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Will my baby be put in foster care?


Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
October 28th, 2006, 07:05 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 111
I have a few questions regarding those who give their babies up for adoption......what happens if the adoptive parents choose to not adopt my child? Will he/she be placed in foster care? What if no one wants to adopt my child? My baby's father was curious of these types of situations.

I'm also curious to those who have given their baby up for adoption, when someone asked if you had any children what did you say? What if they are a stranger? I'm just thinking of my future and wondering down the road when I start dating again if I tell someone that yes, I did give my child up for adoption. I guess its a personal choice I'm just curious of what people have done in their own situations.
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  #2  
October 29th, 2006, 11:00 AM
Saigon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Dyess AFB, Texas
Posts: 2,517
I doubt if you choose a good family they will refuse the baby. Just make sure you get to know the family early on.

When people ask how many kids I have I say the two I have with me. As I get to know someone and I feel comfortable I tell them about my birthchild.

Or if they need to know, like doctors and such. Dont lie about it, unless that helps...but I don't bring it up to strangers. It is a weird situation and makes some people uncomfortable
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  #3  
October 30th, 2006, 07:58 AM
ladybgg
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Quote:
I have a few questions regarding those who give their babies up for adoption......what happens if the adoptive parents choose to not adopt my child? Will he/she be placed in foster care? What if no one wants to adopt my child? My baby's father was curious of these types of situations.

I'm also curious to those who have given their baby up for adoption, when someone asked if you had any children what did you say? What if they are a stranger? I'm just thinking of my future and wondering down the road when I start dating again if I tell someone that yes, I did give my child up for adoption. I guess its a personal choice I'm just curious of what people have done in their own situations.[/b]

There are so many couples waiting to adopt... I wouldn't worry about your child not getting adopted. There are so many people that have been waiting for a long time to have children. They want that baby just as much as you do. My neighbor has been waiting to adopt for almost a year..... I wouldn't worry about that..

When someone asks me how many children I have, I tell them about my two girls. Then I add, "I also have a 5 1/2 year old that I placed for adoption". I don't hide it... I am proud of it. If you come across proud, I have found that people have a more positive look on it. Also, be prepared, there are alot of people that still have the traditional mentality (I think you said that the father's mom had that mentality in your other post). Just be prepared to let it slide off your shoulder and move on.

Also, share as you are comfortable. You may not be ready to talk about it right off.... in fact, you probably wont. But, just make sure YOU are ready to tell people... You will be going through a whirlwind of emotions... you don't want to throw yourself off anymore than you already are.

Again, if you need ANYTHING, please just PM me. I will give you my email... you are going to need as much support as possible. Especially from someone who has been there...
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  #4  
November 6th, 2006, 12:11 PM
Birdie's Avatar Loved by Two
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Texas by way of California
Posts: 1,863
The types of questions you are asking are very important ones and should be talked about with the adoption professional you are using. Different states also have different laws about when adoptive parents take placement and different professionals have different practices (like do adoptive parents take placement before or after the birthmother signs her legal paperwork, etc...) They also have different procedures and policies for what happens when an adoptive family is not available for placement. If you absolutely do not want your child in foster care, even temporarily, make sure that is known. Ask them about their foster care as well, many agencies use private foster care families that only do foster care for agencies and are not part of the state system. Sometimes foster care is unavoidable if a birth mom needs to make an immediate plan, can't keep the child with her, and her family of choice is not available immediately.

That's why it's important to make sure you have someone on your side to answer all your questions. If you are working with an agency ask to talk with your caseworker. If you are doing a private adoption make sure to request your OWN legal representation, the adoptive parent's lawyer is just that, their lawyer, not yours, the cost of your legal representation is something the adoptive family should be responsible for.

Make sure that no matter who handles the adoption for you that private counseling is offered to you as well. The counseling can help with some of the conerns about what happens after the adoption is complete and how you can incorporate your adoption decision into your life.

When it comes to who to tell what about your decision remember, there is a difference between secrecy and privacy. Secrets are not healthy but maintaining your privacy is. You are not required to share your adoption story with everyone who asks. In fact, doing so can be totally overwhelming and like picking at a scab until it bleeds again.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you decide.
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