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  #1  
August 11th, 2011, 04:31 PM
meggie2685
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My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We've never used any type of BC and have never had one pregnancy. We've seen doctors and so far have been told everything looks fine. Unexplained infertility I suppose.
We are looking into adoption. My husband himself is adopted and I have always wanted to adopt myself. Just looking for any suggestions you all have. I would rather do a private adoption and not go through an agency (save some money). Thanks in advance!
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  #2  
August 12th, 2011, 06:07 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi and welcome to our board!! I know there are a few people here who are going that route. I honestly don't know a ton about it, but I'm sure Augie and a few others can give you some advise.

I know that you'll need a homestudy and a lawyer to do the paperwork for you. It depends on your state, but many places you should expect to pay medical bills and possibly food and housing bills for the expectant mother. Some places do not allow that.

Good luck! I hope your child finds you soon!

BTW, I'm Beth. I'm a foster mommy and a foster to adopt mommy. My soon to be adopted son is 4 and has been with me since he was 16 months old.
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  #3  
August 12th, 2011, 06:16 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Yep, we're doing a private adoption.

The key with a private adoption is networking. Tell EVERYONE you know/meet. Ask them to tell everyone THEY know/meet. Get business cards made up and hand them out everywhere. "Forget" them on the table at restaurants, in public bathrooms, in dressing rooms, etc. Contact OB's, high schools, colleges, pregnancy centers, planned parenthood, etc. Have an online profile available.

Are you wanting an open or closed adoption?
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  #4  
August 12th, 2011, 08:18 PM
meggie2685
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Augie View Post
Yep, we're doing a private adoption.

The key with a private adoption is networking. Tell EVERYONE you know/meet. Ask them to tell everyone THEY know/meet. Get business cards made up and hand them out everywhere. "Forget" them on the table at restaurants, in public bathrooms, in dressing rooms, etc. Contact OB's, high schools, colleges, pregnancy centers, planned parenthood, etc. Have an online profile available.

Are you wanting an open or closed adoption?

We are leaning more towards semi-open to open adoption. My husband is adopted, and he has lost contact with his birth mom and he regrets that (she is in south america) and it is important for us to be able to provide our child with that experience. I love your sign at the bottom that says Trying to adopt a homeschooled vaccinated..........night time parented baby! I agree with all of those!!!

Sarabethsmommy: That is so cool you are adopting your little boy. We have seriously looked in to foster to adopt too and will probably do that at some point. We currently have met with a woman who is looking to place her baby for adoption, but she is meeting with several other couples and even though we really want this to be our baby, we understand it may not, and I wanted suggestions on what to do if she goes with another couple.

Thank you both so much for responding!!!
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  #5  
August 12th, 2011, 08:25 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Thanks! I had that made after feeling jealous of all the blinkies I was seeing.

And you're welcome. We're also looking for an open adoption. Keep us updated as you go.
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  #6  
August 12th, 2011, 09:23 PM
meggie2685
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Good luck to you! How long have you been trying to adopt?
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  #7  
August 13th, 2011, 12:58 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Not long at all...we are wanting to raise a bit of money and have the homestudy before we go all out with our search.
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  #8  
August 13th, 2011, 03:13 PM
meggie2685
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Thats a good idea. The homestudy is what I am most nervous about. We have 2 dogs and we live in a mobile home that we are currently basically improving every room (flooring and painting). How much do you know about the homestudy?
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  #9  
August 13th, 2011, 03:19 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Not much...I know DH needs to get a locking gun cabinet before we even call. I guess that's what I get for marrying into a family of hunters. I'm worried about them analyzing our finances. Things will be tight, but I know we can make it work.
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  #10  
August 13th, 2011, 07:11 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Homestudy is not really as scarey as we try to make it out to be. Keep in mind that they are trying to rule you IN not out. They won't look for things to make you fail.
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  #11  
August 13th, 2011, 10:17 PM
meggie2685
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Originally Posted by SarahBethsMommy View Post
Homestudy is not really as scarey as we try to make it out to be. Keep in mind that they are trying to rule you IN not out. They won't look for things to make you fail.
Really? That makes me feel better. My in-laws and I were talking and my father-in-law made it seem like it was a huge process and very hard and it made me feel more worried than I already was. You have had your homestudy done right? Cause you are in the foster program and you have to have that done for that right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Augie View Post
Not much...I know DH needs to get a locking gun cabinet before we even call. I guess that's what I get for marrying into a family of hunters. I'm worried about them analyzing our finances. Things will be tight, but I know we can make it work.
Yeah, I am a tad worried about that too.....dang finances. We will be fine too. Will my kid have all the latest toys and 900 different outfits? No. Will my child have all their needs met and all the love and kisses and bedtime stories read to them and all that good stuff? Yes. And which is more important? Thats how I look at it!!
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  #12  
August 14th, 2011, 05:00 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah I've had mine done. It is a big process... just a lot of paperwork and stuff. But the workers were all great with us. We have 2 dogs who live both inside and outside. They aren't aggressive at all, but do bark at strangers and jump on people from time to time. We have a fireplace, so we have to prove that is cleaned every 2 years. We have a big workshop in the back, so that has to stay locked all the time (not a problem since my DH is paranoid and keeps all his stuff locked up all the time anyway). They check water temperature to be sure it is within range and that we have proper safety stuff (outlet covers) and that we have working fire extinguishers and fire alarms. That is about it in our house that they check. They did interviews with us separately to find out our feelings about adoption, parenting style, method of discipline, etc. With foster care you cannot spank a child to discipline them so that was a big thing for us, but of course, with adoption I think they can't dictate that once the adoption is final.
Finances aren't a big thing really. We aren't rich by any means, but we can supply for needs and even, every once in a while, a few wants too. But that is mostly paperwork. I think they just want to be sure we aren't living way above our means and don't have so much debt we'll never climb out... you know?
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  #13  
August 14th, 2011, 12:26 PM
meggie2685
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Thats a relief to know. We also have 2 dogs and our one is very very good. Our other one is wary of strangers and I am nervous about him.....also, we filed bankruptcy about a year ago, do you know if that matters? Right now we are very debt free, pretty much we have no debt. We own our car and we are renting to own our house, so we didn't take out a loan for it either. So should that be good for our finances?

Ooh, question about dogs. What shots are they required to have? Ours are always up to date with rabies, but I'm not sure if they have to have all their shots. We also have 2 cats. I'm not sure where to find out what they need.
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  #14  
August 14th, 2011, 01:35 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm honestly not sure about bankruptcy. That's an iffy one.

All the shots on the animals had to be up to date and they had to have proof that they had a check up each year at the vet's office. I don't know if that is just for my state though or not. You might just be able to google that?
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  #15  
August 14th, 2011, 05:53 PM
meggie2685
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Researched bankruptcy and almost everything said that by itself bankruptcy is rarely a problem, if we had lots of other red flags (which we shouldn't) it could play a factor in to being told no, but by itself we should be fine. I can't find much about cats, I think I will call the lady who did my friends home study and ask her what all needs to be done. Sometimes it stresses me out, cause it seems like so much work, but I guess its all worth it when you get a child.
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