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Older child adoption


Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
May 13th, 2010, 10:46 AM
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I have a few questions about older child adoption.. Sorry for all of my questions, btw!
  1. What age is considered an "older child?"
  2. I have heard that many older children don't want to be adopted, is that true?
  3. Has anyone adopted an older child? What has the experience been like for your family?

I am so sorry for coming here and bombarding everyone with questions. I am trying to understand the process and get as much information as possible.
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  #2  
May 13th, 2010, 10:53 AM
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Don't be sorry! I actually haven't thought of some of the questions you did, so I'm learning when somebody answers your questions.
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  #3  
May 13th, 2010, 11:07 AM
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I'm glad to hear that
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  #4  
May 13th, 2010, 03:38 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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First, don't be sorry at all! Questions are WELCOMED!
  1. What age is considered an "older child?" Really any child older than newborn is "older child." It depends on where you are and what agency/route you are going through. As a foster parent, I have had children as old as 8 in my home (I'm not willing to take older than that). But the boy we want to adopt has been in our home since he was 16 months old. Here, he is considered an "older child."
  2. I have heard that many older children don't want to be adopted, is that true? Not necessarily. The issues come in with them not knowing what they want. The kids who know their parents almost always want to be with them. It really doesn't matter what their parents did to them, they are still their parents. So it takes some time for them to want to bond with anyone else. Some kids are harder than others for this process to happen. It is very important to educate yourself before starting the process of adopting an older child.
    There are MANY more older children waiting to be adopted than babies. Many have been in the system for a LONG time. They need homes. They need stability. They need patience. It isn't for everyone, but those who choose this route are blessed.
  3. Has anyone adopted an older child? What has the experience been like for your family? We've had a few members here and there who have adopted or are in the process of adopting older children. As I said, my son is considered "older" even though he is only 3 now. Our foster children who are older and in school and can talk and such are more what I consider "older." Those kids have a LOT of questions. Behavior issues happen from time to time, but structure and patience and creativity can help with those. We have heard many stories about what happened at "home" that I could have lived without hearing. But those kids needed to be heard. To hear it wasn't ok for things like that to happen to anyone, especially kids.
I'm not sure I completely answered you, but hopefully I did a bit.

One great book on adopting older children is called "Adopting the Hurt Child."
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  #5  
May 13th, 2010, 08:32 PM
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You did help a lot, thank you very much
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  #6  
May 14th, 2010, 12:18 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We adopted newborn twins and then their 21 month old sister. Honestly, despite having to deal with two newborns at once, the twins were easier to integrate into our family than the 21 month old. She had come with many many bad habits and bad parenting techniques that we're still trying to break 5 months later. If I had the choice, I'd rather take a child under 18 months, but sometimes you don't get that choice
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  #7  
May 14th, 2010, 04:24 PM
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That is one of our fears about adopting an older child. My dh is pretty apprehensive about adoption to begin with (the reason we haven't moved forward yet) and he is even more afraid of adopting a child with habits we may need to break. I can imagine the older the child the harder that will be.

Thank you very much for your replies. I feel like I can ask a question and not be judged here! I love that
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  #8  
May 14th, 2010, 08:17 PM
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Thank you for the answers; it answered some questions that I had. I'll be looking into the book that was reccomended earlier in this thread, I'll be looking into adoptiing from a foreign country I know that the children are almost always "older" children.
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Thank you to the wonderful ladies who mad the blinkies!

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude..... These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are percisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character and increase our compassion for others."
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  #9  
May 15th, 2010, 10:26 AM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Another great book is called "The Weavers Craft" (I think). It discusses adopting older children. It is an art and takes a special parent.
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  #10  
May 15th, 2010, 06:55 PM
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Thank you for the suggestion! I am going to have a long list to check out
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