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I was on another website looking up some information on adoption and came across a forum for adoption. I read one lady's post. She and her dh adopted a child at birth and they said that they will never tell the child that she is adopted. Do you think that it is right to tell a child that she is adopted? Do you think that it is bad for an adoptive family to not ever tell the child? What do you think about this issue??
Wow, I would never advise an adoptive parent to be anything but honest with their children about adoption. Obviously, in our case, not telling our girls would be impossible given that they are Chinese and we're not, but I would tell any child, even if they were adopted as a newborn and looked just like me.
We are very open and honest about adoption in our family and my girls are proud of where they are from and how they joined our family. It is especially important for us to talk about it with Jacey, since she was almost 6 when we adopted her and remembers so much about China and her past. I don't think adoption should be hidden away as something a child should be ashamed of, instead it should be celebrated as the wonderful, positive experience that it is. Just my .02.
I , as a birthmother, was very afraid of the adoptive parents doing this. Which was one of the reasons, (as petty as it sounds) that I chose a family that promised to tell him. (it doesn't hurt that they are bigger boned, dark hair, dark eyes and have darker complexions than the bio father and I do) The birth father and I are both very Irish. We have very fair skin, green or blue eyes and I have reddish blonde hair and he had sandy blond hair. Our son takes after us very much with the same fair skin, blond hair blue eyes. Yet I still worry that they haven't really told him....
I think parents mistakenly think they're "helping" by not telling...as if they think the child won't feel loved because he/she was abandoned in the first place. Adoption isn't abandonment. It's purposely putting a child into a better situation than the one he/she was previously in. To me, adoption says "love" more than birth does. Anyone can accidentally get pregnant, but you can't accidentally fill out piles of paperwork and hand-pick a child without a great deal of intent and love. If I were adopted, I'd want to know.