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When to tell family


Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
November 16th, 2007, 07:22 AM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,969
We just started the paperwork for adopting from Korea. We have told my family and they are thrilled. My dh's family is another story. We have broached the subject of international adoption and have gotten several comments regarding the race of the child.

When did you tell your family about the adoption? We are leaning towards telling them when we have a referral but not sure if that is fair...any thoughts?
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  #2  
November 16th, 2007, 07:44 AM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas y'all!
Posts: 17,144
We told everyone right away, but we knew that we'd get nothing but support from both of our families. I guess it never occurred to me that someone would have a problem with my child's race (or our decision to adopt at all), but I talk to lots of families now who got resistance from their families for that very reason. If you think they'll be negative about it, then I'd wait. You need to be surrounded by people who support you during this exciting time!
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  #3  
November 16th, 2007, 08:17 AM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,969
Quote:
We told everyone right away, but we knew that we'd get nothing but support from both of our families. I guess it never occurred to me that someone would have a problem with my child's race (or our decision to adopt at all), but I talk to lots of families now who got resistance from their families for that very reason. If you think they'll be negative about it, then I'd wait. You need to be surrounded by people who support you during this exciting time![/b]
Thanks. It is odd because the family has made comments like "raising children is hard enough, why adopt?" and "Well, why not adopt from a country where the child will look like you?". So, it isn't exactly that they have issue with race but historically, they have not been the most accepting people. I also worry a lot about them treating my child different than the children that were born into the family. I don't know whether to sit them down and explain how strongly we feel about our future child being treated the same or wait and see what happens. The last thing I want is for my child to feel like he isn't loved as much as a child who was born here. ughh, the issues!
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  #4  
November 28th, 2007, 05:16 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 781
We've told a lot of our fam/friends already, and you wouldnt believe the response we got from DH's mother...(im not surprised, shes something else....) We're adopting from Ethiopia....you can imagine her response, just imagine the worse thing that maybe could come out and think maybe thats what she said....of course, her opinion means NOTHING to me and I dont respect her in anyway shape of form, i mean the only thing i am thakful for her is bring DH into this world, otherwise I could take her or leave her....(shes been rotten lately)...so anyway...everyone else is SOOOO supportive-so its so much fun.....
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  #5  
November 28th, 2007, 07:01 AM
KatConto's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Iowa
Posts: 767
We told everyone on Mothers day, my brothers wishes. And even though Leo is blood, my sister and her daughter have been against it from the beginning. My sister is slowly coming around and my niece hasn't spoke to me since Mothers day. For me it does bother me yet at the same time it has nothing to do with with them in a whole. This was and is something I my DH, my brother and SIL have done. The others are not directly involved in the matter. Do what you feel is right for you and you immediate family, would be my only suggestion.
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  #6  
November 28th, 2007, 12:27 PM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,969
Thanks ladies. We have decided to tell dh's family when we have a referral. We have been including my family in the day by day details from the beginning.

We also considered Ethiopia and got probably a similar response. I lost a lot of respect for a lot of family after that.
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  #7  
November 30th, 2007, 08:23 PM
lblackst's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: TR, SC
Posts: 874
Both of our families weren't that thrilled or anything. It was a little disappointing, but once we got our kids, they fell in love.
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  #8  
December 1st, 2007, 10:40 AM
ericahex's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,241
My family is delighted (we're adopting my brother's son), we haven't told my spouse's family. He says he wants to wait so they don't get their hopes up, I'm worried what they'll think. We'll have to see.
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