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  #1  
November 16th, 2006, 10:23 AM
Willowkarr's Avatar Coupon Blogger
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Gloversville, NY
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Hello, DH and I have been TTC for 8 months, we lost 3 in that time. I am pregnant again, and we have a STRONG heartbeat, I am thrilled! But both DH and I have been having dreams about a boy with Down Syndrome, that scares me. As much as I love my kids, I don't think I could handle that disability, strike that, I know I couldn't. I am newly pregnant, but I KNOW this is a boy. We haven't gotten testing done for abnormalities yet, as that is done at 20 weeks I think. If this baby is proven to have Down Syndrom we have decided to give him up for adoption. It will be hard, I know it will, but I refuse to abort! I have a friend that I worked with a couple years back who adopted a newborn baby boy, then the parents took him back, I felt so bad for her. I was hoping that if it comes down to it, that she would adopt, with an open adoption, so that I can still see my son. I am not sure what advice I need here, but it does worry me. I don't want to give one of my children away, but on the other hand I KNOW she wants one, and can't have one, and I know she'll be an awesome mother! The thing is, I haven't seen her is almost a year. I think it will be hard to go to her and say, "I am pregnant, he has Down Syndrome, do you want him?" ya know? I mean, I shouldn't get scared yet, because I am still a far way off until that testing is done, but I have strong feelings something is wrong with him, but he is strong enough to make it to birth, unlike my last 3. I dunno what to do really.
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  #2  
November 16th, 2006, 12:01 PM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas y'all!
Posts: 17,144
First of all, welcome to the group, and second of all, RELAX! You're way too early along to be diagnosing your little guy (or girl ) with Down Syndrome. I don't know how old you are, but since your siggy says you were a teen mom, I would assume you're in your 20's, so your chances of having a child with DS are very low (current numbers show the chances at age 25 to be about 1 in 1250). I myself have a 7 year old son with Down Syndrome, you can see his pic in my siggy, he's the cute baseball player.

As far as offering the baby to your friend ONLY in the event that he/she has DS, I would strongly advise against that. If your friend wanted to adopt a child with special needs, she probably would have already. If I were in her shoes, I'm not sure how I'd feel if one of my friends offered me one of their children just because there was something "wrong" with them. Please don't take offense to that, I'm just trying to imagine what it would be like on the receiving end of that conversation.

Again, chances are very high that you have absolutely nothing to worry about in this regard, but in the unlikely event your child does have DS and you truly do not feel you could care for him/her, there are adoption agencies that can place children with special needs in loving homes with no problem. I know at one time there was a waiting list for families specifically looking to adopt kids with DS.

Good luck with your pregnancy, and I'm so sorry for your losses, I can't imagine what that must be like to go through. Take care!
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  #3  
November 22nd, 2006, 10:56 AM
tim_horton's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmonton / Ottawa
Posts: 370
I agree that it's too early to be thinking about this. The stress isn't good for the pregnancy. Try to stay positive and hope for the best.

If you do decide to give the child up for adoption, it might not be the best idea to give it to a friend. You would just be way too attached and seeing him would be painful for you, and threatening to your friend.

Your partner and you are likely having these dreams because of your past experiences trying to get pregnant. You are afraid that it won't work out, and this is translating into your dreams.
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  #4  
November 29th, 2006, 10:04 PM
tamicaharradine's Avatar Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 36
Quote:
I agree that it's too early to be thinking about this. The stress isn't good for the pregnancy. Try to stay positive and hope for the best.

If you do decide to give the child up for adoption, it might not be the best idea to give it to a friend. You would just be way too attached and seeing him would be painful for you, and threatening to your friend.

Your partner and you are likely having these dreams because of your past experiences trying to get pregnant. You are afraid that it won't work out, and this is translating into your dreams.[/b]
I have adopted five kids.It takes around 2-3 years to get your child/ren.You have to fill out documents,see how well you are with children.You have to buy some more items such as nappies if they are babies and toys and food.It costs around 15000-30000australian dollars.Altogether with more toys and stuff it costs about 50000 so i would think about it.
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  #5  
December 1st, 2006, 01:00 PM
tim_horton's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmonton / Ottawa
Posts: 370
Quote:
Quote:
I agree that it's too early to be thinking about this. The stress isn't good for the pregnancy. Try to stay positive and hope for the best.

If you do decide to give the child up for adoption, it might not be the best idea to give it to a friend. You would just be way too attached and seeing him would be painful for you, and threatening to your friend.

Your partner and you are likely having these dreams because of your past experiences trying to get pregnant. You are afraid that it won't work out, and this is translating into your dreams.[/b]
I have adopted five kids.It takes around 2-3 years to get your child/ren.You have to fill out documents,see how well you are with children.You have to buy some more items such as nappies if they are babies and toys and food.It costs around 15000-30000australian dollars.Altogether with more toys and stuff it costs about 50000 so i would think about it.
[/b]
Sorry, but I'm really confused about how that relates to my post?
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  #6  
December 1st, 2006, 06:34 PM
tamicaharradine's Avatar Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 36
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I agree that it's too early to be thinking about this. The stress isn't good for the pregnancy. Try to stay positive and hope for the best.

If you do decide to give the child up for adoption, it might not be the best idea to give it to a friend. You would just be way too attached and seeing him would be painful for you, and threatening to your friend.

Your partner and you are likely having these dreams because of your past experiences trying to get pregnant. You are afraid that it won't work out, and this is translating into your dreams.[/b]
I have adopted five kids.It takes around 2-3 years to get your child/ren.You have to fill out documents,see how well you are with children.You have to buy some more items such as nappies if they are babies and toys and food.It costs around 15000-30000australian dollars.Altogether with more toys and stuff it costs about 50000 so i would think about it.
[/b]
Sorry, but I'm really confused about how that relates to my post?
[/b]
i accidently put it next to the quote.sorry.
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  #7  
December 8th, 2006, 09:35 AM
Willowkarr's Avatar Coupon Blogger
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Gloversville, NY
Posts: 2,995
I actually have been feeling better about the pregnancy, and haven't had any special education dreams or thoughts, so I am hoping this is a good sign. I know it would be terribly hard to give up our child, after already having 3, but that is the only decision we could come up with. We can not properly care for a special needs child, and I don't believe in abortion. We will be having the testing done soon, I am 10 weeks 2 days, and testing is supposed to be done at 10-13 weeks I believe. Hopefully that will ease our minds, either way. And if the child does have special needs that we can't handle, we will start looking into adoptive parents, I agree that our friend would take it the wrong way and that would make it worse. I want this outcome, whatever it may be, to be a positive one for everyone. On another note, DCF is coming over today so that my husband can adopt my middle child, my ex agreed to give up rights, so right now, we're just trying to focus on that. Thank you for your replys.
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  #8  
December 8th, 2006, 10:31 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Carolina Girls... Are the best in the world!
Posts: 637
I have an adopted daughter and a biological child. Both of my children are my life. I could not imagine my life with out either of them. When we adopted Hannah, I had no idea how much I could love someone. Her birth mother did walk up to me and give her to me. I was a very akward & wonderful moment. She knew that she could not handle a newborn baby. Her adoption was final about 3 months later and I also found out I was 8 weeks pregnant with my daughter. We had been trying to get pregnant for several years with no luck, but we were not seriously looking into adoption.

During my pregnancy, I was scared to death that something was going to go wrong. I did not know if I could carry to term or if she would have some type of problem. I finally realized that it is very common to have those feelings with any pregnancy. That is the first real part of being a "mommy!"

One of my best friends had a baby when I was about 5 months along. Her baby died of SIDS when he was 4 weeks old. Let me tell you... that did one heck of a number on my nerves and post partum depression. I cried for days and swore that she was going to die and that there was no way I was going to bond with her and then lose her. It took a few trips to the doctor and some medication before I realize how insane I sounded! I know now that it was just my imagination and I was paroniod b/c of what happened to my friends baby. On top of that my cousin went into pre-term labor and delivered her baby at 25 weeks. Her baby ended up fine after a long journey.

My point in telling you all this is, bad things happen and good things happen. Children are a true blessing from God. I admire you courage in keeping the pregnancy. Many mothers have "bad dreams" and "bad feelings" about their children. Especially, when you have had so many losses, you tend to think the worst and in a sense you are preparing your self for the worst. I know b/c I did it my self. I was the queen of self doubt!

Don't give up on your child, even if it has a disability, the severity cannot be truly determined until after birth. If your baby has DS, there are so many wonderful agencies out there that assist families.

If you do decide to give it up, I would caution you to be very careful about approaching family or friends about taking the child. It is a very sensitive matter, I would feel as if you were trying to give me a child that was not good enough for you. I don't know how to say some things with out sounding harsh, so pardon me if it did.

Please think long and hard about all of this, it is your child and you do need to consider you other children. How would they feel about you giving up a sibling b/c it is not perfect. Especially when your husband is trying to adopt one of your children.

I do with you the best with all of your struggles. Again, I hope I did not offend you in any way.
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  #9  
December 8th, 2006, 10:49 AM
Willowkarr's Avatar Coupon Blogger
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Gloversville, NY
Posts: 2,995
No, I was not offended at all, I agree that it would be very weird if my friend asked me to adopt their child because something was wrong with them, and I couldn't do that to them either. I know severity can not be determined until after birth, but the thing is, we are Wiccan, so dreams mean a LOT to us, and we trust them most of the time. I also agree that we could be having these feelings because of our losses, and I really do hope that is what it is. We have tried so hard to get pregnant, and if we have to give him up, it will be the hardest thing in the world, but I know we'd make another family very happy, and that they (whoever we would chose if adoption is what happens) would be able to care for the baby better than we could. It was hard for my kids to learn about my last miscarriage (the only one they know about), I had to tell them that their baby brother or sister had died, and they cried, that tore me apart. For them to be able to see their brother or sister in the hospital, and wonder why he or she isn't coming home with us...I know it would hurt them, and that is why open adoption would be the ONLY way we could go, even if I don't have the currage to visit for a while, I know my kids would want to. But as I said, I haven't been having these feelings for a while now, so I am hoping that is a good sign. We have already planned on adopting a child after our 6th was born, and I think it would be hard adopting a child, when I had given one of mine up for adoption, ya know? So, IF adoption is what happens, I am fairly sure it will change our future adoption plans as well, I just don't think I could adopt after giving mine up, it would feel like replacement, even though we knew we wanted to adopt before I got pregnant, ya know? I dunno, just a bunch of thoughts right now, we will find out soon enough, just one day at a time, and let the Goddess decide what she will do. All we can do is pray.

Quote:
If you do decide to give it up, I would caution you to be very careful about approaching family or friends about taking the child. It is a very sensitive matter, I would feel as if you were trying to give me a child that was not good enough for you. I don't know how to say some things with out sounding harsh, so pardon me if it did.[/b]
Oh, and this was not harsh at all, I completely agree with it.
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  #10  
December 8th, 2006, 01:48 PM
tamicaharradine's Avatar Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 36
i think i might be pregnant with my ninth child.
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