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some questions and any advice


Forum: Adoption

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  #1  
December 11th, 2007, 10:42 PM
Regular
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 5
Hi everyone,

I am new to this message board, and I am so glad I found it. There seems to be such great info and support in all these messages.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over 3 years now, but have decided to stop actively trying. We have been thinking that maybe our fate is to welcome a child as our own who needs our love and stability and home through adoption.

I have begun doing web searches on local agencies and what the process and fees are like. We are both in our early 30's, and are planning on buying a home next year. I am also a graduate student and work about 30-40hrs a week. If all goes as planned I will be finished with my degree (at least my classes) by March 2009, so in a little more than a year. I've read everywhere that an average wait time for domestic adoption is usually about 10 months. We are hoping to have a placement around the time that I finish my classes. I was thinking about attending a couple free info seminars/meetings in Feb.

Does anyone have any advice on when a good time to turn in the initial application would be? What are things like after the Home Study is completed? Is it just kind of a waiting game? Has anyone ever "failed" their home study, or denied adoption? What kind of questions do they ask the couple, and individually? Are you suppose to have the child's room set up during the home study, or when placement is close? I'm curious about every aspect of the process, so I'm sorry if these are fairly stupid questions. And I know buying a home, attending grad school, and getting started on adoption is going to make for an extremely busy year. That's what all the gathering of info is going to be for though, to help me figure out when to get the ball rolling. Basically any advice would be so appreciated.

Thank you.
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  #2  
December 12th, 2007, 08:09 AM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,969
From your note, I think you are looking into domestic adoption? If so, there are several issues to take into consideration concerning the wait.
The majority of domestic adoptions are private and open. This means that the birth mother chooses you. You typically provide information on your family and almost advertise yourself to prospective birth mothers. The wait is truly dependent on how long it takes a birth mother to choose you and how active your agency is in recruiting birth mothers. I have heard anywhere from 2 months to 10 years.
I am halfway through a homestudy for int'l adoption and it hasn't been too bad. We turned in our initial application December 1st and should be complete with the homestudy by mid January. It takes a lot of coordination with paper work and lots of time with inspections, meetings and appointments. Other than that, it has not been terrible. I hope no one fails...that is one of my concern.
Good luck and keep us informed on your decision.

Quote:
Hi everyone,

I am new to this message board, and I am so glad I found it. There seems to be such great info and support in all these messages.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over 3 years now, but have decided to stop actively trying. We have been thinking that maybe our fate is to welcome a child as our own who needs our love and stability and home through adoption.

I have begun doing web searches on local agencies and what the process and fees are like. We are both in our early 30's, and are planning on buying a home next year. I am also a graduate student and work about 30-40hrs a week. If all goes as planned I will be finished with my degree (at least my classes) by March 2009, so in a little more than a year. I've read everywhere that an average wait time for domestic adoption is usually about 10 months. We are hoping to have a placement around the time that I finish my classes. I was thinking about attending a couple free info seminars/meetings in Feb.

Does anyone have any advice on when a good time to turn in the initial application would be? What are things like after the Home Study is completed? Is it just kind of a waiting game? Has anyone ever "failed" their home study, or denied adoption? What kind of questions do they ask the couple, and individually? Are you suppose to have the child's room set up during the home study, or when placement is close? I'm curious about every aspect of the process, so I'm sorry if these are fairly stupid questions. And I know buying a home, attending grad school, and getting started on adoption is going to make for an extremely busy year. That's what all the gathering of info is going to be for though, to help me figure out when to get the ball rolling. Basically any advice would be so appreciated.

Thank you.[/b]
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  #3  
December 12th, 2007, 09:31 AM
Regular
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 5
[quote]
From your note, I think you are looking into domestic adoption? If so, there are several issues to take into consideration concerning the wait.
The majority of domestic adoptions are private and open. This means that the birth mother chooses you. You typically provide information on your family and almost advertise yourself to prospective birth mothers. The wait is truly dependent on how long it takes a birth mother to choose you and how active your agency is in recruiting birth mothers. I have heard anywhere from 2 months to 10 years.
I am halfway through a homestudy for int'l adoption and it hasn't been too bad. We turned in our initial application December 1st and should be complete with the homestudy by mid January. It takes a lot of coordination with paper work and lots of time with inspections, meetings and appointments. Other than that, it has not been terrible. I hope no one fails...that is one of my concern.
Good luck and keep us informed on your decision.


Hi. Thanks for your response. We are looking into Domestic. I would love to try an International adoption, but with the busy year we are going to have, we both think that Domestic will be the best thing for us. Plus, although we have been together for 10 years, we have only been married 1 yr, and most countries have a minimum time of marriage.

But, we are thinking about adopting a child between the ages of maybe 4mos to about 2 years (maybe even 3 years old). I plan on trying to find things about adopting newborns, where the birthmother chooses the family. We are just so concerned about going that route because of the expenses for the birthmother, and then her possibley changing her mind. That's happened to 3 people we know about. Not sure if we could handle that.

Thanks again for your info!
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  #4  
December 12th, 2007, 09:45 AM
ericahex's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,241
We're just doing our first home study visit tomorrow night. So I can probably give you more information then. In our case it's public domestic within Canada, so it may be slightly different though I would think a lot of it is the same.

They gave us the initial home study info. In it they ask for complete financial information (income, expenses, debts), medical and police checks, relationship questions (how long have you been together, etc.), and do a safety check of the house (looking for locks on the windows, fire extinguishers, fire escape plans, emergency numbers posted near the phone, fire alarms for each floor and outside bedrooms, flashlights, clear well lit hallways, blind cords out of reach, unused freezers and fridges stored with doors removed, etc. etc.). They also ask for references from both families, good friends of each person in the couple, and a good friend who knows the couple and (if applicable) how they are as parents. If there are older children whether they live in the house or no they are also talked to.

As far as the safety check it looks like they come in the first time and go over things with you, and you arrange to fix whatever needs fixing by an agreed upon date. I believe setting the child's room up is part of the home study visits (there are several visits) as well - first they check you have enough room and space for the child's belongings, separate dining, sleeping, and washroom areas, etc. I'll be able to answer that better tomorrow, since while we have the space now we haven't started buying the bed, dresser, car seat, etc.

As far as waiting I'm not a good judge, since we're adopting my nephew specifically we're not waiting for a placement and the process will not be the same. In our case the boy is already in a foster home just waiting for this process to be completed.
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Mama to Monkey born Feb 24th, 2007, and Toddler born Nov 1st, 2005.
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  #5  
December 13th, 2007, 08:04 PM
ericahex's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,241
Ok, other questions they ask involve upbringing, values, relationship, and issues regarding abuse both physical and sexual, and in terms of abusing alcohol, drugs, or addictions such as gambling. We had to fill out a checklist today about our parents, our childhoods, our personalities as kids and teenagers, the discipline methods we plan to use, viewpoints on how children should behave (should they be expected to comfort parents, should they be expected to feed/clothe/take care of themselves by this age, do they stop crying sooner if they are left to cry, do they get spoiled by being responded to quickly, etc.).

In our case as far as setting up she said we definitely don't need to have the bed or car seat yet, just the space, and can get those things as part of the process.

The worker checking the house was probably the easiest part - she just went over things I listed above, and just put down "will comply" for whatever we hadn't gotten done since we will do it by the time the boy gets here. But she also needs copies of vaccination records for all of our pets, copies of insurance for home/contents and auto, and a family photo above what I've already mentioned.

I hope this gives you a better idea of questions you'll need to answer and what to prepare. We have another visit Tuesday so can tell you what else she goes over then.
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Mama to Monkey born Feb 24th, 2007, and Toddler born Nov 1st, 2005.
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  #6  
December 14th, 2007, 09:21 AM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,969
Thanks so much. We have our safety and health inspection next week so you have given me some good ideas to do before that time. Good luck with your adoption!
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  #7  
December 14th, 2007, 09:59 AM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas y'all!
Posts: 17,144
It looks like you've already received some great advice from our moms, so I'll just say welcome to the group! I'm Marla, mom of 4, including 2 bio sons and 2 cuties from China. I wish you the best on your journey to adoption and hope that you'll keep us posted on your progress.
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