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Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
December 27th, 2011, 09:15 PM
Keepin' it real!
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,656
Okay, I'm here because in some weird twisted fashion, God has obviously led me here. I have been joking about only ever ever having 4 kids, but the truth is, I very much would love another child...however, I'd love to adopt and don't know how to go about the process.

Here are some roadblocks:
1) We're not rich...adoption fees are insane and we still have 4 other kids to support plus when we do adopt, we want to have everything our new baby would need and be able to save $$ for them for college like we do our other children.
2) We're picky---we need a younger child because we have younger children and want to be safe
3) Ideally, we want an infant under age 1 but are willing to take on siblings if they are under age 3
4) Race isn't too big of a deal, but DH wants a caucasian or Spanish baby
5) We have no idea what the home study/State wants us to do. We assume babyproofing, proof of work, insurance, etc.
5) I am using a network of friends/family for child care for my children and would prefer all children in the same care...they are not licensed providers but we trust no one else, so I'm not sure if Foster-Adopt will work

6) I'm the worst sales person in history! How do I even let people know we're looking?
7) Where do we find birthmoms wishing to place their babies?

Anyway, any and all ideas are welcome! TIA

Lynn
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Lynn
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1 Girl 2011 and 1 Boy 2013. Their family is COMPLETE!

Surrogacy # 3 for new family?: 2014??

Last edited by GSLynn; December 27th, 2011 at 09:27 PM.
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  #2  
December 28th, 2011, 01:07 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
It sounds like you are wanting to do private domestic adoption without using an agency. This can be done for sure, but you will need to talk to a lot of folks to protect yourselves. Unfortunately, there are people out there who do unscrupulous things and hurt very well meaning parents who wish to adopt.

My advice would be to find someone in your area who has adopted this way (or close to it) and talk with them about how the process worked for them. Do you happen to know anyone who is a lawyer? It could be very helpful to speak with them about how to word a contract and such too.

To find a birthmom, put the word out there. Tell everyone you know that you are looking to adopt. Tell them to tell their friends too. Start a blog... post on facebook... post on adoption boards... etc.

BTW, I'm Beth. I'm a foster to adopt and foster mom. We are preparing to finalize our adoption of our son who has been in our care for 3 years now. We'll continue to do emergency placement foster care after that as well. Welcome to our board!!
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  #3  
December 29th, 2011, 06:40 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 47
I agree with sarahbeths mommy. Put the word out there. My friend did the same thing. if you know anybody in child care centers/day care centers you can put the word out through there too. Her brother worked at one and he found a birth mother through one of the moms there. Good luck with your journey!!
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  #4  
December 29th, 2011, 10:50 AM
Keepin' it real!
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,656
Beth, Thank you for your input! And that is awesome about your son! Congratulations!

Amber-I never thought about daycares. I did have a couple teen moms when I was doing that job tell me they were putting up their babies, but I had just had the twins and wasn't even considering it at that time.

When I did my surrogacy, the process was pretty simple because all parties were in agreement. Husband relinquished "rights" (because here the birth parent and husband automatically are considered legally the parents) and I signed my name off the birth certificate pretty easily. We didn't even need a hearing. It was very much like an adoption process since we did a Post-Birth order (most surrogacies have a pre-birth order but some issues with their country prevented that)

I think I can come up with a reasonably written contract and contact the same lawyer we used for the surrogacy and go through the same county.

I'm just trying to figure out if foster-adopt is a way to go or if private-party adoption would be more ideal. I know people are jerks and I know to be pretty careful with the whole thing. I just don't know what to do yet! lol
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Lynn
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1 Girl 2011 and 1 Boy 2013. Their family is COMPLETE!

Surrogacy # 3 for new family?: 2014??
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  #5  
December 29th, 2011, 12:26 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Foster to adopt is a great process to do (obviously I love it since it is the direction we went). But, with your needs and wants, it might take a while to find your child. Many times with foster to adopt you will get older children, sibling groups or children who have special needs. That, of course, is not always, but it is more the norm than not. You also have to be willing to support reunification if that happens as it is still foster care and things can happen. However, it is free (virtually) and you get a lot of help through the state for things you might need. It is also truly giving a child who has no home a forever home whereas a private adoption is not necessarily a child who has no home. The other good thing about the state is not having to do your own paperwork since they do all that for you. There are pros and cons about everything of course.
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