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foster care adoptions


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  #1  
November 22nd, 2011, 12:25 PM
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Location: Oklahoma City, OK
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Is there anyone here who has adopted through foster care without fostering first? If so, how long did it take for you to be matched with a child? My husband and I have been waiting for 2 years. We have two girls, an 18yr old (my step daughter) and a 6 yr old. We had a baby boy 4 years ago but he was born at 21 1/2 weeks and lived only 4 days. I still want a son very badly and because we were concerned about another pregnancy being dangerous since I would have been on bedrest the majority of it, we decided to adopt. I've always wanted to since my brother is adopted. My husband isn't interested in going through an agency. Too many people he knows has lost a lot of money with no child in the end. We decided on DHS foster care. I love the idea of giving a child a home instead of him having to live in foster care. We had a friend who was a child welfare working and so we almost adopted two brothers, but if fell through. At this point I'm not even sure it's God's will for us anymore, but there is something deep inside me that feels called to adopt a little boy. We are willing to adopt a sibling group of two. We, unfortunately want to adopt younger if possible because of the 6 yr old, but are willing to go up to 8. I can't foster. We thought about fostering infants through local agencies, but I can't put myself or my 6 yr through that. I can't lose another child. My 6 yr old wants a little brother so badly and has already lost one. So, if you've adopted this way, how long did you have to wait? Am I fooling myself thinking we have a chance to adopt a child this way? If we don't this way, we won't. My 18yr old starts college next year. I can't afford it otherwise and my dh won't go any other way.
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  #2  
November 23rd, 2011, 04:49 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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No you can definitely do that! Especially because you don't mind having older children. However, USUALLY (and this is not all cases of course) the kids who are waiting on homes through the foster system do have some sort of issues. I always let folks know that because you need to be prepared. It may be that they need a lot of therapy and will eventually be perfectly fine, but it also may be that they need some medical help. If you are willing to adopt a sibling set, you have a better chance to have children with few to no issues.

All that said, the wait totally depends on your wants and needs. When you go through the classes to adopt through foster care you'll have the opportunity to choose the characteristics that you think would fit best in your family and that you can handle best. This was an odd experience for me since I felt I was excluding some. But there are things I knew I couldn't handle and things my husband couldn't handle. We didn't care about gender, but you can choose gender on there too. We also didn't care about race, but you can choose that. So, obviously the more exclusive you are, the longer it could take to find your child. But there are hundreds of children waiting in my state alone. They are cleared to be adopted and just waiting to find their forever home.

We decided to adopt through foster care after our son died at birth, but we do foster care and foster to adopt as well. My son came to us 3 years ago and we're hoping to finalize everything in January or February. He is autistic, but my total joy. I have loved him since I met him. I wish you the best!
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  #3  
November 23rd, 2011, 07:24 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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We're starting the process for this. It is possible. Our agency makes families foster no matter what. (i.e. You can't only take kids that are available for adoption.) If you would like I can share some links to national foster-to-adopt agencies. You still have to work with a local agency and your local agency has to be willing to work with them, but it's an extra avenue for finding a child.
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  #4  
November 23rd, 2011, 09:12 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry I just reread what you wrote and I think I understand now that you are already an approved home and just waiting on your child?

Have you looked through the photolistings at adoptUSKids.org? You can request more information through them and perhaps find your child this way!
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  #5  
November 23rd, 2011, 11:44 AM
mamma_anna's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you. Our adoption was technically through foster care but it was a kinship adoption so there was almost no wait. (though we did have to be her foster family for 6 months before finalizing the adoption)

I just wanted to offer you some and prayers.
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  #6  
December 1st, 2011, 07:21 PM
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Location: Oklahoma City, OK
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Yes, we are already approved. We are pretty open as far as race. All we want is at least one to be a boy. We are willing to adopt a boy and a girl, but we really want a son. We are a bit picky with problems because of our 6 year old, but most things we are willing to consider. Our worker wasn't submitting our names for black children, but I think she wanted to find us a child that would fit in more with our family. We told her we would adopt a black child, my only concerns is the area we live and that I don't want my child to feel that they are different and always be conscious that they are adopted. It's very important to me that eventually he feels like he fits in and isn't constantly reminded that he is adopted. Our worker can't figure out why we haven't been matched yet. I don't know. Sometimes I think maybe God doesn't want us to adopt, but I want it so strongly that I don't know what to think.

We've looked at AdoptUSKids. Most of the kids on there have a lot of problems. We found two brothers and Dh finally said to go ahead and inquire, but they aren't on there anymore. Oh, well. At least they have a home now.
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  #7  
December 2nd, 2011, 07:14 PM
MommaLexi's Avatar Adoptive and Foster Mommy
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I just wanted to say good luck, and I'll be praying that your answer comes soon!
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  #8  
December 23rd, 2011, 08:56 AM
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Hello,
Im not sure how your state or county does it but here in Michigan, you can be an approved home for adoption but you still have to take the classes for fostering to adopt & complete a seperate homestudy. It doesnt take long, we are in the process of trying to foster right now but are getting a dual license for fostering to adopt. I agree with SarahBethsMommy. Definately make sure that you are prepared for the task of therapists and possible emotional issues, "attachment disorders" and all sorts of things. Im not trying to sway you away (definately not my intention at all) but these are definately things to consider. Good luck!
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  #9  
January 17th, 2012, 09:49 AM
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DH and I are doing the foster adoption route as well. We have found an agency that actually works with the foster care system to help couples adopt healthy children. We do have to do the 6 month wait before adoption is finalized and that is how ours is categorized as the "foster" adoption. All the children's profiles that come though our agency are already cleared and ready for their forever home.
Our process gets to be rushed faster than most because DH is military and we are working with the state we are stationed in. We too did not want to go the private adoption route because the cost could be an IVF cycle for us.
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