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My name is Laura. My husband is named Steve. We had identical twin girls at 28 weeks due to me having HELLP Syndrome. Madison was born with a Left Sided Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. She passed away after a 5 month NICU stay. McKenzie is now 2 1/2 and is perfectly healthy. I still do not feel like our family is complete. I would be a very high risk pregnancy for a lot of reasons. I know I am not ready to adopt tomorrow because I still have to work through my grief. How did you guys get to the point where you felt like you wanted to adopt? I just have a lot of questions. Any advice appreciated.
Welcome to the board!
Before you start thinking about adoption I would wait until you've grieved the loss of your daughter. Im so incredibly sorry for what you've been through.
After you feel ready to make a big life decision, talk to your husband about it and google adoption. See if your intrested in domestic or international. Gather some information and be informed before you make a decision.
I think we've talked about my story, but I'll tell it here so others can read it too.
I always knew I wanted to foster and adopt. It really wasn't a question to me as I grew up wanting it. But I always wanted my biological family first. I wanted to have 2-3 kids naturally and then adopt one or two more. Then Sarah Beth was born so early and so sick that I feared we'd lose her. If we didn't lose her I was SO sure at the time that I could never do it again. Then we "accidentally" got pregnant with Bryan Luke. When he died I decided very quickly I could never go through that pain again. I know you understand.
Then a few months later, after working through our grief (of course, that's an ongoing process) DH came to me and said he'd like to look into the foster system. We started the paperwork the next day. As we went through the classes, they brought a lot more grief to the surface. DH and I realized that the grief we felt was very similar to the grief these kids felt. Losing someone you love is a very real thing to these kids. We spent a lot of time crying. A lot of time worrying that we'd never be able to love a child as much as we loved our Bryan Luke and Sarah Beth. And even more time wondering if we were somehow trying to "replace" Bryan Luke.
In the end we came to the conclusion that we had to answers to why we couldn't seem to have natural children easily. We knew that in all things there are no guarentees and perhaps that is even more true in having children. We decided that we could help these children and they could help us too. And we were willing to say goodbye again if it came to that. Whatever was given to us... however much time, we'd cherish it and put our whole selves into it and the rest we'd leave up to God.
We've said goodbye to numerous foster children over these past couple of years. Most only stayed with us a few days. Our Lil Buddy is still in limbo... not knowing if he'll stay or leave, but it is almost easier to know what might happen then to just lose someone without that previous knowledge (like Bryan Luke).
I don't really know if that makes sense at all. But I hope it does a bit.