relationship I am sure that it will have it's moments, the ups and downs, but I think that that's what makes life interesting and enriches the short time we have here on this Earth.
We are financially stable. Sean is the most capable provider I know. He works tirelessly to bring in extra money to fund an adoption and continue to reduce our overall debt. We're left with a mortgage and a small school loan. When I look at what we owe now, I can hardly believe the progress we've made.
Sean and I both work in the technical computer industry. We've had the luxury of working with the same company for the past 10 years. Sean is a systems administrator and computer programmer by trade. I am in the internet marketing and search engine optimization end of things. But, I would gladly hang it up to be a stay at home mom.
Sean and I both feel very strongly that we do not want our children raised in daycare. It is our job to see to parenting of our kids: not by strangers or in front of the television. We decided early on that I would stay at home. We have even tossed around the idea of homeschooling. I think it would be very the most rewarding and exciting job of all!
Currently, we have the best of both worlds. We now telecommute exclusively. There's no driving into the office anymore. So long as we have access to a computer, broadband access, and cell phones we can pretty much work anywhere. This has been nice because it gives us the opportunity to visit our family in the upstate of SC more frequently. The majority of my family lives there, while the largest segment of Sean's live in Charleston. By having the ability to telecommute, we can stay with my mom for a week or two whenever we feel like it.
We also own a home - right next door to my parents- in the upstate. It's the home Sean grew up in. We didn't intend to buy it initially, but the opportunity unexpected came up. There are lots of benefits to having a second home close to my family.
At the moment it is in renovation mode. We had a water leak and it caused alot of damage. It was made even more unfortunate because we had already made major strides in getting it back in shape. Now, we have to start all over. :-( But I have faith that we'll get it back together eventually.
My younger sister and brother in law live right around the corner. They just welcomed their first child, a boy in early August. It was hard hearing the news of her pregnancy on Christmas Day. But, it is a magnificent blessing as well. She has severe endometrieosis that caused fertility issues. I am just happy that both mother and baby are doing well.
My younger brother just finished up college with a degree in Business Administration. He's found a really great girl that we're hoping he makes a permanent addition to the family as well.
Sean's mom and sister live in the upstate. We love to spend time with our two neices and our nephew whenever we can. Sean's dad lives just a few miles down the road from our house in Charleston. We frequently spend time with him as well. We also spend alot of time with his aunts, uncles and three cousins. Plus, we have a great group of close friends that are dying to babysit for us...at least that's what they tell us now. ;-)
As far as critters go, we have a dog named Meko. She's a 7 year old Maltese - and naturally, spoiled rotten. If I had my way, our home would be filled with kids and animals. I've always been an animal lover, just like my dad. Between the both of us we've had just about every imaginable type of critter that there is. I haven't met anything furry that I didn't like.
Wow! I can't believe that I've already written so much. I hope that I haven't bored you so far. I know that it's alot to take in - but even so, this barely scratches the surface of who we are and what we believe that we can offer the children we hope to have someday.
If you're interested in reading a little more about us, we have an adoption website located at ourfamilyadoption(dot)net
You can read a little more about us and see some pictures of us, some of the family and our little doggie. However, you will have to excuse some of the mess. We hadn't released the website out into the world at large just yet because it still needs some work. It's funny that we're in the website business and our own website needs some help. I guess it's a case of "the cobbler's kids wear no shoes". The main pic is just a quick placeholder snapshot of us (and not the best one either), the cell phone number listed is no longer active, and the contact us form isn't up yet.I hope you don't hold it against us. :-)
I recently put together an adoption montage video. I can email you the link if you'd like, as I can't post it in this reply.
If you'd like to chat with us further, I am available via email at crystal(at)ourfamilyadoption(dot)net Just let me know if you'd like to chat further.
I believe in my heart that you will find the perfect family for this baby should adoption be your ultimate choice. That may or may not be us, but in the end it's not really up to us. It is all "in God's hands" - to quote my mom's favorite phrase. We are very eager to become parents. We've built this wonderful life together over the last 15 years. I cannot imagine not sharing it with a kid or two.
I realize that this is a very difficult decision to make and not one to be taken lightly, other either side of the table. Please know that we will keep you gently in our thoughts and prayers throughout this process.
If I can answer any questions or clarify anything at all, please don't hesitate to drop me an email. I will be happy to discuss anything - I promise that I will even answer the hard stuff.
Take care of yourself in the meantime and I hope to hear from you again soon.