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So, DH and I have met with an international agency. After a lot of praying and talking I think we are leaning towards domestic adoption. INternational is going to cost upwards of $50K, reguire us to spend about 2 months total (2 trips) out of country, and we will not get a newborn but more realistically a 3 or 4 year old. Not to mention the 1 year to complete paper work plus 18 to 2 year wait after that. I just feel that I need a newborn child. Plus we have been talking about semi-open adoption. With international adoption you have no way of contacting the Bparents. I don't feel comfortable about that. I want my child to have the opportunity to contact their Bfamily in the future if they want. At the same time I have some hesitation about having the bparents remain a part (even if through the agency) of our child's life. I know that it very selfish though.
Does anyone else have contact with the bparents? How is your relationship? Would you change anything? Do you feel like they are looking over your shoulder?
Our relationship is very limited. I send pictures and updates about 2 times each year. They never contact us anymore. They live about 8 hours away from us, so it is unlikely that we'll ever meet up in public anywhere. I like knowing where they are and such so that he can contact them later if he wants.
One of my best friends allowed a couple to adopt her twins about a year ago. She gets email updates and pictures very frequently. The girls' parents wanted her to know them. They don't live close at all, completely different states, so again, it is unlikely that they'll meet up in public. Though they have talked about meeting at a neutral location much later in the girls' lives to see each other if they girls' want that.
I think it is very important to keep the child's past a part of their lives. However you can do that, even if you don't have contact with their bio family. So if you do go international, you can always do things that correlate with their heritage.