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We're an alternative family (lesbian) living in TN... We have two teens that we are almost done finalizing their adoptions (from system)...
I'd love to get advice from other BTDT families who have adopted teens. Our son (15) has been diagnosed with ODD, MD, PTSD, Social Anxiety, and possible Bipolar... Our daughter has been diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar... Both teens have attachment issues (meaning they are literally attached to our hips when we go out, and have trouble forming healthy attachments and relationships with peers their own age. Both teens come from abusive and neglectful homes prior to being placed with us...
We don't have a large support group being as we are new to TN, but we do have a great support group with family and friends from out of state.
Anyone got any advice or words of wisdom they'd like to share?
Welcome! I'm sorry that I don't have any specific advice. I know that bonding can be so hard for our kids who have been hurt in the past in so many ways. I'm SO happy that you guys have found your children and soon they will be your forever kids!
Are they in therapy with a good therapist who knows lots about adoption/bonding issues? If you haven't found one yet, may I suggest asking your local CPS department for suggestions?
I found the website that I listed in one of the below threads called "I Was A Foster Kid" to be very helpful in understanding some of what our kids are thinking.
First off, LT's blog is absolutely amazing. I've been a reader of hers almost since the blog came out... Like her, I'm also a "victim" of the foster care system and went through many things she went through and some others she didn't... Sadly though, teens in the system are overlooked, juggled, bounced, and forgotten.
I think what makes it harder, is that our two remain in contact with their biological families, and in both cases, the members they remain in touch with are also their abusers... However, we have to allow contact (per the courts), even when the two teens themselves don't want it.
Our son was just recently hospitalized in the adolescent psychiatry hospital due to his biological mother and the constant in/our here/there of being involved in his life. He stated to the therapist that he just wanted to be done with her ... The upside is, we did get a referral to a new psychiatrist and therapist who have experience with attachment disorders and the like.
In some ways, since we are so open to the idea of open adoption, I wish that the families were in better positions to be involved in their lives. Sadly though.. it just doesn't work out that way.
Welcome! I have no experience with teens or attachment issues, just wanted to say welcome and suggest meetup.com to look for support groups in your area. Also adoption.com has some wonderful parents and a group for parents of children with attachment issues.
Hi neighbors. I'm Anna. My family is also in TN. Sorry hubby won't let me get more specific than that. He's kinda paranoid about that stuff.
We have 4 daughters. Our oldest is 14 and we just adopted our youngest at age 5. She has multiple special needs including complex PTSD.
For us, what has helped the most was finding the right pychiatrist, someone she feels safe with who is able to work well with her dispite her physical challenges. I hope this new psychiatrist will be the right match for you. Have you looked into Cognitive Behavior Therapy? It's really helping us so far.
I totally understand wanting to talk with people who've BTDT. It's been a challenge for us as well. You can always pm me if you want to talk.
Last edited by mamma_anna; April 18th, 2011 at 04:58 PM.