Log In Sign Up

Mixing biological children & adopted children


Forum: Adoption

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Adoption LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
July 8th, 2007, 12:15 PM
tinafrank's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Central CA
Posts: 6,387
Hi, my name's Kristina, and I have an eight month old son - whom I adore! My husband, Kurt, (who I also adore! ) and I have been talking about the number of kids we want recently. We've always discussed adoption as a possibility, mainly if I wasn't able to get pregnant. But, after going through my first pregnancy I'm not sure I can do it again multiple times with multiple older kids to take care of while I'm pregnant. My first pregnancy wasn't terrible - I just had morning sickness the entire time - then I had some complications healing after giving birth. I'm not sure I'd be able to do this with 2 or 3 kids running around the house needing my attention all the time. We plan to have one or two more biological children, and adopt (possibly) one more child.

Anyway... on to my question. As my husband and I were discussing adoption, I just kept thinking that there was no way I'd ever be able to love an adopted child as much as I love my son. I know I'll love each of my children in a different manner whether they are adopted or biological, so I'm not worried about adopting a child and loving him/her differently than I love my son - I'm only worried about not loving him/her as much. Does that make sense? Any insight into this would be wonderful.

Also, what are your opinions with mixing children from different countries with your biological children? I have such a passion for children abroad - either from China, Africa or Europe. I've been on mission trips to both China and a few lower-income European countries and I would love to go to Africa on a missions trip, as well. Plus, if I'm going to adopt, I want it to be a child that will be getting a much higher level of living standards by being adopted by my family. If that makes any sense at all.

Okay, I'm rambling now, but I'd love any advice/options/suggestions that you ladies have. If you're anything like the Nov 06 Playroom ladies you've got a wealth of information between you and I'm here to tap into that!
__________________
Here comes Lily...
Reply With Quote
  #2  
July 8th, 2007, 12:49 PM
BensMom's Avatar Ephesians 4:29
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The Lonestar State
Posts: 50,214
m_westbro is the perfect person to answer this question. She's away on vacation right now, so keep checking back. I'm sure she'll have something great to say. She's got 2 bio's and 2 from china.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
July 9th, 2007, 08:38 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 3,000
I don't have any biological children, but I do have step children and an adopted daughter who is of a different race, but not country than the other kids. The children all mix together just fine. One child had a problem for the first couple hours. His nose was out of joint big-time, but as soon as he gave her a chance, he fell in love with her. Now he is the one who plays with her the most. As far as loving an adopted child as much as a biological one, I can only speak for myself. I could never love another child more than I love my little girl. When I look at her, she is not my adopted daughter, she is my daughter. There are times I think my heart will burst from all the love I have for her. It might sound corny, but it is the truth. Hope I helped a little bit.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #4  
July 13th, 2007, 09:12 AM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas y'all!
Posts: 17,144
You know, it's totally normal to wonder that before you adopt, especially when you already have bio children. I too wondered how I would feel, but to be honest, as soon as I saw my first daughter's picture when we got her referral, I knew I wasn't going to have to worry. I knew she was my daughter from the moment I first laid eyes on her, and when they handed her to me in that hotel room, it was very much like being handed my bio son in the delivery room. Adopting our older daughter (at age 5), was a totally different experience but again, as soon as she walked in the room and called us mommy and daddy, we felt like she had been ours forever. When we look at them now, we don't see them as orphans from China that we adopted, we simply see our daughters.

Going through the adoption process is an emotional, stressful, joyous and miraculous experience, all at once, much like pregnancy. And the end result is the same as well, you are blessed with the child you are meant to have. I wish you the best with your decision and will be happy to answer any other questions you may have. Welcome to the group!
__________________


my photog blog / my family blog
Reply With Quote
  #5  
July 18th, 2007, 02:42 PM
Ivy's Avatar
Ivy Ivy is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,207
I wondered about that while I was pregnant with Luke. But you know, seeing my kids play together fills my heart completely. There's no difference at all. Also, when it comes to mixing race, it's not a big deal if you don't make it a big deal. Three of my kids have bio parents who are from Mexico and Luke is white as can be...they have no idea that they are different. Not that they don't notice they are darker than him, but they don't feel it is weird or different at all.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 20th, 2007, 05:47 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Carolina Girls... Are the best in the world!
Posts: 637
Quote:
Hi, my name's Kristina, and I have an eight month old son - whom I adore! My husband, Kurt, (who I also adore! ) and I have been talking about the number of kids we want recently. We've always discussed adoption as a possibility, mainly if I wasn't able to get pregnant. But, after going through my first pregnancy I'm not sure I can do it again multiple times with multiple older kids to take care of while I'm pregnant. My first pregnancy wasn't terrible - I just had morning sickness the entire time - then I had some complications healing after giving birth. I'm not sure I'd be able to do this with 2 or 3 kids running around the house needing my attention all the time. We plan to have one or two more biological children, and adopt (possibly) one more child.

Anyway... on to my question. As my husband and I were discussing adoption, I just kept thinking that there was no way I'd ever be able to love an adopted child as much as I love my son. I know I'll love each of my children in a different manner whether they are adopted or biological, so I'm not worried about adopting a child and loving him/her differently than I love my son - I'm only worried about not loving him/her as much. Does that make sense? Any insight into this would be wonderful.

Also, what are your opinions with mixing children from different countries with your biological children? I have such a passion for children abroad - either from China, Africa or Europe. I've been on mission trips to both China and a few lower-income European countries and I would love to go to Africa on a missions trip, as well. Plus, if I'm going to adopt, I want it to be a child that will be getting a much higher level of living standards by being adopted by my family. If that makes any sense at all.

Okay, I'm rambling now, but I'd love any advice/options/suggestions that you ladies have. If you're anything like the Nov 06 Playroom ladies you've got a wealth of information between you and I'm here to tap into that! [/b]

Hi,

I have 2 daughters. Hannah is 4 1/2 and Emily is 3 1/2. I struggled for over 5 years to get pregnant. I went throught a lot to become a mother. We had looked a little into adopting a child but nothing really serious. One day out of the blue this woman decided that she wanted to give us her baby. (there is a little more to the story) Anyhoo... she knew that she could not keep the baby and she did not want her to go back to Mexico with her family. We took custody of her (she was 6 weeks old at the time we took custody).

We completed the entire adoption process and three weeks later I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. I stuggled with the same questions. Will I love them the same? Will our family love them the same? Will I love Hannah more than Emily? Will I love Emily more than Hannah.

I love them the same and I love them for being different. I love the way that each of them came into our lives. I love the blessings they both bring to our family. I love the ways that they both complete our family.

Every mother, I think will at some point ask herself those questions when they are thinking of expanding their family. When you have one child that you love so much, you wonder how you can love someone else... even close to that. But trust me you do.

Our daughters are different races and I wondered if that would be a problem. You will encounter ignorant people that will ask you the most insensitive questions. But, I just grin an bear it.

What ever you decide to do. It will be the right decision for you and your family.
__________________
<div align="center">Mommy to two beautiful princesses...

One of my babies I carried in my heart and one I carried under my heart...

Remember... behind every successful mother.. there is a basket of dirty laundry!!!</div>
Reply With Quote
  #7  
July 23rd, 2007, 07:43 PM
tinafrank's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Central CA
Posts: 6,387
Thanks so much, ladies! I never doubted that I would love that little boy or girl, but I just didn't know if I'd love them the same. Thanks for your honesty and your encouragement. I'm sure I'll be on here again, but I'm not sure when. We're still just thinking about it...
__________________
Here comes Lily...
Reply With Quote
  #8  
July 27th, 2007, 09:01 PM
lblackst's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: TR, SC
Posts: 874
I adopted my daughter when she was 9 and my son when he was 7. Then a bio baby came along! It's all fine. They all love each other dearly. We are a family. And it doesn't matter from the country or what the children look like. My son is black and we are all white and have no problems. He knows he is loved and wonderful. My adopted daughter knows she is loved and wonderful. And of course we all think our little 7 month old miracle is amazing!
__________________
<div align="center"></div>

<div align="center"><span style="font-family:Verdana">“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” </div></span>
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:45 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0