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I just posted in the 'Newbie' thread.
I am 25, happily engaged to the man I have been with for over 6 years, and we have a three year old son.
When we got engaged and planned our future we had assumed we'd start having children two years after the assumed wedding. Little did we know that I was just weeks away from getting pregnant, and that years later we still wouldn't be married because life just kept happening to us and it wasn't our priority to sign some papers to validate what we already had.
Well, once we had our son we were so in love and so happy that we knew we would want a few more children. Unfortunately it's been hard. I have had two miscarriages, which really tore me up, and the doctors warned us that it probably won't happen.
I am just destroyed. I love children. I love rocking my son for hours and singing to him when he is not feeling well, I love waking up 50x a night because someone is crying, I love curling up on the couch and watching a movie that makes me want to rip out my brain. I just love loving my son more than myself, and I really want to do that for a second child. It's gotten to the point that I weird other moms out by tearing up when I see their babies. The other day I was taking the train and saw this little black girl and just felt tears run down my cheeks, I had to look away and focus on the landscape.
Before I had my son I always wanted to adopt. My assumption was that I would have children, and once I was done 'making them myself' I would hopefully be lucky enough to start adopting. I was always open to older children, knowing that babies had a good chance, but that older children are often over-looked. Now I am thinking about adoption again, but because I am only 25 I feel it is not approriate to adopt an older child yet. I feel it would be best to adopt a child that is younger than my son, maybe even an infant.
I have just begun looking into adoption and I know next to nothing. We are living in Europe at the moment due to my fiances work, and I am not sure if we could even adopt in this situation.
We are not rich or anything. We are comfortable and have health insurance, so taking care of another child and sending him or her to a good school and providing good medical would have been no issue, but we did not plan on needing to adopt so soon and certainly don't have $30,000 put aside!
Also we didn't feel there would be a rush to get married, and now we see that most places require us to have been married for at least 2 years!
I have NO idea what to do. I want to extend my family so badly. I know it seems silly, I am so lucky and happy to have my son, but I just so badly want another.
Can anybody give me any advice?
Does anyone here know about a way that we could adopt?
We could go to the US, but then it would take years for my fiance to be in a position where he could adopt. Could I adopt from foster care as a single mom with a partner? He won't have his permanent residency for a few years and it made me afraid that the only way to adopt in the US would be private. I would love to adopt a waiting child/foster child, but I know that we would not be allowed to adopt a waiting child internationally because they want you to be married, and we cannot get married till his process is done.
Oh well... thank you for the suggestion, and I'd love to know more if you know.
You can adopt from foster care in the US as a single Mom or Dad, single Mom or Dad with a significant other, Moms and Dads with same-sex partners. Your fiance would just have to be part of the homestudy process.