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I am absolutely no help on info regarding adoption in the UK, but I wanted to say welcome to the group. I am so sorry for everything you have been through and pray that you find your way on your journey to parenthood. Hang in there!
Happy belated anniversary as well! I just saw that scroll by in your siggy.
4.5 year waiting list just doens't seem right. Perhaps it is because you are in the UK but even here in Canada it is only a 4 month wait apprx after all the appropiate testing has been done. I would get a second opinion just to be on the safe side. If it is in fact that long are you able to travel to another european country where the wait is a little more reasonable??