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Hi Ladies! New to the board here, but bursting with questions!
My partner April and I are currently childless, however we have been taking care of a now 16wk old baby on and off for a young friend of ours. Mom is only 15 years old and starting to consider the adoption route. She's asked if A and I would be interesting in adopting him, and we're starting to look into the laws and regulations set by our state (CO)...
Both A and I have spoke at length in regards to Ty (the baby), and in regards to adoption in general. We are both VERY comfortable with open adoption which could include everything right up to visits. Several of our friends and family have adopted, so we've talked about this in depth.
My only concern would be because Ash (mom) is so young, that she may not understand boundries that would be set in place by A and myself. While we would be comfortable doing visits, pictures, letters, and what not, we would not be comfortable with unexpected drop ins and door knocks...
What do you ladies (based on experience) have to say in regards to open adoption with known birthparents? How do you (or did you) set boundries without making the mom feel like you are pushing her away?
I can only speak from very distant experience. My cousin's youngest is an open adopted child. H knows her birth mom very well and sees her on scheduled visits. For birthdays, holidays etc. they set aside a special time for them to get together. They live about 2 hours away so this makes it better for unexpected "drop ins."
I definitely would have the same concerns that you do. Open adoption is a wonderful thing - its hard to establish boundaries when the child is still hers biologically, yet 100% your little one as well.
In the end, I think going to counseling similar to what a crisis pregnancy center would perform for both her, and you and your husband might be a big help. That way you can hear the same information and a third party can explain to her the new set of boundaries and new family structure.
Best of luck!!!
Started TTC: Jan 2006 with Endometriosis
United in Love: April 2, 2005
J: 24 and DH: 24
These are excellent questions that I know I would want answered as well if I were in that situation. Hopefully one of our experienced adoptive moms can help you out! Welcome to the group and best of luck!!