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How did you find bio mom for private adoption?

Forum: Adoption


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August 3rd, 2011, 04:59 AM
Hoping To Be A Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: TEXAS
Posts: 3,639
Hi all. I am new to this board, but not to JM. I am co-host of the TTC with PCOS board.

My husband and I are looking to privately adopt. After a year and 2 months of fertility treatments, two miscarriages, too much heartache to bear, and news that DH will be starting a medication for Crohn's that affects his fertility as well- we are ready to take a different route.
For those who found birth moms for private adoption, how did you go about finding them? We are just so lost on where to begin.

Thanks in advance!
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August 3rd, 2011, 05:38 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
I haven't done this, I'm a foster to adopt mommy, but I do think it is best to go through an agency. They can help you do all the paperwork, homestudy stuff, and find a bio mom. You CAN do it alone, but you still have to go through all the legal stuff and pay lawyers and stuff, so in the long run I think it is probably only a small amount cheaper to do it all by yourself.

I hope that helps! Welcome to our board. I look forward to following your journey through adoption!!!

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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August 3rd, 2011, 08:00 AM
Hoping To Be A Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: TEXAS
Posts: 3,639
Thank you very much for your reply! I am really hoping to get the ball rolling ASAP. I have been afraid to foster, because I am afraid we will fall in love with our baby and have someone come back and scoop him/her up.. Is that a misconception about fostering???
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August 3rd, 2011, 08:52 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Well, not really. But it isn't exactly like that. You can adopt through foster care and it'd be a sure thing because there are a lot of kids out there waiting to find their forever family. However, most of those kids are either special needs or older (5 years or older). It is super cheap since you don't have to pay the normal fees if you go through the state to adopt.

I do what is called foster to adopt. I take in kids who look like they will need a forever home but are not yet totally free for adoption. So there is always a possibility that they could be moved home, but honestly, I have come to the conclusion that I will have my children in my life however long I am supposed to have them. I can love them completely and give them all I can and then if I have to say goodbye it is part of life and I'll grieve and hurt and move forward again knowing a bit more. But fostering is NOT for everyone. It can't be about what we want ever. It really has to be about the kids alone, you know?

But if you are looking for a baby (newborn or close to it) and are willing to pay the fees and go through that whole process, I'd highly recommend finding a good reputable agency and going that way.

I hope that helps!!

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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August 4th, 2011, 07:07 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 19,598
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We haven't started networking yet, but are doing private adoption. We will be creating a website, handing out business cards to anyone and everyone, and will be writing a letter to send to OBs, pregnancy centers, high schools, and colleges.

Send me a PM, if you'd like. I'd love to chat with another private adoption mommy-to-be.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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August 30th, 2011, 07:01 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 5
We're with an agency for open/closed or private adoption. We've seen the significant cost reduction in going private and are very interested, but also in the same spot... how do you find a bio/birth mom if you'd like to do private.
We're waiting to get into "The Pool" for adoptive families, but if we could take the private route, we would.
Would love to chat or share support! We're looking at setting up a website, possibly 800 number, the business cards, as you said and trying to find other creative avenues...
~Wishing you the best of luck!!
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September 25th, 2011, 09:26 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,158
we found our bio parents via word of mouth--and have found four babies since then privately via the same route. There are babies out there whose parents want to do private adoptions, usually to maintain some contact-be open about it with others-nobody knows you're looking until they know you're looking. Good luck and I hope things happen smoothly for you!

Marie's five kids are now 7,5,4,4 &2!
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October 3rd, 2011, 04:10 PM
Bug-n-Ed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,520
We did a designated adoption, so we found the birth mother, but it went through the agency we were with as the birth mother was okay with that. We found her by doing "adoption pass along cards" which are essentially adoption business cards. They had our pictures, email address, blog URL, online profile hosted by our agency URL, and our caseworker's name/number. We sent them out with our Christmas cards and also passed them out to other people and left some with our checks when we'd go to restaurants, posted some on public bulletin boards, etc.

It ended up being a friend of a friend type thing. My friend was contacted by someone she used to watch their toddler about her brother's girlfriend wanting to place twins. My friend hasn't been able to have kids and so they asked her if she would be willing to adopt twins. My friend and her husband aren't in a place financially where they can adopt, so she asked me if we'd be okay with twins. I told her that we were and to pass along a card.

The birth mom told me that she wanted a good home for her girls and that she cried when she saw our picture because we looked like a good family. We met about three weeks after I heard about the situation the day after she emailed us. She told us that she was okay going through the agency even though we were fine with going through an attorney if she preferred. It all went smoothly. We keep in contact with her and the girls are now six months old.
Mommy to Brandon (8) and Edward (6)
Emma and Ellie (7 Months)

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December 27th, 2011, 09:02 PM
Keepin' it real!
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,655
We never thought we'd say this, but what are adoption cards? We do not want to pay $31,000 to an agency for a "maybe" kind of thing. Any other ways to advertise that we're interested? I haven't told anyone yet what we're considering...simply because I have always been pretty adamant we were done after 4 but these babies that I'm seeing everywhere getting hurt because no one wants them have pulled at my heartstrings. :/
Mom to many

1 Girl 2011 and 1 Boy 2013. Their family is COMPLETE!

Surrogacy # 3 for new family?: 2014??
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March 7th, 2012, 04:11 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 2
Hi! I am new to this forum, but glad to see that there are some really nice people commenting here. My husband and I have recently started the search for a bio mom. We've done the research, and just don't think that an agency is the way to go for us. So, here we are searching and networking right along with so many other really wonderful couples. I know that if it is meant to be, it will happen, but it's difficult to wait, right?

We're fortunate that we were able to have a bio child (through the miracle of fertility treatments) but I just don't want to go that route again. Of course, I'd love to have another baby. I never felt better than when I was pregnant! But, my age (43) and concern about the chemicals just won't allow me to do it. I just know that there is a baby out there for us, right!?

We've told LOTS of people that we are looking to adopt. That's how we started. I was on the fence about writing to schools and OB's, etc. I wondered how weird that might be. What exactly should we include in that letter?!

I'm also very surprised about the negativity I am reading online about people who are "trolling" for children by placing ads, etc. I honestly feel like private adoptions would be more personal and caring than agencies! Maybe I am wrong. I'm not trying to buy a baby! I am trying to find a bio mom who needs help! I hate how some of the posts can make me feel bad! Looks like this might be a good support place!
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March 9th, 2012, 08:00 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 165
My DH and I are doing Foster Adoption. Basically how our process works is that we are working with a private adoption agency that is ALSO apart of Colorado Family Services. We will be adopting a child with parental rights already terminated. We are considered "foster parents" until the adoption is completely finalized.. meaning we will get the benefits like foster parents and we can also be a respite house for other foster parents as long as we want. We plan on adopting a twin sibling group if all goes as planned.

The cost for us to this adoption is only the cost of the background check for the FBI and all the adoption fees are covered by the State. If we had done a private adoption with a birth mother the cost would have been well above 15,000K for all fees.

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