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Coincidence or Act of God?


Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
September 20th, 2009, 05:05 AM
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This past week has been tough for us, but we're hanging tight. Our certification worker told us that fostering with possibility to adopt is about the only route to get a young child. I was heart broken but started to accept the fact. Then, I checked the SNAP website yesterday because I had this unusual feeling come over me that made me think it was necesary and then low and behold, little **D** was back on the site after a disruption from prior placement. He is going to be 6 this November and an absolute beautiful child. He seems like he's a bit slow mentally/developmentally, but I don't mind. Just needs extra love and help, thats all. I feel very sad for him for the disruption but am so happy we finish classes in 2.5 weeks and have a good possibilty to bring him home...why am I so adament that it's an Act of God? This is the child that made me decide to continue on from inquiring about adoption and lead me to the PS-MAPP program...from the time I saw his face I knew he was meant for our family
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  #2  
September 21st, 2009, 03:37 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow, poor little guy! I sure hope his forever home is found VERY soon. I'm not sure about God allowing him to be disrupted just so you can have him, but I certainly think God can use what is a horribly tragic situation to the BEST.
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  #3  
September 21st, 2009, 10:35 AM
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Oops, didn't mean it to sound like that. I am just over-joyed because I knew from the moment I saw him that he was meant to be our child. I don't know why, but I just knew. Then as we are finishing up our training he magically pops back up for adoption. I receieved an e-mail from his worker this morning. He has severe developmental delays, he's a head banger, bites and pulls hair. Looking at his picture I knew he seemed to be at the developmental age of a 2-3 year old. So I'm not shocked by the behaviors. I am more shocked that they said he would never be able to live independently. He's only 5 and he's had numerousdisruptions because they bit so and so's child, I just can't take it...blah, blah, blah. He may be dev. challenged but I can see he certainly can be helped. It seems like the workers in my area put some children into the "lost cause" category when placing them in adoptive homes becomes challenging. I hate it for him, and really think we could give him a great home. I stay at home and take college courses via the internet and do errands for my father's business. So I would be home with him almost all the time. We have no other children so we'd only have to deal with the biting and hair pulling when he's around children outside of the home. Anyone deal with these issues in a foster or adopted child?
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  #4  
September 21st, 2009, 02:24 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My fson bangs his head and pulls hair. He is not a biter.

They are hard to change, but completely possible. I find things they do to themselves the hardest to change. Like banging his head... I'm still not sure how to make him totally quit that. I would bet those aren't his only issues. It sounds like your home would be a great one since he wouldn't have to be in daycare too much if at all (which he might get kicked out of for the biting and such). And you have a lot of time to focus on him. You would have to be sure that you took time for yourself and had support people who are willing to take a challenging child for a day or so for you. That way you and your husband have time to be a couple too (something too many forget when they have children and even easier when you have a challenging child).

Did the worker seem to think you might be a good match as well?

Wish you guys the best!!
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  #5  
September 21st, 2009, 07:34 PM
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I just started the initial contact process with his social worker, but both his and ours seems to think it's could very possibly be the right match for the child. We also have a very good support group. Hubby has an uncle that is severely autistic so his mother and aunt and all of his family know exactly what to expect. My parents are also very open and willing to learn how to work him if we are approved to adopt him. Since I have been planning to be a SAHM, I never even thought about the problems that could arise if the daycare route was taken. I personally hate the idea of having strangers caring for my child all day. Several local daycares of been shut down for abuse and neglect. They have since then re-opened...eh, I hate how they get off charges so easily. But that's a separate discussion all together From what I have heard about him though he seems to have a very mild form if it is indeed truly autism. I really hate that the foster parents have not had him evaluated and put into therapy yet for his issues. So I know if we bring him home the first few months will be spent getting him help and care he deserves to manage him behaviors, and better yet, understand them.
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  #6  
September 21st, 2009, 08:21 PM
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Hi, hon. I apologize for jumping into your conversation so late. My DS keeps me running all day and my sorry butt tends to crash after tucking him in at night.

I just wanted to say our little guy has had 40+ placements and because of that, DH and I asked for a few things up front. One was a full assessment by our state's Child Development Clinic - mainly to reevaluate EVERY SINGLE diagnosis he's ever had. This assessment is expensive and it takes months to get an appointment (mostly because it's 8 hours of testing by a variety of physicians and the fact that he only has Medicaid doesn't help anything) but we know it's necessary. We also insisted upon 6 months of "in-home therapy" and 6 months of weekly sessions with an attachment specialist, whom we chose up front. (You want to talk about God intervening on behalf of a child - this specialist hasn't taken on a new case in two years and she does NOT accept Medicaid. We met her at one of our foster classes and when I called her, sobbing, about our little guy and his need for an emergency placement and how absolutely overwhelmed and underprepared we knew we were, she literally said she 'felt led by God to help us' make this work. I believe God has a special place in his heart for these children and if He can use us to help them, He will.)

I also want to say that of all of the diagnosis that DH and I (and now his attachment therapist, in-home therapist and caseworker) no longer believe our little guy has (such as ODD and RAD), we are very glad that he is currently medicated for ADHD. I'm not sure he really has ADHD but I know he has PTSD (how could he not?) and the treatment for both is practically the same. Either way, the meds seem to help him control his impulses to harm himself when he's upset (and honey, we'll take all of the help we can get). Since he's been with us, I've joined/mostly lurked on the ADHD board here on JM and there are plenty of mothers there who talk about their child banging their heads when they're overwhelmed. Also, I have relatives who are borderline Autistic (or who have Autism Spectrum disorders) and they've done well with therapy, too.

I wish you nothing but the best, hon, no matter how things turn out with this little guy. You quite obviously have a great big, open heart and your child will be lucky to call you Mom.



Edited to add: DH and I got all of this in writing in the placement agreement. Always get it in writing. Good Luck!
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Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.


Last edited by Jessa78; September 21st, 2009 at 08:24 PM.
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  #7  
September 22nd, 2009, 12:13 PM
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Thank you very much, Jessa. I've always been a bit weird I guess. Since I was 5-6 and could grasp the concept that animals needed homes too I've been taking in animals. Sickly turtles, baby rabbits, etc. My grandmother supported me very much in caring for them on top of orphaned puppies and kittens. She lived next door to us growing up and it was out in the country. Even to this day when I pick a pet I look for the "one that will be least likely to be adopted", and I've always ended up with the best that anyone could hope for. I believe now that it was God preparing me for this role in life.
My hubby also has a disability. He was born without a rectum and has a colostomy. When we dated he was very shy and self concious about his disability but I've never minded it. I think we'll be good candidates for **D**
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  #8  
September 24th, 2009, 07:00 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Lynchburg, VA
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You're going to be a most excellent Mom. Don't give up! It sounds like you were truly meant for this. I'll be keeping you and yours in my T&P, hon. Please KUP!
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Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

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